Time to expose myself. Be honest. What are your thoughts on this (abusive) situation?

[Pink934]

I need perspective, I haven’t been to therapy, and my friend circle is small.

In 2016, I met a man that I really liked. He was 26 and I was 23, and it wasn’t long until we started dating. I met his parents very early on, and he’d decided that I was the one for him.

The tough part was that I’d been brought up in a Christian family and he hadn’t. It wasn’t until 2017 when my gran died that I really started to take my faith a lot more seriously. Regardless, he respected my faith an stuck by me. I’ve also been very private about my personal life, and don’t speak to my family about anything personal, so I never told them about him.

Our relationship lasted 7 years, and twice during our time together he raised concerns about our future because I wouldn’t make him known to my family. I really did hide him away, and of course, it bothered him. I told him I didn’t know how to deal with the situation I’d got us into, and for a while, the issue wasn’t raised again. This man did everything for me. He taught me how to drive, he came to my aid whenever I was in trouble and he was always there. Everyday. He took pleasure in cooking for me and he was desperate to move in together, but I just didn’t know how to take that step. He loved me very well.

Anyway, around the end of 2023 we had a bit of an argument with each other and I was stressed with work. He then quit his job, and we both quietly just ignored what was really bothering us. In April 2024 he had a huge mental breakdown, went out and did MDMA, told me it had ‘awoken’ him and he split up with me. I mean he cried and broke his heart and did this over a bottle of spirits. He was broken and a shell of himself, asking why I loved him and telling me I was ashamed of him. He said he couldn’t do it anymore.

From there things went from bad to worse, we drifted apart more and he wouldn’t communicate. He then slept with someone else and I had to cut him off because it hurt. He’s now with said someone. I struggle everyday.

[Staximus]

It doesn't sound like an abusive situation. Sounds more like you got what you asked for. You didn't want to let him any further into your life and that was it. You didn't want to introduce him to your family and you didn't want to move in together. You rejected any further movement forward of the relationship. I don't know what religion has to do with anything or why you brought it up. He obviously did not have a problem with your religion. I would have left it the first sign of you being a Jesus freak. To most people who are raised non-religious, religious people just look like idiotic followers of a cult. You should be happy he didn't look at you like that.

[Pink934]

I know I got what I asked for. But it’s not that I didn’t want any of that. He thought the world of me for the longest time when I didn’t deserve it.

But people who follow Jesus are not freaks, and there are many out there who do follow Jesus.

[Plugs]

A man who slept with someone else does not love u. U deserve better , move on

[talka20]

My thought is that 7 years is a long time to know if it can go forever or not and yes you guys got that answer verbally and also physically things happened which clearly shows that this is not meant to be. I'd say u should start accepting and start moving on and let it heal by time.

[Plugs]

He clearly has no discipline. A man with no self control , sprituality , discipline cannot sustain a relationship

[Pink934]

He did for a loooooong time though, it was me that wouldn’t let it progress

[Plugs]

And if he can marry someone so fast , he never loved u or saw u as wife material.

[Plugs]

I know it hurts but trust me. A guy who can sleep with someone else after leaving u , never loved u in the first place

[Pink934]

He’s not married to her, and this was maybe 5/6 months after we broke up. I don’t know if that counts.

[Plugs]

If he slept with another women after he left u. HE DOES NOT LOVE U

[Pink934]

So you think he never loved me in the first place then?

[Plugs]

He does not. How can u let it go saying it does not count

[Pink934]

I can’t let it go, that’s why we’ve stayed apart. I told him it broke my heart. It wasn’t until that point that he realised what he’d done and that it was too late.

[Plugs]

Exactly. He cheated. Your relationship will never be the same. Move on

[Plugs]

His true colours and loyalty have come out

[Pink934]

He didn’t cheat because we were broken up when this happened, so I can’t say that about him

[Plugs]

That is cheating if he actually loved u. Or it means he never loved u. It’s not possible to stop loving someone u loved , and after sometime continue

[Pink934]

But it is possible to compartmentalise or be with someone very similar to the person you love

[Plugs]

lol. Stop fooling yourself please

[Plugs]

He wanted to live in. A respectable man would marry

[Plugs]

U lol

[In_Trance]

Is this the same guy rhat you're concerned about not liking your FB pics?

[jahaims]

Sounds like you are immature af and blew it.

[BarryLiverstone]

Go to therapy