Why does my ex dating someone so different make me feel replaceable?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Just saw a photo of him by the Caribbean Beach with his beautiful Mexican-Haitian girlfriend.

She’s pretty. But I feel bad, because all these men seem to move on to someone totally different than me after we break up.

My first boyfriend and I broke up and he dated a very pretty East Asian girl after me, this second guy and I, he went for a totally different type from mine.

Makes me feel like I was never their type and that there’s something wrong with me.

[love_conquers_lust]

To be fair about "types" (and I'm assuming you've been dating Chinese men), after spending a significant amount of time on a Chinese language exchange app, it is common, arguably stereotypical, for Asian guys to have a thing for Latin American women. They seem to be attracted to their bolder personalities and passionate demeanors. Spicy, is the word often used, not my word either. It would also be fitting if the guy was more passive and wanted a woman who took more initiative.

There's likely nothing wrong with you. There's a lid for every pot. You just need to find someone who suits you. Be patient and keep looking.

Furthermore, you should have moved on by now. You should no longer have lingering feelings towards your ex's. Remember the good times you spent with them. It's okay to harbor no ill will towards them and remember them fondly as opposed to dwelling on the negative. Wish them the best, but it will be without you.

It's okay to be devoted and show intense loyalty to your partners. It's an extremely attractive quality to men who seek long term relationships and/or lifetime partners. I believe I remember you discussing swans at one point. What should happen is you need to allow yourself to fall in love with someone else. You need to open up your heart and allow the new person you want to flood your mind with joyful memories so that your ex's simply fade into distant memories. Never to be forgotten, but more like a period in your life long ago that you still cherish, but it does not hold sway over you here and now in the present.

[love_conquers_lust]

Take back control of your life.

[Anonymous]

Because in reality a majority of men aren’t very picky. I mean here’s what would happen. If he had met someone else like you similar in looks, what would you think than? Like most women you’d probably ask, is he not over me? That’s weird. He met a girl who looks just like me. So does that mean he’s not over me? Either way the man can’t win.

I’m going to ask a serious question here, which you may not like. But have you really taken a look at yourself aside from looks? Personality? Like why are these men all leaving you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Hi,

My first relationship and I - we lived together and were engaged, but we had to shortly return to my country shortly before the pandemic started and a week later a pandemic was declared and China locked for two years. He couldn’t leave and I couldn’t enter.

He waited for me for two years and eventually the love faded away to the faraway dream that could no longer be revived. We ended a relationship on good terms and his family stayed in touch with me for a long time, him also telling me he was always there for me and I was the love of his life, but that these 2 years away from me finally changed him and he was no longer ready to settle down and felt like he wanted to explore…

I didn’t see it as him leaving me, I saw it as us fighting against circumstances to stay together, and finally distance taking its toll. Because love is not meant to be felt from thousand of miles away.

But that was devastating for me, because he was my first love and first man.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

For a while I didn’t date anyone because I was scared to ever be hurt the same way again.
Then as I had my leg broken I got close to a doctor who traveled here shortly and helped me feel less anxious about my injury, and who called me daily even as he returned back to the US and fell in love with me eventually, he lived much further away in the US. He initially told me he wanted a marriage, but then I found out he had a girl come over to him and stay with him for a week, so my trust to him shook and I was breaking up to him when he begged me not to because with his words he wanted to marry me and didn’t love that girl, just was difficult for him to not be physical with anyone during long distance, but then when we traveled together, he told me with our distance 17 hour time difference he wasn’t sure how to proceed about the marriage, but that he loved me and was willing to work this out. He originally left that current girlfriend of his, who he at that time of getting to know me, he was casually dating and traveled the world with me and it was my second time to fall in love, so I did travel with him and don’t regret. He told me life with me was easy and he wanted it to be like this forever. But I don’t want to be someone’s forever romantic travel partner trapped in long distance, so when I spoke up he called me intense and dreamy and said he loved me but couldn’t offer me a future because it was difficult. I leaned back and no longer talked to him. Only responded him shortly and dryly whenever he texted.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

During that time of our stalled communication he reunited with that girl even though they had stopped talking when we started actively traveling together and started dating her behind my back, the reason he later told me about it was that “She’s near me, you’re not. It’s practical. She’s here and it’s easy to be with her. For us to have been together it would be very complicated, the distance, the whole procedure, marriage and life is not supposed to be that complicated.”
I understood that and I stopped talking to him forever, the last thing he told me was that he loved me and was going to miss me.
I understand that my personality is not the shiniest out there, but I do believe that I’ve not been left and that I haven’t been the only one who made mistakes in love.

