If your relationship was in trouble now, would you dump them before Thanksgiving or after?

[Anonymous]

If you'd been in a long term relationship and you knew it was in trouble but you also have the holidays coming up, do you think it's better to break up now and go solo and deal with all the family/friends questions about it during the holiday and potentially "ruin" your soon to be ex's holiday OR do you wait until after and just soldier through the holiday, smiling and pretending things are okay, and then break-up afterwards?

Updates

6 mo

If you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, would you dump them before upcoming holiday season...

[abc3643]

I did and I felt terrible about it. But, I wasn't going to cheat on my girlfriend, so I made her my exgirlfried. I did this because we'd been together for over 2 years, but seemed to be drifting apart which surprised me. I think it was partly because she was now in college. But, I know I was feeling some ennui about it too.
Anyway, a girl I had a crush on since 1st Grade 15 years earlier invited me to her home for Thanksgiving. It was just going to be us (although a guy I think would become her husband years later was also there). I was thinking I might finally have a relationship with this girl. (She moved away from our home town in 1975 when we were 12.) We did make out, but she said "I want what I can't have." She could have me... so she didn't want me really. But, I wasn't going to cheat on my girlfriend for this, so I felt that I had to break up with her.

[snermcger]

Oh before. Definitely before. Don't want my turkey day ruined by some complaining, moaning woman. An unhappy woman is the most miserable creature known to this universe.
Plus if she is gonna complain over the holidays she might as well have a reason. Plus you can respond to her despondent texts of "How could you do this to me?", with captioned photos of you laughing with your family,
"Me and dad deep frying the bird... he is such a cut up... hope things are going well with you and yours!"

muah!! Chef's kiss.

[Asker]

This legit made me laugh. I mean...

[Screenwriter]

This has nothing to do with you or your soon to be ex SO's holidays. It has to do with your need to end the relationship. Why wait? You want to pretend you're still i love when you aren't?

The only people you owe any explanation to are people who are very close to you, and certainly there should be no explaining done during holiday gatherings when the breakup is new and it's none of anyone's business.

The, "We aren't together anymore," is all that's needed to be said. And possibly, "I'm here to enjoy myself, not discuss this." Smile and change the subject.

[Piercejeans1]

You know I think the nice guy thing to do would be to let her have a good holiday. I mean if you two aren't openly fighting and making a scene... grace is always the way to go. Imagine breaking up on Christmas Eve and ruining Christmas for her. Not cool. Should have been done WAY before the holidays if you are gonna go that way. Otherwise... suck it up and carry out the commitment. JMO

[RandomGirl42]

Well, who's house are we having the Holidays at? Does his family like me? Are they rich? I mean can I take these idiots for a small fortune in presents and free booze before I sober on Jan. 2 and dump the loser?

[AviatorTom]

I'd dump her now. Why give her false hope just because of a holiday? She probably knows it's ok very anyway.

I suspect girls may have a different answer. Back when I was engaged to my first wife, she went to a friend's wedding with her old boyfriend, because she had promised him to go to the wedding and didn't want to hurt him. She dumped him right after that. It hurt me, but I looked at the long-term, knowing she would be mine for a long time after we got married

[Asker]

I ask this question because my friends parents showed up last Thanksgiving being more awkward than usual. I'm a great reader of body language, and I noticed so many things like they never really looked at each other, they didn't bother to check in with one another, they were on opposite sides of the room most of the time. When either were the focus of attention, the other wasn't paying attention. My mom thought I was just being way too nosy but literally after the last Thanksgiving, they got a secret divorce which we're finding out about now. My friends mom said, they didn't want to ruin the holidays so they faked it. It wouldn't have mattered had they just broken up because I mean, they have an adult child who was well aware things weren't going well, and it's their relationship, so why would we want them to be unhappy. That's awful. So I'm with you, I think they should have broken up before and come seperately or not at all.

[AviatorTom]

I hate auto-correct that changes things after I hit submit. "ok very" was typed as "over"

[Piercejeans1]

did she hook up with him at the wedding? isn't that usually the thing at weddings?

[Summeroflove]

Well a relationship can be in trouble and be fixable… If both people are willing to put the effort in. If the relationship is over… let it be over. Just get it out of the way now instead of later.

[Finchie40]

Dump them now so you can enjoy the holidays

[DishLady]

Before. After is just poor form.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

Neither.

I’d do it when the truth needs to be said not based on a holiday calendar.

Dragging someone through a celebration while pretending everything is fine is cruel.

But ending things just to “get it over with” before a holiday is also cold.

If a relationship is truly over,
the right time is the moment I can communicate it honestly,
with respect, clarity, and zero games.

Real care shows in how you leave,
not when you leave.

