Is still grieving the loss of a relationship after almost a year pitiful?

Question

It's almost August 1st, the date of which he broke up with me last year and I'm still grieving. I thought dating someone else would help me to get over it, but it only ended up making things worse.

I suppose me still being friends with him doesn't help at all. But I've become more supportive and accepting of his love for the girl he proposed to only a few months after we broke up. Granted she's still married but they are heading for a divorce.

I realize it's insane for me to still be friends with him and try to get over the grieving process at the same time and it perhaps is slowing down getting into the full acceptance of the relationship ending. But I do feel I'm a lot closer to accepting it than I was months ago.

But I can't lie to say that I am not still grieving the loss.

For some people, dating someone new right away just works but for people like me it just doesn't. And I don't know if I honestly will ever date anyone again because it's just too damn hard.

MannMitAntworten · Accepted Answer

Until you are over him, dating will remain, “too damn hard.”

As for getting involved immediately right after a being split from. It works for some and it doesn’t work for other. It doesn’t work for me either. It is nothing more than a distraction.

As for being pitiful after “almost” a year, no. Historically it takes a year to the day for me to move past them if I was that emotionally invested in them. But yeah, your remaining friends is causing the additional hopefulness. Whether you are consciously are aware of it or not. It keeps you holding out … and that is why the idea is, “too damn hard” in your present mindset. After he is married or if one of his significant others either tells him to cut you off or she tells you directly … you will remain locked in this mindset of holding out for a glimmer of hope. Frankly, I think it selfish of him to allow you to feel as you do about him while pursuing someone else. It is disingenuous and disloyal to the woman he is with. But that is purely my perspective.

virgo2267 · Accepted Answer

This only means you had devoted a lot of heart and passion into that relationship.
It is a hurt that will eventually pass on…
Stay positive and keep busy. Enjoy the time and without a doubt someone will catch your attention and vice versa. Don’t relive the past….

You are worth more to the right person for sure

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

I suggest you see a professional counselor: psychologist, social worker, licensed therapist or counselor of some kind.

A year ISN'T too long to be grieving, but you are dragging out this process by remaining involved with this man, who is in the middle of an emotional mess -- seeking marriage with a woman who is STILL married, but is in the process of a divorce! And who keeps his former SO as a "friend." Probably so he doesn't have to feel guilty about dumping her! What chaos!

Get away from this guy. I don't see why or how it's good to be friends with this man and hear about his impending marriage and how wonderful his new woman is, etc... It's unhealthy. Cut ties. And get thee to a counselor to work through your issues with this man's betrayal, because he has betrayed you, and his sick request that you remain attached to him in some sort of "friendship." Because you like abuse? This is all kinds of wrong!

Detach and get on with your life. Good luck to you, too.

NoDecision · Accepted Answer

Depends if you dumped someone or he dumped you. If you are the one who got dumped ( depending on the reason why you were dumped) I can see your sorrow, especially if you cared a great deal for him. But you know what? Much as you may not want to hear it, you got to move on. Don't let them break your stride.

Lynx122 · Answer

I'd stop being in contact with him if I was you. Especially if you have difficulty with being strongly attached it's not good for you. It will hurt more in the short term but your brain can adjust when someone is not in your life anymore. But if you're stgill friends it won't work and you also won't be able to date when you're still not over this relationship. A lot of people struggle with this but sometimes it's really better to just cut someone off and start fresh. It's freeing and you can actually focus on your life without all those emotions and stuff. It's up to you I hope you find your way through this.

sage2021 · Answer

Oh Sims... getting through the separation is probably hard enough, but knowing he went right out and found another woman and fell in love with her enough to marry her would be a very hard pill to swallow! I know that I wouldn't put myself through seeing them together and happy in front of me when I still loved him and wanted to be his wife. I would stay far away from that scene because it sounds like human torture.
You're right about one thing. How are you supposed to get through loving him when you can't have him anymore and still being a part of his life. I'm thinking 🤔 that at least you get to see him still because you two have become friends.
If we are being honest here, because you still have so much love for him do you think that it's wise to be in his life and get over him simultaneously? Who does that successfully?
Out of sight, out of mind was what I did when my husband left me and married someone else almost right away.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

It took me 3 years to get over the guy I seriously loved, so yeah it can take some time.. Tho you will get over it, but having him in your life regardless of if you were friends before is NOT working. You need to let him go, you could possibly pick up the friendship again in the future but not anytime soon especially if you feel something for him. Cut all contact, block him everywhere it is the only way you will ever get over it. Just know he is moving on and doesn't care how you feel, hence you still loved him but he used you as a booty call. He is the worst kind of guy fr, everyone here who sees your posts knows he's a bad guy, it's just too bad you can't see it yet.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I kept speed reading until the "still friends with" part. Your limerence is self imposed. My original answer was just going to be that it's probably because you got nothing else going on for yourself.

Yeah you have a little bit of both going on though to be honest. ... I read the rest.

If you want to get over it... stop being friends with his ass and suck some dicks.

Is still grieving the loss of a relationship after almost a year pitiful?

