Has an ex messed you up for good like me?

[Anonymous]

Mine has. Looking back she was mixed up. But literally the most beautiful girl from my religious minority group.
There’s a lot of beautiful women in the world, her features in my community are extremely unique and I didn’t know a girl like her could really exist. Genuinely, unbelievable.

Personality wise she was nice but not the most stable person. She was slightly older and has obviously been with a few guys.

She was my first girlfriend. I feel myself accepting it, but knowing that I will never find a girl as wow and just striking. Knowing that I will never find better than her. I just want a very nice and very stunning girl.

But when you combine how we were so compatible on paper it is a once in a lifetime experience. The stars and planets aligned here.

When I share with my friend none of them think I am crazy for feeling the way I do. I am focused on improving and building my life. But with women, I feel like I will always feel upset and disappointed.

I have a similar experience

I don’t have a similar experience

Updates

5 d

I sometimes just see her face in my head and honestly just wow she was one of a kind. Like wooaah. Fuck :((

[There_Is_Rehab]

Lol difficult to accept it might be, if anyone ever "messes us up" then we were 100% messed up beforehand. We just wrap it up in excuses so we ourselves don't notice it. 100% all times without exceptions. ㅤ

But instead of calling it fixing a sickness, try to see it as a spiritual initiation. Just without turning it into actual sickness like i did.

I noticed you mentioned she was slightly older. And you talk about stars and planets. It sounds like divine feminine shit. i did that too.

I'd have to ask you, when was the last time you hugged your mom? Not talked to her, not thanked her, nor gave her gifts. But done something that implies real closeness?

Personally, i started to find hugs disgusting since i was 6. i always refuse my mom's hugs, but i give her lots of gifts. Still, i have had mommy issues. I tried to talk to her many times but since she lost her father when she was young, she also struggles with closeness. So she gave me mommy issues despite being present and caring. Which must be dealt with, you cannot live a healthy life without an esoteric solution to mommy issues. If you want to know what you will end up with if you have all the success in the world with mommy issues? Google "how Jean-Jacques Rousseau's and Tolstoy's moral and religious worlviews, philosophies, and hypocritical relationships were shaped by losing their mothers in infancy."

It is hilarious actually and sad how i almost perfectly see myself inside both of these philosophers. From hypocrisy and paranoia to naturally arriving at the same views as theirs. Except, i have glimpses of clarity where i 100.0% absolutely agree on every single thing women call out in me, and i take steps to change.

But here is what i mean about not calling it a sickness.

Take this as an opportunity. And if you do not have any mommy issues like i do? Great. Still take this as an opportunity. Comfort is good unless it drowns us in materialism. I finally overcame my addiction to productivity, i always either had to do everything as fast as possible, or i felt tormented. I don't know where exactly that came from. But finally i started embracing the negative emotions, feeling grief, and suddenly i don't have neurotic paranoia and need to work like a donkey. And? I am losing interest in the "lesser guardian". I am getting too comfortable to seek spirituality. actually i am just fine doing a watered down version of it. When i hesitate to do something, i do it very calmly. Not like i used to "just to get over it". But swallow the emotional pain for spiritual purposes.

Similarly, the grief after the amygdala made you deify that girl, now that ties are fully cut, don't just "feel the grief" but do so eith the intent to grow the soul. The supersensible soul exists. And the blockade to the 4th chakra is people's refusal to feel sorrow. Feel sorrow for the purpose of spiritual growth. And suddenly, the breakup isn't painful at all.

And it sounds like you don't view her as a human being. "She was mixed up... not the most stable..." That's very common, in fact a man who freshly divorced a 3+ decade marriage would talk and talk and talk to me about his ex like she is an object. I too, treat women like objects when they trigger me. Do you know why we do this? Because we internally literally do treat them as objects, since the start. You were infatuated with her not because of who she is, but because of what you projected. Sorry, i am not saying the attraction wasn't real. It was very real, more real than healthy. Many even think that infatuated unhealthy sex is the only sex worh having because it is so hot. But still you projected your own emotional objects onto her since the start. Many people do this thing for decades on end. Actually, all humans do this until they complete occult work. Even healthy people project their emotional shit onto lovers, they just do it in a peaceful enough way not to bother anyone.

Mommy issues won't go away overnight, but will be disarmed after doing occult work. Really, doesn't matter if you do not have mommy issues, we all have issues, and our outstanding "mommy issues" are just a flavor strong enough to spot easily, and hopefully initiate occult work.

If you want to stop seeing your victim as an object, both for her benefit and your psychological wellbeing, then think of a male friend you had who best resembled her, with whom you laughed, arm wrestled, and shook hands, and tell yourself "that's her, she is him". When i do that, i get a wave of shame and unreal guilt. I would never in a million years do to him what i did to her. Neither the worship nor the cursing. Just as a temporary emergency brake. Ideally you should resolve your issues permanently, but this is useful to do.

[sawno]

Only in the sense that she was so perfect for me that she set impossible expectations. I am hopeful ill meet someone I can love like that again but having been with my dream girlfriend someone who has few things in common with me just doesn't capture my interest much.

[Nikki1989]

Nah, I am not that weak.

[Anonymous]

How she looks?

[imemma12]

so far no