[MikeTheBartender]

Before, it'll be nice for them to be alone with family or friends, rather than fake it and pretend at Thanksgiving dinner. We are going to do something together on Christmas. That being said, this comes up a lot, with friends etc, there's always a big holiday, now it's Thanksgiving, then it's Christmas, then it's New Year's, then it's Valentine's Day, then it's her birthday or her mom's birthday etc, when the relationship is over it's over.

[whiskeyontherocks]

I wouldn’t wait just get it over with if I was planning on breaking it off
But if I had doubts definitely stick it through and have a conversation after the holidays. Some people get very stressed leading up to the holidays I’d definitely want to confirm before making a decision.

[LuciusTheOdd]

If you dump her now then you can enjoy your holiday, and she can be supported by her loved ones during the holiday.
Just avoid being a jerk when you do it.

[Asker]

Yeah, I think that's the key. Just be as nice as possible (unless they truly are a succubus from hell), and just wish them the best.

[sage2021]

My husband abandoned my infant son and myself December 2nd. m, right before our Christmas with our new son.

After that I started noticing that a lot of people break up 💔 right before the holidays.

[Flower7]

Sorry to hear that.

[sage2021]

@Flower7
Thank you for your kind words. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

[Piercejeans1]

I hate that is kind of okay nowadays for people to be selfish and unthinking toward other people's feelings. I was trained to be a minister... Pentecostal. I am never ok with people hurting other people. There is a way to smoothly do things if they are not working out. Communication is very key. In couple's counseling, at least the other person gets to see what is wrong and get some closure.

My older brother is a doctor, and broke up with his wife of ten years with two young children to be with his office nurse / office manager. He was already sleeping with her and meeting in secret. His wife knew something was going on. It's a crappy place to be in.

So sorry that happened to you. This is why in the Bible God said he hates divorce. It's supposed to be a forever thing when you get married, not a road test around the block. Its one of the most relied upon areas of expectation of security in and for life. So crappy, You are not even safe with a Christian. The divorce rate for church goers is at least as high as people who do not attend church and hold beliefs in a higher power.

That said... I was with my ex wife for 13 years and we had rocky financial times. Her daughter was doing extremely well with her own computer IT business in Texas. Where we / she should have trusted in God... she bolted for what looked like green pastures. Funny thing is... the daughter lost her business, her new job working for another IT company is a 50 percent pay cut from what she had been making. I am doing OK. I don't know how I pulled through the storm... but I am in a mortgage free home... the one we were in... and living next to a 92 acre lake in a resort. Not bad.

[RxR0954]

Yea i was in that situation when i was dating my ex, i waited until after the holiday, then another holiday came shortly after, then another dinner, it’s never gonna happen if you waited. Just do it before the holiday

[Crankor]

If there was no doubt it was a bad relationship with no means to discuss and possibly have misunderstood, then may as well do it sooner than later. Wouldn't want to mislead the other, plus you would prob be awkward around them anyways

[maxual]

I think it really depends on what feels healthiest for both people. If staying through the holidays will only add stress, ending things now might be kinder. But if you can both get through it without pressure or pretending, waiting until after the holidays could be easier. It’s about what feels right for you.

[WhitneySnow]

If they cheated on me, I would dump them right now. If I just didn’t feel like going out with them anymore, I would wait till after the holidays.

[Flower7]

Definitely before. Who wants to sit around with someone they don’t want to be with, pretending to celebrate?

[EzraIsShy76028]

Before, lol.

Holidays while they can be fun are usually ultimately just another day for me anyway.

[zagor]

If I wasn't planning on having dinner with them for TG, I wouldn't care one way or the other. If I was, and especially if traveling to go to dinner or have it with their family, I would cut things off before hand.

[zagor]

Unless her Mom was a great cook...

[Nikki1989]

Thanksgiving has nothing to do with anything. It is just another day.

[Anonymous]

Thanksgiving wouldn't be a consideration for me.

[Purpleronnie]

A looming holiday wouldn’t affect my decision one way or the other.

[Anonymous]

Id keep it going until after Christmas, maybe even valentines day or if there was a big wedding coming up. Id be getting in shape and end it b4 the summer.

[molonski2]

100 % DO NOT WAIT for some holiday to be over , just do it !

[jazzy34]

It depends on how severe the problems were and if we were able to work them out.

[Drumlin2001]

Dont hold it off. Do it as soon as you decide that's what you're doing. Delaying dosen't help anyone

[exitseven]

I would definitely dump them before Christmas. It would save me from buying a present.

[MannMitAntworten]

If you are wanting to break up, just do it. Rip the bandage off.

[TonyMetal___86]

Won't dump, will try to fix it before the holidays!

[blackeagle007]

I’d end it now. Waiting does no good, just get it over with

[Pohjolan]

I wouldn't consider it a bad enough issue to dump them if it can wait over the holidays.

[Nice222]

Do sooner than later. The longer you wait the harder it will be

[Anonymous]

I'm single, but if I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't dump her.

[Staximus]

Get it done and over with before

[NakedFunNsun]

No i would not wait until after