How do I heal after a toxic 6-year breakup at 23 and let go?

[Anonymous]

I just got out of a six year relationship 17 to 23. I feel really lost. I really loved him a lot, but he actually treated me like shit. He cheated on me twice he completely disrespected me. He would talk down to me. Call me names he would never be the bigger person, and he was always angry. I just feel like he will never understand the love that I have for him and that’s what’s hard and he would also create a version of me in his head that wasn’t real saying that I was always going out and doing stuff behind his back which by the way I wasn’t I’m like always home and he knows that I don’t know if it was projection or Genuinely he was insecure. But I feel lost the last thing he said was to leave him alone and not to contact him ever again I really don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ll never talk to them ever again. He said that he never wants to see me and that it’s over and it’s weird because deep down I don’t even wanna be with him, but it’s like my initial reaction is to fix things, but I acted crazy last time we spoke and now I haven’t spoken to him for 24 it’s been about two months of us being broken up, but we still spoke here and there but now I think it’s really over.

[SueShe]

The big mistake you did was to let it go past the first insult, the first sign of toxicity, the first time he cheated on you or the first time you noticed you were not his priority.

That would have made it so much easier on you and it would have avoided you to be in the situation you are right now.

The best way to heal is to get rid of anything that reminds you of him. Dispose of all those trinkets, the pictures, the written memories. Erase him completely from your daily life. Some people cannot appreciate what they have until it is lost. Get yourself a new wardrobe (if you can), get a new place or simply take up a hobby or join a club of people that share the same interests as you do.

It is like starting anew and it keeps your mind busy.

Good luck!

[_Maya_]

What you need is time and often a month or even a few is not enough. This is the time that you need to reflect on what what wrong and the reasons you broke up. Reading what you wrote it was indeed a toxic relationship and you have to remind yourself of that. To do otherwise isn't serving your best interests. I understand that six years is a long time to walk away from a person but you did the right thing. Now is the time to heal and reflect so the next person you date is the right one. While there is no guarantee in life you can minimize the risk of being with the wrong person by learning from your past. I wish you nothing but the best and happiness moving forward.

[Alex-Snow]

He sounds like a jerk. You can do better. Block him and move on.

[Sunshinelips]

You’ll get through it, once you start to open your eyes and realise how bad he treated and disrespected you, it’ll get easier. Years from now you’ll cringe at this time of your life and be so grateful you got through it. Cry if you need to. Anger will come too. Embrace it. Understand it. Love yourself even if he didn’t. Realise that he’ll meet someone else and treat her like crap and be glad it’s not you anymore. Realise that you too will meet someone else and he’ll treat you like a Queen.

[Nikki1989]

Letting go is choosing not to organize your inner life around them anymore. Don't wait for closure from them. Letting go happens in how you relate to those feelings — whether you follow them back into the relationship mentally or let them move through without chasing them.

[In_Trance]

Give it time