Question for older Married Men , Did your marriage survive when your wife hit Menopause or a Midlife Crisis?

[Finchie40]

When my ex hit menopause/ midlife crisis , that was the beginning of the end of our marriage , My wife changed right before my eyes , she became someone I no longer knew anymore , like this crazy ass selfish immature girl like she was a teenager again , she became very moody and selfish and immature towards me for no reason at all , to the point I was no longer her priority , I became more of a punching bag and a convenience to her, over anything else. She started doing things that she never done before , almost to a point I assumed she was cheating on me or investing her time into someone else behind my back, by the way she was treating me , I felt she was just stringing me along for the ride while weighing her options , the intimacy and affection between us faded , she no longer came to bed with me , she would be up late hours in the night playing on her phone or whatever she was doing, she also became friends with a few newly divorced single girlfriends’ that influenced her to exclude me from everything, I would be home with the kids’ while she was running around with these girls’ doing whatever they wanted without a care in the world , When I tried talking to my wife , she would blow up at me and not listen to a word I said , she started sleeping on the couch and acted like I was this horrible person all of a sudden. The one morning I woke up early and saw her phone on the table with text messages from a male coworker of hers saying inappropriate sexual things to her , At the point I was over it all and told her to get the fuck out of my life and that I will see her in court and I threw my ring in the garbage. She begged and begged for me to forgive her and I wasn’t hearing it , because all the times I tried talking to her , she blew me off and I said How does it feel , GTFO of my life you cheating whore !! All I saw was Red at that point , so she ended up leaving. Have any of you guys’ experienced shit like this with menopause wife?

[Summeroflove]

Unfortunately the risk of marriage is that over time people can change sometimes for the better other times for the worst. But I do assume that years of pent up resentment finally came out not that you did anything wrong but this sometimes happens.

What happens when you catch someone cheating they probably did it a million times I think you seen the red flags but a part of you didn’t want to believe it hoping that at some point things would go back to the way it was. I’m glad you’re out of the relationship now but I think she couldn’t hide her true colors anymore.

Some people reach that midlife crisis and absolutely go batshit bananas. I think reality hit her when she knew you were done. Not because she really felt bad but because life as she knew it was over she probably long planned to get rid of you. But she needed a easy way to transition to someone else as well as make your look like the villain so people don’t see her true colors.

You know she was probably running around with dudes when she was with her girlfriends. She was probably careful about hiding her affairs at first until she got too brazen and sloppy. That’s what happens in most cases.

I’ve never experienced it but I’ve seen it happen before. Many of those men as well seen the writing on the wall years sometimes decades but didn’t want to really see it. They thought they could work things out. Believed if they could just be a better husband it would work out. When in reality it’s her not him. You can be the best husband in the world and you can’t fix it. For women the best wife same difference.

Many people marry for the wrong reasons and never express their true intentions. Until they pull stuff like that.

[Finchie40]

That’s pretty much what happened, she could never admit she was wrong and she could never take accountability for her selfish actions and behaviors , she tried playing a victim when really she was the POS , She needed excuses for her selfish behavior so she tried making me the bad guy when really she was the bad one. She was shocked that I wasn’t playing her games and shocked that I wasn’t begging for her to come back , when she said she needed to take some time for herself , basically saying she needed space , I said take all the space you want because I will not be waiting for your return whatsoever, The second she left for her trip with her girlfriend, she was blowing up my phone and I completely ignored her and didn’t answer or reply to any of her calls or texts , she started calling our kids’ and asking my kids’ where I was , and the kids’ said No clue , he left awhile ago , , I ended up hanging out with my friends’ and acting like she didn’t even exist to me. The fact that I wasn’t playing her games , made her panic so she ended her trip early with her so called friend and came rushing back to me asap. When she finally saw me , she was like why weren’t you answering your phone or texting me back? I said why would I? You said your needed space so I figured I take space as well from you. Me personally can not stand girls’ that can’t take accountability for their actions that act like they are sweet and innocent when really she is a whore

[Summeroflove]

Narcissists have a set of rules for themselves and nobody else. They want space but refuse to give you any. What she was doing could be considered harassment.

Sounds like you were done with her long ago. You already had grieved who she used to be and was sort of riding things out until you knew for a fact she had cheated.

[Finchie40]

She claims she didn’t cheat on me , and I said whether you cheated or not , your actions were speaking a hell of a lot louder than words

[Summeroflove]

That’s true even if she never cheated she was still wrong. But the chances of her cheating are HIGH.

Would she admit it without solid proof? Likely not.

[Sal_Monella]

Many women retire sexually at menopause and even earlier. One thing we penis owners deceive ourselves with is believing women have the same sexual appetites as men. They don't. While some derive mild enjoyment from it, sex is mostly a tool of appeasement and control of men. It's all about what we can provide. Lose your job? She looks for a new ride.

When they have you locked in to marriage, they can spring the trap of divorce whenever they decide liberation is a better deal, taking your assets, kids and child support with them. They will ration and then delete sex when they are securely locked in. And if you clutch for it too much. They have their divorce lawyer on speed dial.

For guys, an on-call rental (friend with benefits or mistress) is a better long term deal. Not good for the country's replacement rate, though. Maybe that's why fellow Anthropoids have harems.

[Apple1996]

Women come into their second light during menopause where they start living for themselves and drop all their dead weight so it's common for a bad marriage not to survive it

[Finchie40]

The thing is it wasn’t a bad marriage until she hit menopause and her whole personality and attitude changed on me?

[chocolatetwopointo]

and how do yk it wasn't a bad marriage for her?

[Anonymous]

That poor woman having to put up with you. This post has at least a dozen red flags on it. Why can't you see your flaws?

[Finchie40]

What flaws do you see from me? I was a loving caring husband and father that stayed loyal and devoted to my family, she was the Red Flag when she became selfish

[molonski2]

Gee she had very early menopause mate , menopause or change of life , is just the absolute worst thing for some women and rational actions fly out the window.
The important thing with menopause is
1. Admit it - most important.
2 . Do something about it ( the woman )

If rational and if making the admission they can get though , but point 1 is often the major problem , early onset is often caused by numerous lifestyle choices.

[Godihateyou]

My wife is pre menopausal. Our marriage died 5 years ago when out youngest was born in our 40's. I'm stuck with her for another 14 years. If we didn't have Lori I'd have been divorced by now.

[robocop666]

did you not see dangerous signs early on? you only really know someone if you know them a long time. Maybe she wants to cheat on you and caused a fight on purpose to justify this.

[chocolatetwopointo]

well maybe u should’ve thought ab that before marrying her?🤷‍♀️

[dudeinohio]

Didn't survive first marriage.

[Finchie40]

Was she going through menopause?

[dudeinohio]

Midlife crisis i think

[Finchie40]

Equivalent, that usually
Occurs during menopause