How did you handle your parents getting divorced if you experienced it?

[Anonymous]

27 F here, my parents are divorcing after being married almost 30 years. They married in 1996 and there’s no fixing anymore. Throughout my childhood, I liked to believe they were in love and for a while they were happy, however now things are much worse. My parents fight like cats and dogs every other week or two. I live with them because I take care of my mom and saving to live with my best friend in the next year, but it’s overall toxic. I don’t feel so much affected emotionally because I’m older but sad I won’t see my dad as much even tho we’re not as close but I know it won’t be the same and someday they may date other people and I have trust issues and I’ve always been so used to my own two parents.

[Purpleronnie]

I think you have maturity / life experience on your side. I was 15 with an extremely violent father but I did learn quickly.


It’s ok to feel a range of emotions , angry , sad , relieved , numb , etc


Refuse to be referee , your likely love them both , so the boundary is your sanity.


Their marriage ending doesn't mean any part of your childhood was a lie or fake or that “love is a lie” , it simply means their relationship ran its course


Keep your routine as much as possible outside of the family home. You need that stability and another focus besides emotional torment.


Your parents are likely going to emotionally offload on you , that’s natural and it’s not about you so simply refuse to take it personally. Your Switzerland , simply reply and defuse the situation by telling either / both “ I care about you , but this is too much for me to hold.


And finally , be kind to yourself and do not push your emotions or self care aside.

[snermcger]

My parents divorced when I was 13. I told my mother to. My father was an abusive alcoholic who refused to keep a job.
I thought it was a great chance for her restart. However, instead of her starting anew with a good man, she married an escaped convict and child molester who raped one of the children they had together.
I do not speak to either of my parents anymore.
They are both very elderly now, if they are still alive.
Your best bet is to focus on your own life. The concern of your parents' affairs was when you depended on them. You do not have to any longer. At least you should not.
Get your own life and your own family. Don't make their mistakes.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

My parents divorced at 9, and it was an adjustment for a child but one I was able to make easily enough with time. Considering your age, it sounds like your parents wanted to give you some kind of stability until you were old enough to be out of the house and on your own, which probably led to a lot of friction and fights. Your parents will be much happier now that they’re divorcing and separating, so that’s one thing to keep in mind. Another thing to keep in mind is that their decision to divorce has nothing to do with you, so don’t hold onto any guilt for that. Go to therapy, adjust, talk it out and figure out what you need to figure out and you’ll be fine.

[DishLady]

I was actually elated. They didn’t belong together at all.

[Finchie40]

I never experienced it , but I had a lot of friends’ that did and I felt bad for them cuz I could never imagine my parents’ being apart , but unfortunately it happens a lot these days because people have become very selfish , I blame social media for being a big part of the reason , my marriage ended because my ex was allowing social media to influence her to be a selfish POS , So my next girlfriend shows any signs of being influenced by social media , she won’t be my girlfriend anymore

[Anonymous]

My mother was cheating with a guy behind my father's back for a year. My father was forced out of the family home and the new man moved in to play my daddy and I my father was kept away by my mother's faked allegations of abuse etc. I was told my father didn't want to see me and that he wasn't paying alimony or child support. I knew it was all lies and left home at 16 and refused to go back. Haven't seen my mother since though she's tried to get into contact.

[Pterodon]

I was 12. It was like being sucker punched

[MasterKS]

Take it easy, human are shits and its okey.

[Agape93]

I'd be fine.