I don’t see any of those cases like that…
My bigger mistake was naively believing in love again. And trusting someone I shouldn’t have. I paid for it.

The first boyfriend devoted his 2 years of me in long distance.

And another one left his current girlfriend for me originally… until he started dating her again.

Maybe I am far from the best, but I am constantly working on my personality and was in therapy for a year during that relationship last year, so that I wouldn’t self sabotage it due to my fear of heartbreak.

This time I am dating someone who lives close to me and I am willing to risk the heartbreak again. I feel it might be a little unfair to assume that my personality is the main problem.

My first boyfriend told me during the call of our last break up “You’ll be my last thought on a deathbed. Please never say “Sorry”, you are the kindest person I’ve known, you are not someone who should ever feel or say sorry. If something ended - It’s not because of you. All the blame lays in me. I ended up being a selfish man, I didn’t know I was.”

[Opinion Owner]

For some reason the doctor makes me think he was just stringing you along all this time. Telling you what you wanted to hear so he could get what he wanted. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe it’s the way you wrote it that makes me think that.
I could see the real reason w the first one as far as what happened during that time. Being separated for 2 years can change people. But I mean honestly I think if a person relay wanted to be w someone they would have found a way. So maybe he wasn’t as serious as he made it sound. But too I get being lonely, so someone else may have came into his life to alleviate a lot of his loneliness, things do happen when you’re just friends to begin with.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yeah, I do understand him too. I am based here and he’s based there and I couldn’t just uproot my life and go be there and he couldn’t do it either, he was also 18 years older than me.

And the time he reunited with that girl was when I stopped talking with him and as he started dating her, he told it to me and asked me to please not say goodbye to him and that he loved me and wanted to risk having me in his life.

To me that sounds that despite not being able to be with me due to circumstances, he cared for me enough to risk the betrayal of his current relationship just to keep in touch with me.

As for him using me and stringing me along, he was a very routine oriented man , practical and logical, I was the initiator and the leader one who made better use of him. :P He did love it though. But he was not the one taking advantage. I did truly felt loved and cared for. He was the one getting out of his way to make ways and travel with me, he took me to Northern Lights, French Riviera and Italy.

[Opinion Owner]

I truly think if you want someone, who also wants you in return, you’ll do what you need to to make that happen. You sure he just didn’t meet someone younger?
When you say you were the initiator, the leader, do you think he wasn’t into that? Most men aren’t. Most women don’t like when the man isn’t a leader.
I think he would have found a way to be w you if he really wanted you. He was just willing to risk his other relationship w you to have something on the side, a backup. I mean hell if he’s 47, most men would jump at the chance to be w a 29 year old unless they met someone younger. It sounds to me like he had the means, the resources to make the two of you happen but he chose not to.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

No, she’s the same age as me. Maybe a year or two older.

Well, he probably didn’t want to, I don’t care much of it honestly. Why do you?

I also didn’t want to uproot my whole life for him.

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t care much about. Just interesting to find out if that was really his reason. But it is what it is.

[ElenaSeluna]

So… he’s your ex now, and he’s free to date whoever…a lot of guys date different girls for their own reasons.. you probably know what I mean…but what really matters is this, when you were together, did he genuinely love you? Did he tell you that he love you? Were you important to him at that time? If the answer is yes, then there’s absolutely nothing wrong.. you might just be overthinking it…

[HollyK21]

This mindset is just so silly. You’re telling us that if you married a tall, skinny Asian guy, then one day got divorced, if your next partner isn’t a tall, skinny Asian guy then that means you never found your ex attractive? Like that makes zero sense. Race doesn’t matter, neither do physical features. You’re just being upset that he’s moved on and found someone before you did.

