Should I date the guy with four kids?

[Pink934]

For context, this man was married to his wife for like a good 12 years. A few years back he was in a car accident due to reckless driving that has ended up in almost complete paralysis of his legs. Last year she eventually left him, and they share four kids under the age of 9.

He said things were rocky prior to the breakup with her saying some particularly nasty things and blaming him for his accident etc. They started to argue a lot and the relationship collapsed. She’s now very bitter toward him, however, I think she’s been hoping to get back together and fix things with him, but he is refusing her advances and saying he’s moved on.

He’s keen to meet up with me. However, I know exactly how his ex feels in her position. I know exactly how it feels for the person you love to move on with someone new when all you want to do is fight for your relationship. I understand she may have left the relationship, but they share 4 kids together. And maybe she is having some regrets. I don’t want to be that woman that swoops in and gets in the middle of that sort of thing, especially where young children are involved. What are your thoughts?

You should stay away from this situation.

You are doing nothing wrong.

Other

[Screenwriter]

This is a complex, messy situation.

No. 1, this guy is paralyzed and you'd be taking on the care of a man who cannot do much for himself: i. e., you'd be his nurse and primary caregiver. This is a giant and relentless responsibility.

In addition, you'd be taking on being a stepparent for 4 young children and THEIR needs at least half of the time. Another giant responsibility.

In addition, his wife has LEFT him. She is not divorced FROM him. They have four kids together. And there might be the case that they return to each other since they were married 12 years and have children together.

You also say this guy caused his own accident due to reckless driving.

What is drawing you to the chaos of these peoples' lives and relationships? Because it's so chaotic? The drama? You think you can help? You want to be a caregiver?

I guarantee one thing if you get involved with these people: You will be overwhelmed on every level.

Find a nice man without such a heavy load of baggage. Do yourself a favor. Good luck.

[Pink934]

He can still take care of himself, he’s only partially paralysed. He can also walk very short distances using a zimmer frame.

It is a heavy load though and I feel I’ve just recovered from some difficult times myself. I’m not sure I could cope with more.

And you are right, I still don’t know if they are officially divorced or just separated.

[Screenwriter]

"It is a heavy load though and I feel I’ve just recovered from some difficult times myself. I’m not sure I could cope with more." There is is. You have said it yourself.

You are just recovering from difficult times. Give yourself the gift of peace and joy.

If he hasn't SAID, I'M DIVORCED, he isn't. And if you're unsure, DON'T!

[Pink934]

Thanks. I suppose I shouldn’t feel bad for saying no. I just don’t want to involve myself in something that could bring more difficult times.

[Screenwriter]

You are young yet and will have more opportunity. Go with your gut. You need time and space and quiet. Give that to yourself. Good luck.

[Pink934]

Thanks for that, I suppose I needed to hear this.

[Caroline91]

In your reply to Screenwriter you say you don't know if they are separated or actually divorced. In your intro you say he is keen to met up with you. Have you two not even met in person yet? So you don't know if he is divorced or married and you haven't actually met him... yet you sound like you are ready to marry the guy, not just date him. Why? He is in the middle of this mess, largely of his own making and is keen to met up with you. What does he really have to offer but chaos and uncertainty. The fact that he is willing to bring you into this mess is the biggest red flag ever. Run. Don't walk. Run!

[Pink934]

I met this guy on a dating app. I suppose you raised a valid point in ways. There’s clearly unrest between him and his ex partner, so is it really fair to bring someone else into the mix? I don’t know. And I’m not sure I’m ready for anything that could bring hardship.

[dudeinohio]

There could be drama with the ex wife. Proceed cautiously.

[Pink934]

It seems to me like there’s drama. Things aren’t great between them by the sounds of things.

[itsannalee]

I wouldn’t, I would rather raise piglets than other people's especially when the mom’s still alive, I don’t like baby’s momma dramas.

[Pink934]

That’s my worry, drama. I don’t have kids of my own for a start.

[itsannalee]

For me the problem is not the kid, just the mom. If the mom passed away or guaranteed won’t see the kids in the future i wouldn’t mind to raise the kids like my own.

[Pink934]

It would break my heart if I was in the other woman’s position and I just don’t operate like that 😕

[On_cloud_wine]

You should never stay with someone just because you have kids together. A nasty relationship in a family doesn’t help or do anything for a child.

[Kelly6]

@Pink934 if chemistry is good, then why not.

[Pink934]

Unfair to the person left behind

[Kelly6]

@Pink934
She left him on her own.

[Pink934]

She did, but if she’s changed her mind, shouldn’t he give her another chance considering their history?

[Kelly6]

@Pink934
Well this you have to ask him and see how much separated they are

[Pink934]

I have, he’s not interested in getting back with her and says his kids are happy 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Kelly6]

@Pink934
Dm, I’ll explain certain more things

[Pink934]

Ok go for it :)

[Kelly6]

@Pink934
Can’t do it. Private account

[Kelly6]

@Pink934
But if he’s completely paralyzed , then I would say no

[Pink934]

I’ve made my account not private now :)

[Kelly6]

Still you have to follow me to do dm