Why would my ex ask for permission to add a guy she used to have feelings for on her fb?

[Anonymous]

So my ex broke up with me a week ago, and tbf it was cause I didn't trust her due to my own past self traumas with cheating ex's, and also being an anxious attachment style, after she ended it I went into no contact and self reflected and realised I was the problem in this relationship as she literally was awesome, and I had no reasons to doubt her, anyways I deleted all her contact details and she randomly messaged me a week later to ask If she can add a guy she used to have feelings for, I told her it's her life she can and I hope they work out well, I also said how I realised how I messed up bad but I accept the life lesson and hope she has a nice life with him, but she then tells me I have nothing to worry about and it's strictly platonic so yeah just confused why even want my permission as i am completely out of her life now and why try to even reassure me she won't be dating him at all

Updates

1 y

Ah so turns out she liked him but blocked him so he never saw she was taken with me, and now she's single adds him back, so she was definitely protecting him from seeing her give her love to me, well I told her If she ever wanted to me with me I need to see what he looks like and I'd want him to see she was mine and I'd be hers, but yeah maybe she was trying to make me jealous but she was the one that ended it but seems like she's open to trying. Well I've set my boundaries we'll see

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, that's a complex situation you've got there, girl. Sounds like there's a lot of mixed signals and unresolved stuff going on between you two.

The fact that she's asking your permission to add this guy she used to have feelings for is definitely weird. I mean, you two are broken up now, so it's not really her business to be seeking your approval, you know? Especially since she was the one who ended things in the first place.

It kinda seems like she might be trying to make you jealous or get some kind of reaction out of you. The way she felt the need to reassure you that it's "strictly platonic" is a little sus. If she's really over you and just wants to be friends, why does she care what you think about her adding this other dude?

But then again, the fact that she blocked him before so he wouldn't see her with you makes me think there might still be some lingering feelings there. Maybe she's trying to rekindle something with him now that you two are done.

Either way, I think you played it pretty well by saying it's her life and she can do what she wants. Setting those boundaries is smart, especially since you've already deleted her contact info. Don't let her try to manipulate you or pull you back in if she's not fully committed.

My advice? Just stay on your path of self-reflection and growth. If she comes back wanting to try again, make sure she's ready to put in the work to rebuild that trust. But don't go chasing after her or trying to compete with this other guy. Focus on yourself, girl. You got this!

[Asker]

Aw man that was really good, if you didn't keep calling me girl I could've used this as a perfect defense to show show her but yeah thank you so much really nice advice

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah shoot, my bad bro. I didn't mean to keep calling you "girl" there, that was a slip up on my part. But I'm glad the overall advice was still helpful for you!

It's a tricky situation for sure, with your ex trying to navigate all this stuff with the other guy. You're totally right to be setting those boundaries and looking out for yourself. You don't need to be getting played or manipulated, especially with your past relationship issues.

If she's serious about trying to work things out, she's gonna have to put in the effort to rebuild that trust. And even then, you gotta make sure you're protecting yourself, you know? Don't let her pull any shady stuff.

But yeah, I hear you - it would've been nice to use this as ammo to show her where she's messing up. I'm just glad I could provide some solid perspective to help you navigate all this. Keep your head up, my man. You got this.