Have you ever gone through a divorce? If so, what was the hardest part in dealing with it?

Question

If so, what was the hardest part in dealing with it? Are you still amicable with your former partner?

I realize this won't affect many here, but for those who haven't been divorced, feel free to answer the questions hypothetically.

msc545 · Accepted Answer

I went through an absolutely horrendous divorce. I think the worst part of it was the absolute disrespect and disdain I was shown by the judge, whom I had been nothing but respectful toward the entire time. She made it very clear she didn't believe a word I said. That anything I asked her to do or my attorneys asked her to do, she refused, even though it was legally within our rights. The net result of this was that my ex, while not getting a tremendous amount of money because at that point I didn't have a lot of money, did get basically sole custody of our daughter. She was also allowed to move to another state, far, far away, where it would have been impossible for me to see our daughter because I couldn't afford to travel there or stay there for any length of time, and the judge would not permit my daughter to be brought to California for me to see her. Moreover, the judge granted me visitation, probably because she was required to by law, but the visitation was limited to two hours, once a month, in a state about 1,500 miles away. Needless to say, between that and my ex-wife's subsequent threats, I've never seen my daughter again. I will also mention that even though California has a law stating that in the case of domestic violence, a person who committed the domestic violence is at least not prohibited from getting custody of a child, but is looked upon with disfavor relative to the safety of the child. Despite that, and despite the law stating that the judge should carefully explain why it is that such a person should have custody of a child, the judge gave custody of my daughter to my ex-wife even though my ex-wife had admitted in court that she had attacked me on two occasions for no particular reason.

You might ask why I did not appeal the judge's decisions. The reason is that, at the time, appealing it in California would have cost me about $100,000 in attorney fees, and my attorney quite honestly told me my chances of succeeding were less than 5%. I also didn't have $100,000, and I couldn't borrow it. That seemed like a bad bet to me. You might also ask me why I did not recuse the judge. I didn't recuse the judge because, at the first appearance, she was civil to me, and I saw no reason to do so. In California, if you don't recuse a judge after 10 days of her being appointed, you can't. So there was nothing I could do about the mistreatment I and, more importantly, my daughter, who was deprived of a father and a relationship with me, got.

My daughter was four years old when all this happened, and before the divorce, she and I had a very close, good relationship. In retrospect, I realize now that my ex-wife was highly jealous of this, which is probably a lot of what precipitated this divorce.

I am not the only one who's had these difficulties. There are many other men I know of who've had these kinds of problems. Some even worse in that their ex-wives accused them of rape or theft or other things that landed them in jail, and in two cases, in prison. I don't know whether the men did any of these things, but knowing them as well as I do, I suspect they did not.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

I’ve never been divorced but know plenty of people who have been. I think the hardest part of it is… People have wasted many years of their lives with the wrong person and spent so much energy in a relationship that failed in the end. Many people stay for that reason alone… The time and energy all the sacrifice and investment (even if it was one sided) just for the relationship to fail years later maybe even a decade or more.

Most relationships fail. Many people don’t get married for the right reasons and don’t understand the construct of marriage. People leave when things get hard or on the other extreme are going too well… They leave. They dip… They gone.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Getting him to sign. He wouldn't agree on anything. Even when I gave up and said fine, have it your way, just sign.. he changed his mind again. I was married to an extreme narcissist.

Chrytina84 · Accepted Answer

Divorce but at last hour caught my ex with my MOH the week before caught them took picture and left. When he was accusing me of cheating but it was him.

XHopelessRomanticX · Answer

I was only married for 3 months. I never got a chance to be a wife. It was as if everything that led to us getting married meant nothing to him. It was if our vows meant nothing to him. The hardest part has been dealing with the anger and sense of worthlessness that resulted. Why didn’t he love me? Why didn’t I or any of my friends and family see any red flags? What was the point? Why was he willing to give up the moment life got hard? Am I not worth the effort?

AviatorTom · Answer

Yes. After 20+ years, we divorced, amicably. Hardest part was doing all the paperwork to split up our assets. We are still on good terms, occasionally see each other at family events.

MrChinaski · Answer

I'm not legally divorced yet for financial reasons, but I am in practice.

We pretty much destroyed each other verbally reaching a financial settlement... neither of us wanted lawyers. (I don't know how it works there, but financial settlements are associated with practical separation here, not formal divorce paperwork,)

Now we are best friends and closer than we have been in years. The things we loved about each other are all still true and its easier to cultivate without all the expectations you place on each other in a romantic relationship. To be honest, we never really made each other happy in that way.