Joshydavid25 · Answer

No wonder you can't get over it.. Some people can be friends with their ex if the breakup was amicable, but not if one person did the break up and the other didn't want it to happen.. You're basically not even his friend, but like a somebody with a crush... Still longing to see if maybe down the road something will happen.. You probably still have some feelings for him, and while you probably care for him, it's probably not on a purely platonic level.. But you obviously love him if you're supporting him through his little love affair, but it's not helping you.. I don't know, maybe you might be over your ex, but not the situation.. And having around keeps reminding you of that..

nawtee_me · Answer

I can not say that I understand what you are feeling because as a guy we just don’t feel in the same way. However with my divorce it was easy for me to say I am not dating anymore and just as easy to say I would just focus on raising the kids until they are grown. So that is what I did and once they were grown up I realized the world had passed me by and in the process I got old. Dating is nowhere near what it was when I was young. Music is not the same and I can’t dance to what they play these days….. lol.

I said all of this to say whichever path you choose to take just think it through to the end before you finalize that decision.

dustybiker2 · Answer

You grieve equally to how much you loved.

Same with death.
I recently had a death in the family. My world has stopped and everyone else is living around me. It was lile this with my mother for four months.

Flower7 · Answer

The “friendship” must end…plain and simple. Even if you back out of it gradually, in steps so the shock of losing him won’t be as painful, it absolutely has to be done. It’s very unhealthy for you to still be in pain about the relationship ending and at the same time seeing and hearing about his new relationship (s).

lyrem04 · Answer

I think after a break up everyone needs to go through like a healing phase and in that not interact entertain any other guy bc then yea you will carry all that emotion onto your next relationship and never truly move on which isn’t fair to your current partner. So in short, no it isn’t pitiful that you’re still grieving bc it’s expected you haven’t taken the time to heal and move on.

BadApple69 · Answer

Everyone grieves differently.
You are correct that still being friends makes it hard for your mind to realize it’s over.
The other thing is don’t date again unless you are ready. Don’t do it to try and get over him.

jazzy34 · Answer

Since it's causing you so much pain, cut off all contact with him. Continuing to be friends with him is obviously not conducive for you and your mental health.

On_cloud_wine · Answer

Stop following him on social media and tell him you can’t remain friends because you still have feelings.

Shiprex · Answer

Heartache takes time to heel and being around them would be a nope for me so kudos to you @simslover92 for sticking around. I would be gone nc which is sad since the whole friendship and social circle would also be lost to me but that's clean and cortorised so no burning resentment can fester.

Anonymous · Answer

if after 8 months after the end of the relationship, you are still not back to your normal self, you should seek out therapy to find out why you can't move on and how to move on. after a year, it is a bit concerning to still be feeling this way. and yes, being his friend is definitely postponing your healing process. less contact with him would help.

WonderingManII · Answer

I have grieved longer than that, for women that wasn't even my girlfriends. It is just that things between us seemed to be going so good, and then all of a sudden, things fell part. And I was so taken back, that I had a terrible time getting over it.

MemeSupreme · Answer

no its pretty valid and understandable

i think its easy to feel like you'll never get that connection again and to reminisce. it starts to go away when you meet someone you connect a lot with too, which is easier said than done lol

Nikki1989 · Answer

Grief, whether from a relationship ending, is a highly individual process. It doesn't follow a neat timeline. Some people might feel better in a year, for some it is a few weeks or even days.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

That's not pitiful at all. You'll get over it in your own time. There is nothing wrong with that. Your just a good woman that loves hard. Time heals all wounds trust me you'll be fine. And dont be so hard on yourself ok

WhitneySnow · Answer

That’s not pitiful at all. And I thought things were going great with this guy!

RageBabe · Answer

No, sweetheart, grief has no time limit, so even a year later, it could still feel like it happened yesterday.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

"I realize it's insane for me to still be friends with him"

RossyBoi · Answer

Sounds like a bad idea staying friends with him after you two have broken up. You need to end the friendship and move on. Try making new male friends who you don't have relationship history with.

CubaPirate · Answer

The hell nooooo. My father died over 5 years back now and I still miss him 💔 😢 😔

glennos89 · Answer

I grieved 3 years over a relationship that lasted 6 years. So I think you're good

alice55 · Answer

It's not it's rather normal and healthy to grive for a long time.

Bricealan · Answer

Starting over again quickly for me does not work with me either.

dudeinohio · Answer

You need to cut off all communication with this guy. It would make your recovery much easier. Its over. When you understand this, you can move on.

Anonymous · Answer

You were hooking up with him how do you think that will help with moving on?

Anonymous · Answer

No, it's not, I was grieving unrequited love for several years.

Staximus · Answer

The guy proposed to a married woman? What kind of fucking idiot does that?

queenofcardio · Answer

No. It's normal

exitseven · Answer

The process does not work on a timetable.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Not at all. It's not a set time.

Bloodparadise · Answer

Take your time

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

No. Don’t be so hard on yourself

Jennz6 · Answer

Not really

Anna123jj · Answer

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