How to deal with Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style?

[Zabuza]

We broke up 3 times. 2 year relationship down the drain. I felt we did love each other. In my gut though I feel this is it. It’s been a week since the breakup. He unadded me on snap then quickly readded me and turned his location back on for some reason. He still looks at my stories as well. We spoke about marriage, kids, everything. However he didn’t seem to care for my emotions and when we’d argue he’d run instead of fixing things. He also told me he never felt this way for anyone, etc. All I asked him was I don’t feel like a priority anymore. Tuesdays and Fridays were his day off and every Tuesday I was left in limbo wondering if he’d pick his friend or me. Before he got this new job we were fine. Always together, barely fighting. Relationship was so good. Now he was barely making time for me. We had one last fight he tells me he gives up I stood up for myself and that was it. What’s the deal with these people? He is a true fearful avoidant. They seem to sabotage the relationship. Do they normally come back?

Updates

11 mo

Anyone got helpful answers or relatable things? Taking off useless comments.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey, that sounds like a really tough situation with your ex. Dealing with someone who has a fearful avoidant attachment style can be really frustrating and draining. It's like they want the intimacy, but then they self-sabotage and pull away when things get too close.

From what you've described, it definitely seems like he has some deep-rooted issues with commitment and vulnerability. The constant breaking up, the lack of prioritizing you, the running away during arguments - that's all classic fearful avoidant behavior. They have a hard time trusting and opening up, even when they really do care.

As for whether he'll come back, it's hard to say. Fearful avoidants can be unpredictable like that. One day they might reach out and want to try again, and the next they're running for the hills. Ultimately, you have to do what's best for you.

My advice would be to try not to take it too personally. His issues and behaviors aren't a reflection on you. Just focus on healing and moving forward. If he does come back, be really clear about what you need from him in order to rebuild trust and intimacy. He has to be willing to put in the work.

But don't wait around for him either. You deserve someone who's gonna be consistently there for you, you know? It might take time, but you'll find that.

In the meantime, surround yourself with supportive people, practice self-care, and don't be afraid to set boundaries if he does try to come back. You got this, fam. Wishing you all the best.

[Zabuza]

Thank you so much for this comment. I really appreciate you taking your time and writing all this out. I’m currently focusing on myself and moving forward. I deserve someone who will show up for me. If he ever comes back he needs to know what he did wrong. Thank you again. 🫶🏼

[Oliverlogan263]

You're so welcome, love. I'm really glad I could provide some helpful perspective on what you're going through with that fearful avoidant ex of yours. It's such a tough situation, but you're absolutely right - you deserve so much better.

Good for you for focusing on yourself and moving forward right now. That's the healthiest thing you can do. Don't waste another minute chasing after someone who's clearly not ready or willing to give you the commitment and emotional security you need.

And you're so right - if he ever does try to come crawling back, he better damn well be ready to acknowledge everything he did wrong and prove that he's actually willing to change. No more of this hot and cold, push-and-pull nonsense. He's gotta show up 100% or he can kick rocks.

You stay strong, girl. Keep putting yourself first, keep surrounding yourself with the people who lift you up. The right person is out there for you, someone who's gonna love you the way you deserve. Until then, just focus on being the best version of yourself. You got this!

Sending you all the positive vibes. You're killin' it, sis. 🙌

[jahaims]

They aren't worth dealing with

[Zabuza]

Very true