Am I being dumb by falling for someone before my divorce is finalized?

[Anonymous]

I’m divorcing my husband I told him a few months ago I wanted a divorce. He is a pathological liar and cheater and I keep forgiving him and eventually stop caring after he cheated on me while I was pregnant and I lost the baby and he was cheating while I was home miscarrying…. That was 3 years ago and I haven’t been in love with him since but him and my 3 step kids were my family and I wasn’t ready to leave until now. Over the past months of our separation I’ve been questioning if I was ever in love with him at all he has everything I said I never wanted in a partner and why and I gave up a lot of myself and my goal and dream to date him but I felt accepted by him after a relationship with someone who often told me all the things he hated about me.

The guy I've been seeing was a guy I meet when I was 15 at a week long overnight summer camp I thought he was cute and cool but I was awkward and nerdy and friends with his sister. I saw him again the following yr but we didn't ever really talked but we followed each other on socials since we were teens liking each other post but that's it. im not sure why but he dmd me not knowing that I was getting a divorce just being friendly and since then it's been history. He's not my usual type because I usually date older tall nerdy homebody men but he's one yr older one inch taller cool charismatic and dominant 🤤. I've never been more attracted to a man tho. He gives me butterflies I've never gotten butterflies before, cuddling him feels so intimate and like home. We both talk about how much we like each other and how it is scary and we have agreed to take it slow because we both just got out of long term relationships that we rushed into and we both ignored a lot of red flags and we want to do this right by not humping in and being in a relationship just yet. But im obsessed with this man I think about him so much I've been talking to and going on dates with other guys and I haven't clicked with anyone else.

[ohsheeT]

One of the easiest things in the world to do is when you are treated so bad so poorly and somebody walks up to you and just hold your hands or look deep into your eyes, they don't even have to see anything, and you're going to feel energy from that. And that's going to make you think in feel deeper about a lot of different things, to the point where you want to be about, you need to be makes you feel a certain way. And that's all cool , that's all beautiful , but you're forgetting one thing

Everything that you just went through, you lost big pieces of yourself, your confidence, your passion.\nLove and if you just jump into it after your divorce, then everything that your ex-husband and you went through you guys through, because you're just jumping into it, you need to take a break, you need to find yourself 100%. And you need to love yourself 100% and understand otherwise you're not gonna be anybody, you can say you love them. But that's not real love

And he can give you the time of day, he can say whatever he wants to say that you have to remember, it's puppy leather, it's going from having to live out in the backyard, all your life, and somebody says, come on, come stay inside the house for a while. Of course, you're going to love, but it's not going to be true, love. It's not going to be true love until you absolutely understand and love yourself and set your own boundaries. Not just get pulled into a good moment that you feel good all of a sudden because of the way you have been treated

[Twalli]

You can't choose who piques your interest. As for the timing, well, you're not really still with your ex-husband. Legally you are, but the divorce is ongoing and as far as I see it, an ongoing divorce means you're divorced. You don't seem to have problems dating, so developing feelings with one of them shouldn't be that big of a deal.

[WhitneySnow]

Be careful. You don’t want this guy to turn into a rebound.

[Asker]

I don’t think it’s just a rebound because I’ve been seeing other people too

[WhitneySnow]

Doesn’t mean it won’t end badly. You need time to heal.

[Asker]

I feel like the 3 year I wasn’t in love with him I was healing and mentally preparing to get out

[WhitneySnow]

Ok. But this new guy sounds like trouble.

[Asker]

How so?

[WhitneySnow]

Cool charismatic dominant guys are almost always trouble. The odds of him being loyal or even a particularly good partner are not good.

[WhitneySnow]

Let me rephrase that. A cool charismatic dominant guy can be a loyal loving partner, but most of them are players. That, combined with the fact that this would definitely be a rebound relationship, makes it unlikely to work out.

[Nikki1989]

Nah. Make the most of your time because life is short.

[Alex-Snow]

You deserve to be happy. How soon until ur divorce is final? You need to tell him what is going on so he waits for you. Maybe go on so casual dates but avoid sex until it is final? Your thoughts?

[Asker]

I told him before I first date he’s fully aware and we have already slept together several times

[Alex-Snow]

Hopefully thevsex with him is fun? Enjoy some fun orgasms together. What is next?

[Asker]

Our sex is great we mutually agree that we are each other’s best we are extremely sexually compatible

[Anonymous]

Possibly. I knew a woman that had taken an interest in me. But it didn't work out because she wouldn't wait till her divorce was finalized. She may have not drawn that distinction, but I did.

[Asker]

Wait for what?

[Opinion Owner]

Wait for her to officially divorced. She married a hot guy that was hot, but that's about all he was.😆 he didn't work, at least not very long yet he was always had some money making scheme. She didn't choose very well. But she was committed to him. For a couple years she didn't even want to give up on him. But when she finally did he was still living with her till the divorce was finalized. And she wanted me come over. You can understand the position that put me in. As long as you're married you're still married. I was willing to wait for her. But she wanted love and affection now. And I'm not doing that with a married woman.

[Asker]

Oh so you were extremely judgmental of her situation

[Opinion Owner]

Pfff hahahaha.😆 thank you, I needed that laugh. She made a mistake, and she continues to make mistakes. Nothing else to see here.👍

[Asker]

Yeah and I can tell that you didn’t actually like her because you are being extremely judgmental about it but I’m lucky I don’t have this problem with my guy he’s extremely supportive and he isn’t judging me he’s being here for me

[Opinion Owner]

Whatever you need to tell yourself hun.👍

[Asker]

You judging her doesn't impact me im a outsider looking in

[Opinion Owner]

And your ankle deep understanding of the situation doesn't impact me either. I know what happened.👍
I just find cuts like you funny. You ask a question and then lash out because you don't like hearing the truth.

[Asker]

I’m a cut because you shared your story and I made an observation? I’m not lashing out at all your opinion wasn’t even a real opinion it was just you explaining how bad you were judging and treating someone

[Opinion Owner]

I repeat, whatever you need to tell yourself hun.👍

[Anonymous]

you need to heal from how this man treated you first, not get into another relationship.

[dudeinohio]

Just go for it. But get that divorce filed immediately.

[CuriousMufuxka]

No. You're a woman!

[Asker]

What does that mean?

[CuriousMufuxka]

Women win the divorce unless she does some really dumb shit, like illegal.

[Asker]

There’s no win or lose I literally don’t plan on taking anything that’s in both our name but my car. I don’t want money or the house I just want out

[CuriousMufuxka]

Good on you, just saying that women generally have those options. Whether they fell for someone else at any time in the marriage or not.

[Asker]

It’s sounds like you had a bad divorce and are projecting tbh

[CuriousMufuxka]

Never been married. Have had many friends that did. You can take that along with my other words as you wish.

[Danny_dan92]

Yes.

[zombiewoof]

Life happens