Was my ex a Narcissist?

[Anonymous]

So my ex, when we started dating. She would be a lot affectionate. She would write me handwritten letters at random times. But after that the first month she would only write one letter throughout the month. When I asked she said "I can't write that much letters..". So I understood and didn't tell much about it. Well she would write me letters only completing months of our relationship like (Monthsary). Well that also came with a price. Sometimes when I tried to discuss her mistakes she would get quickly mad at me. And would say stuff that is horrible to hear. Like "F*** you" and "I hate you" stuff. Now for every conflicts I had to say sorry. On every conflict she would just get furious and lash out at me. And then when I say sorry for the mistakes I didn't even do, she would take a pointless time of break. Like 4 days of no contact. Which I think might be the silent treatment. At some point in time, I got scared to even talk about the problems bothering me just because she would get mad about it. And I didn't wanted to follow a no contact since I loved her. While she was also attention seeking only from males. Liking selfies of men and only bonding with males kinda made me insecure.
After the breakup she would jump to her new boyfriend when she just told me he was just a friend. While I know I have been emotionally cheated.
I want to know if she was a narcissist too.
While she has also gaslighted me and blame shifted.
And every problem felt like its because of me.
I have also caught her lying to me while she tried to lie and gaslight but later said the truth.
But wasn't sorry for it.
So I had a question, if my ex was a narc why would she show efforts by writing love letters?
I am so confused.

[msc545]

Your ex sounds like she was very disturbed, although I'm not entirely sure that the label of narcissist would necessarily fit her. Usually, when people who are untrained attempt to make psychiatric diagnoses, they are wrong because they don't know how to observe properly and they also don't know what the real criteria are for that diagnosis, which is actually quite rare.

All of that being said, I'm glad to hear that she's no longer with you because you don't need that kind of problem in your life, and it will create nothing but difficulties for you if you let it continue.

[Asker]

Thank you man!
I had broken up.. I really really loved her but it took a huge toll on my mental health.
I didn't realize how bad it was hurting me.
My mind was like "She used to do efforts for me tho so she must be a great rare girlfriend."
I don't know.. I had that sufferin for 2 years to come to a conclusion

[msc545]

Thank you for MHO

[msc545]

I understand. I think we've all been there in one way or another. I'm glad to hear that you're doing better now.

[Ariesman81]

Try not to take offense, I'm just trying to help.

But why were you a pussy and let her treat you like shit?

[Asker]

I know that, I realized.
Honestly I loved her a lot truly and lost in the fog. I just liked that she wrote me handwritten letters and I think its a rare kind of romance.
She sugarcoated toxic with love so well I became blind.

[Ariesman81]

It's just what they do. Bitch and moan when you don't have boundaries. Bitch and moan when you do. I'd be careful calling it toxic though, it's just female nature to see if they can hurt you.

[Asker]

I see, I am glad I left the relationship. I had a very bad emotional toll on me. Now I am just trying to heal.
I was confused about this relationship for 2 years after breakup. Since I didn't knew if it was my fault or hers. Since my mind was like "She loved me probably."

[Ariesman81]

Chock it up to another life lesson. Just know, there was growth that needed to happen on both sides.

[Asker]

Okay thank you man.
What was my fault tho in the relationship can you point out so I can improve it.

[Ariesman81]

Lack of understanding of female nature.

[Asker]

Oh okay thank you.
Is that a toxic relationship tho?
The verbal abuse and gaslight and lying yk.

[Ariesman81]

It's not a peaceful relationship. But most women don't want peace, they want chaos. You weren't supplying chaos, so she had to create it. Based on what you're saying.

[Asker]

Ah thank you, i didn't knew that.
Thanks for helping me out.

[petitedollbabee]

No, she wasn’t a narcissist. People throw that label around so easily but narcissistic personality disorder is actually quite rare.


Your ex just sounds like a very emotionally unstable person, going back and forth between loving and hating you and playing mind games. Thats not narcissism though.

[Asker]

Well thank you!
I mean is it recommended to stay in a relationship with these kind of person?

[petitedollbabee]

No, of course not. Thats common sense.

[Asker]

Thank you.
I just been very confused for 2 years. Since I loved this girl a lot deeply. I don't know why exactly but maybe because I loved without any limits.
For 2 years I have been like "probably its my fault the relationship ended.".
So I needed some clarification thank you.