Is breaking up the last resort or is ghosting also acceptable if you are angry?

[Anonymous]

My current (or former) boyfriend threatened to break up giving me an ultimatum for something that I was not ok with. I decided we should take a break because I didn’t want to lose face. He apologized however I have a feeling those were his feelings and he wants me to break up with him so he doesn’t feel like the bad guy. He was texting me still but I haven’t replied in two days. Should I ghost him to avoid confrontation (for a few weeks before deciding to how to proceed) or send a break up text?

[WhitneySnow]

Send a breakup text if you really want to break up with him. If you’re not sure it’s ok to ignore him for a little while while you think about what to do, but I think a few weeks is too long.

[Asker]

Just sent him a text and he called wanting talk over the phone. Maybe he’s trying to clear his own conscience. I didn’t answer the call yet

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t think he wants to break up. What was the ultimatum about?

[Asker]

He wants to continue being friends with this girl who is dating his best friend. We had an agreement that he would seize talking to her.

She once made him cancel on me for a date and uninvite me because she wanted to vent about her own relationship issues over coffee and they went back to her place. I don’t think any cheating happened but it was about the value he gave her over me. Unless she was actually hospitalised or homeless it was really rude of them to leave me out like that.

Then this couple had their own issues because of my reaction so then he said i would either accept her contact with him or it’s a dealbreaker

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t think he wants to break up. You should talk to him and see if you can work things out. That being said, I think you’re being reasonable with respect to the other girl, so I don’t think you should back down unless you’re convinced he will put you first (where you should be).

[Asker]

Yeah thank you! Though we are not broken up I told him I still need some space and I’m spending some time with my friends instead! Not out of spite but it has always been the priority for him so I deserve this time alone.

by the way he updated me that one of his other girl friends were mad that he seized talking to that girl and said that I should have been more “understanding” because she’s younger. I really don’t know why he’s friends with these people

[Asker]

He apparently is not talking to this friend either unless she apologizes but like I don’t know why people are trivialising our relationship

[WhitneySnow]

You’re doing the right thing

How much younger? Like my age younger?

[Asker]

Yes very similar to you. I really don’t like it when people use somebody’s age against them like that. Like because I’m older I don’t have the right to be mad lol

[WhitneySnow]

I totally agree with you

[Asker]

Apparently she also said he should be “ashamed” of himself for cutting contact with her and that “we” should apologize to her 🤣

[WhitneySnow]

You guys should definitely dump the girl that said that as a friend

[Asker]

He’s no Justin Bieber but for some reason people get upset when he stops talking to any of them… it makes me feel sorry for them 😺 I have done something they were incapable of

[WhitneySnow]

I guess he’s good with girls. But don’t worry. You’re doing the right thing.

I have to go now but have a great night.

[Anonymous]

Ghosting is childish and even breaking up should be done as the last resort. Being in a relationship I would assume is to have aspirations to get married. If marriage is not in the sights of one of the partners or both, there is no need to be in a relationship. Unless of course, both agreed they don't want anything serious, which I don't agree with either but not my life. I think unless someone does something really terrible to end things, ok I get that. But if they are little minor things that can be fixed but it kept piling up without communicating properly and seeking counselling (possibly) then washing away a relationship is childish. But end of the day, I know not everyone will see it from my perspective and that's fine.

[dudeinohio]

Dump. him. breaks are proof you can't sustain a committed relationship.

[Jessicasmith243]

Breaking up can be a necessary step if a relationship isn't working, but ghosting? That's a whole different story. Ghosting can be super hurtful and leave the other person with a lot of unanswered questions. If you're angry, it might be better to have an honest conversation about your feelings and concerns. That way, both parties can closure and move on

[AviatorTom]

Using anger as a reason to break up is usually not a good idea. We all get angry, sometimes with people we truly love and care about. If you're angry, please calm down, take time away if you need it, before you make any decisions you might later regret.

[IndustrialEnthusiast]

Take a minute and consider your health and safety. You don't have to tell me what he wanted, however that power dynamic of an ultimatum may be unhealthy. Unless, there is a behavior you are doing that is potentially damaging. I don't know you or him. Example, if he wanted to coerce sex. Cut him off. If he's feeling like you are distant or going to leave for whatever the reason, create a space to talk. The reason most relationships fail is because people are selfish and refuse to put in the work. Even when it's hard.

Do not do anything you are not comfortable with. Consider your needs and what is best for you as well as your partner. Do not let the idea of being lonely get you back into a dangerous situation. If you leave, state why and that your decision must be honored.

Good luck. Be and love yourself and strive for self improvement everyday.

[strateguy632]

ghosting is lazy, ghosting for 3 days is nasty, just write a text, "i am considering a break up" or "we are done." then block.

[Ironco]

Say your peace, then let him go.

Then ghost him, but at least you said how you were feeling.

If you ghost without an ending of the relationship, he will move on very quickly, and take the ghosting as a break up anyways.

[Nikki1989]

If you are texting, you were never serious to start with. Break up.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

Seriously depends on what that ultimatum was

[Twalli]

If you are done with the relationship, break up with him.

[slatyb]

Send the text, then block him.

[noohair]

Ghosting is for cowards and children...

[Sebastian100]

Ghosting in a relationship is so childish

[Anonymous]

That’s passive aggressive.

[Getback]

Ghosting is fine