He broke up but won’t get his stuff or remove me from his phone plan—why?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend have been together over a year, he went to jail for 4.5 months, lost everything he built up. He got out 3 weeks ago. His energy and everything just seemed off. He had to rebuild his business and everything all over again.. Unfortunately, we kept arguing and he broke up with me and left. He said he’s done and has to rebuild his life.. well, at first I tried to beg him to fix things. But then I stopped after a day or 2. The thing is, he hasn’t came to get his stuff. He’s had the opportunity multiple times. He came to my house 3 times. z walked around a bit but would only take 1 or 2 things he doesn’t even need and say he will come back for the rest of his stuff (the 3rd time I packed everything for him and he still didn’t take it all) We don’t talk unless he messages me first which is usually about his stuff… but he also isn’t removing my from his phone plan? I asked him to get me a transfer pin and he ignored it when I would ask before I stopped initiating any contact first.. he pays the bill so I guess if he wants to pay my phone I don't know.. but If he’s done like he says, why is he leaving all of his stuff (which he has over 20 pairs of Jordan’s I’m sure he don’t wanna lose) and not removing me from his plan? I tried to cut all ties by packing all his stuff for him and asking for the PIN code so he’d have no reason to be in contact with me.. is there a chance he will come back and want to work on the relationship?

[HollyK21]

As the anon said — set a deadline. Tell him he’s got til the end of next week (or even the end of the month if that makes you feel better) to pick up his things. Otherwise you can take them someplace else for him to get his stuff, whether there is a mutual friend to drop it all off at or even a relative of his. If there is no mutual person or place to drop these things, then take them to some sort of goodwill. You can inform him of all this through a phonecall or text, and do not speak with him about anything else.


If you still love him and want things to work then yes, this step is scary because it feels very finalizing and you’re scared of losing him. The thing is, you teach men how to treat you, and so when you accommodate his mistreatment of you at any capacity then all you’re doing is showing him that he can treat you however, do whatever, and no matter what you will always be there. Nothing is romantic or endearing about showing a man that disrespect makes you love him more and hang on tighter. You must absolutely teach him boundaries, and show him that he cannot trying you along, or discard and then pick you back up whenever he feels like it.


Even if in your heart you know you’d take him back in a flash, now is such a pivotal time to stand your ground and give him what he wants. If it’s over — it’s over, and he needs to see that he can very much lose you if this is how he wants to be.

[HollyK21]

**string you along

[Nikki1989]

His actions clearly show a man who is severely overwhelmed and unconsciously keeping a tether to you, even while claiming he is "done."

[bowenw]

He may want you on his phone plan so he can see who you are calling and texting.

I suggest you go to the phone company and explain that you want your own phone plan.

I suggest you tell him you are donating all his stuff to a charity on a certain day and it's up to him if he wants any of it before then.

If he has any interest in you, he should show it. It doesn't appear that he does.

[Anonymous]

If he wanted to work on it, he would communicate better

[Abbycado]

Toss it on the lawn.

[Asker]

No. Because he wasn’t a bad guy.. We had a good relationship prior to him getting out of jail.

[Anonymous]

Give him a deadline