Best thing I ever did.

Bricealan · Answer

@ez-bri-z_v2 Sadly, yes. The saddest part for me was appearing in court for the divorce decree to be entered in front of a judge.   My judge was a wonderful, woman, I cried like a baby ,  and she and the court bailiff understood, my grief . I was not embarrassed at all by my own tears in that court room and the grief and depression followed me for a long time. My wife has contacted me many times since, and has at times expressed her regret for what happened and expressly for the way she left me, (in the middle of the day, while I was at work) and she left a note hanging in the garage where I usually parked the car we bought together.  I moved on with my life, finished the Sheriff's academy, and then on to new jobs. She and I could have had much together, as a couple, as we both had good jobs and credentials, but she chose to go with another man/men/

NathanDavis · Answer

I've never been married

hypothetically speaking?

I don't know about that either... divorces are usually a collection of many things and factors going wrong or not going well, and for quite some time too so... hypothetically speaking, I think I just made the wrong choice from the beginning rather than the many mistakes along the way or also I made the wrong choice to marry when I wasn't really ready for it and so I would just accept that, and reflect on that... whatever I did wrong or didn't do right and just learn from it

Zack-Bann · Answer

Not married yet
And parents still together
But most of my cousins have gone through divorces so I’ve sorta lived it by proxy by hearing my aunts and uncles complain about it

It might be too presumptuous but in every case it was easy to predict the divorce even on the wedding night

When you get married for flimsy convenience reasons you will not last long

Strong marriages are built on top pure relationships and unbreakable bonds that go beyond a contract

lightbulb27 · Answer

why do you ask? no but I've seen them and it can go a variety of ways depending upon the personalities and situation.

slatyb · Answer

Yes, it was horrible and I hope to never see her again. We have a child, now grown. The last time I saw my ex was at my child's wedding, but I didn't speak with her.

exitseven · Answer

No but my best friend went through 3 of them. The horror.

dudeinohio · Answer

Yes. Totally rocked my world. My life had to go through a total reconfiguration. Everything changed. Hurt bad. Real. bad. Everything i was used to changed. Sucks having to rebuild from nothing.

On very good terms with ex wife, though.

DonaldDarko · Answer

Never been married, don't intend to. Look no further than some of the posts on this question.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

Two good friends of mine have. It was pretty much a disaster in every aspect. 🤯😵‍💫

queenofcardio · Answer

It's complicated when you have kids. I've never been divorced or married

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

I have never gone through a divorce & I never will because I don’t plan on getting married.

hafinjun · Answer

Yes after 14 years the last 6 devoid of any sex, and no i didn't cheat until the very end. The roughest part was seeing my daughter's leave with her.

MikeMcMansion · Answer

Family court followed by parental alienation, to an irreparable to now non-existent relationship with my two kids. Its a hell like no other.

foxsquirrell · Answer

If you are going through a divorce it is all your fault. You should not have got married to do like the others do and feel accepted by the herd even if don't admit it or you are not aware of it!

If you want to live with a guy just go live with him or build a house together. No need to complicate it and get married which at the end of the day is a state contract.

The more you keep the law away from you the better.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Yes i did, it felt like hell and we never talk or see each other anymore, because i don't want to, what's done is done!

AgentG111 · Answer

Yes a couple. One yes the other no way in hell.

In_Trance · Answer

No I haven't but from what I've seen it's not easy for anyone

Anonymous · Answer

Not yet But looking possible  Probably two things will be difficult...  Putting my wife behind me Discovering a new social circle

Nikki1989 · Answer

No, never.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

No, but I've gone through a toll booth, a green light and a drive through window.

Kelly6 · Answer

@ez-bri-z_v2 never

Xawyx-2 · Answer

Nope, never been married either.

robocop666 · Answer

Canada its the worst there. I read comments on youtube its horrific.

Sal_Monella · Answer

Three of them.

Redbeardviking · Answer

The lies! Nope.

elizamichale1 · Answer

Goshh no

CubaPirate · Answer

Thankfully not but my partner has

Ben9500 · Answer

Takes too long to get finalized

Anonymous · Answer

Have you?

Badwomen · Answer

Not yet

BigBang1001 · Answer

Not yet! 🤣

Have you ever gone through a divorce? If so, what was the hardest part in dealing with it?

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For those who have experienced a hard break up/divorce, what was the hardest part for you?

Have you ever gone through a divorce? If so, what was the hardest part in dealing with it?

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For those who have experienced a hard break up/divorce, what was the hardest part for you?

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