[OneViewpoint]

LOL, why is it all about you? Why is it not random chance? These are the people your ex's happened to meet up with and feel a connection with. And give the guys and yourself some credit. Just because their current crush looks different on the outside does not mean they didn't choose women with similar personalities and values after they broke up with you.

[exitseven]

Come on now. There is nothing wrong with you. I always dated the same type of girls. One time I dated somebody who was the polar opposite. At the time I just thought that she was nice. Now maybe I think that I needed a change. It is not a reflection on you.

[msc545]

I don't think that the person's ethnicity really has very much to do with this. You know you just seeing a shiny object and you go for it and there's all kinds of different shiny objects in the world. They're not all alike and they shouldn't be overwhide. I mean we all have a type but in many cases that type can be pretty variable. Don't take it so personally.

[Grond21]

What? Why? Maybe emotionally and intellectually, you are the same type. Or perhaps they are different, but it would have been too painful to date someone who was just like you again, because they were still not over you. Or perhaps they are not very picky about what kind of woman they like as long as she has the right values and interests.

Please don't let the decisions your exs made after dating you influence you now. They are a closed chapter

[Staximus]

I don't know why you care. If those guys were the right guy for you, they would still be with you and not with some other girl. Just because they are not the right guy for you or you are not the right girl for them doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. You probably live on the other side of the world from them, what kind of relationship is that?

[Nikki1989]

No one should date a copy of the person that they had before. If it didn't work the first time around, why would it work the second time?

[queenofcardio]

It’s not worth basing your self-worth on analyzing who your exes date after you. People change after relationships. You gotta move on.

[Still-alive]

very nice 👏

[MrChinaski]

A lot of people don't have 'types' in a way that might be visible to third-party observers. If I even have a 'type', and I'm still not sure I do, it is people that are authentic, honest, compassionate, ambitious, open, daring and hilarious. Those features don't jump out of a polaroid at you.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

You two didn't work out. Nothing unusual and doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. You may find those two end up not working out long term.

[MannMitAntworten]

I could give two shades of shit who some ex moves onto after me. Frankly I don’t want my family or friends telling me either. We are over. She made her bed … That is that.

[Screenwriter]

Some people don't have one "type." Their type is a person, not a physical look. If you're not someone's type, it has more to do with your total package than just the exterior. Relax.

[WhitneySnow]

That’s not true. They probably didn’t want to be overwhelmed by memories of you if they dated someone too similar to you. I think you had a huge positive impact on them.

[slatyb]

Consider professional counseling. There's nothing wrong with you.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I do have a year and she doesn’t think I do anything wrong, she just thinks I have a very low self esteem

[slatyb]

I agree with her. Been there. A brilliant psychologist helped me. Is she helping you? Have you talked about the origins of your low self-esteem? Mine came from a neglectful father.

[888theGreat]

They apparently don;t want to go through that again , so they go for a different kind of person. Asian women , well maybe not American Asian women pretty much wait hand and foot on their man.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

They broke up too, my ex was East Asian himself and he dated me because he was not into Easy Asian women. They dated after me and broke up.

My 2nd ex , he dated women of all races and ethnicities before me, and went back to his ex girlfriend after we broke it off.

And the 3rd guy I am currently dating has only dated Asian woman, I am the first Eastern European.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Both of my exes have called me and told me they loved me and miss me… :)

[DryGermanGuy]

„I feel like I want to punch you!“
- Alex Trebek, SNL Celebrity Jeopardy

[LiamJHayden]

Harsh fact: we are all replaceable.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I like harsh facts.

[MrChinaski]

I respectfully disagree.

[LC75LC71]

You lost the breakup. It happens.

[Bklynbadboy12]

But haven't you moved on as well

[Anonymous]

Because you are.

[Opinion Owner]

Seriously, any woman who believes she's not replaceable, needs a reality check. You left him, what the hell did you expect? For him to become a celibate monk? I'm willing to bet you're fucking every dick you can find now that you're single.