Do I need to improve myself or are my exes right for saying there’s something completely wrong with me?

[Details00]

Updates

10 mo

I've been told many times to act a certain way because their other gfs were so hard to maintain. I myself am a chill, deep and confident person. However, they told me they didn't want to discuss serious stuff, didn't want to spend time w me on NYE and even called me negative and 'not wanting to improve'. The damage they did to me is still left behind in my system. Do you guys really think I might have been the problem? I just don't want to mess up anymore ever again.

[Caroline91]

Are they all saying the same thing? If so, it might be worth at least taking a good objective look at. But, honestly, which one of us doesn't need to improve ourselves in some worthwhile way? Sounds like you're the kind of person who is willing to grow. That's a good thing!

[Details00]

They all said the same thing but it made me so insecure that I may or may not constantly have dreadful feelings that might result in worst case scenario for me and my family.

[Caroline91]

@Details00 I'm not sure I understand what you are saying here. But it does strike me that perhaps this would be a good thing to deal with in therapy. It can help us understand our emotional dynamics and how they are reflected in our behaviors. It's such a good thing that you are willing to look at yourself and others and try to be objective.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"I've been told many times to act a certain way because their other gfs were so hard to maintain"
"I just tried to constantly be the girl they wanted me to be"

Said like that, I find it odd that many people tell you a thing that is intrinsically wrong. It's intrinsically wrong because you don't have to act a certain way to fix whatever issues people have with whatever people, as they are denying their responsibilities to transfer them onto you.

So based on that, your surroundings are the problem, move away from them. You may want to identify why you met this particular type of people and not the better ones.

[HusamRocks]

If they agreed on one thing then there are some truth in their words in the worst case. Consider them as a feedback system and try to improve yourself because guys usually have standards they are all committed to because this is how we are👍🏻

[EmmaMary]

Surely this would greatly depend on what your ex's are saying is wrong with you.

[EmmaMary]

@Details00

At least have some common courtesy in replying please... Thank you.

[BarryLiverstone]

Maybe her lack of courtesy is part of what her exes said is a negative

[EmmaMary]

@BarryLiverstone

You could very well be right.

[Details00]

sorry, I was busy typing, will reply in a moment

[Details00]

Well, of course I was pretty much in a negative headspace and I'm not saying I'm the good guy per say. I just needed to hear some validation if I am still allowed to feel bad about it because honestly
i just tried to constantly be the girl they wanted me to be, the mask cracked, I started getting agitated and I wanted real commitment (which I wasn't sure they really wanted)

[Details00]

@BarryLiverstone hey, I tried to be there for them whenever I could!! I have bended myself over backwards to be the most polite person ever and I was just editing my question a bit...

[EmmaMary]

@Details00

That is precisely where you were going wrong... No being you're true self... Trying to be something you're not.

[EmmaMary]

@Details00

Might I suggest with your next beau you quite simply tell them that "what they see is what they get"... And if they don't like or can't accept this, then they can take a hike.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you so much for the MHO.

[Anonymous]

If you are getting the same results, maybe try improving. You can't go wrong.

[hello4433]

They are right

[vj0090]

What they say?

[Anonymous]

Yes.