When to finally leave?

[disappoint3d]

If you're not going to read the entire thing then dont answer

I am living with a woman i am not married to. We have a 5 year old that was a surprise. Our relationship was never going to work out and we really should have split before our daughter was born, but we both decided to stay together to raise her for the sake of being responsible and doing whats right.

After years of resent, couples therapy, and arguments trying to make things work, we have finally decided to go our separate ways out of the house, because our child deserves better.

Weve both been somewhat trapped in our housing situation because of finances, and I know once I move out, no matter where I go, that my daughter is staying with her Mom and I will likely not be able to see her more than a few days a month.

However I am never going to abandon her.

In the last year, her mom and I have both been dating privately, and I have met a woman I've spent a good deal of time with and have grown to love, but she lives out of state.

Im considering moving to her for the interim period while we are working out a custody agreement. the thought of moving out of the home my daughter grew up in tears me up inside, but I have to leave regardless.

The added distance won't help things, but im already losing my broken family, and I really just dont want to also lose my chance at having a life with someone i really love. I will still see my daughter no matter what it takes, and I don't plan on being out of state for more than a year if i move. i feel like living close by, but by myself alone all the time with limited visitation and the possibility of my new relationship fizzling out over the course of a year because of long distance might make things even worse.

Dont judge me. I sacrificed 7 years of my life with someone who doesn't love me to do the right thing, but our daughter deserves better parents, and not two happy houses are better than one miserable one.

Im torn.

[exitseven]

okay, my parents divorced when I was in high school. I really cannot remember a time when they got along. They stayed together for me and my brother. They really did us no favors. By the time I was out of high school my view of relationships were really messed up.
I really was not too broken up when they got divorced , it was expected. My father married soon after
and started another family. My brother and me became the ex-kids. That was a little hard to take.

What you are doing will be hard but you sound like you want to do the right thing.

[disappoint3d]

Thanks man, i wanted to add more context but the word limit always gets me. My parents stayed together for christian fundamentalist bullshit reasons and did nothing but fight. I've never seen them kiss eachother.

I had to learn how to treat a woman all on my own no help from them.

[exitseven]

I hope things work out for you.

[Pterodon]

You MUST take care of yourself first. Get happy then take care of the rest. You cannot be all you can be for your kid if unhappy. Making yourself priority one is not selfish

[disappoint3d]

Thanks man, i really dont know whats best for me right now. I finally met someone special, but im gonna miss my daughter terribly.

[Pterodon]

I feel for you. I was in a loveless marriage for 15 years before I couldn’t take it anymore just for the kids. Many think this is right. It isn’t. Kids want their parents happy and know when things are awry. It then makes them anxious and unhappy. So by staying where you’re miserable is actually doing more harm to them than a split. I personally wouldn’t automatically turn belly up to custody. I’d fight for it or joint custody

[Nikki1989]

Stay local for the next few months until the custody agreement is legally finalized, signed, and locked in. Protect your rights as a father on paper before you move anywhere.

[WhitneySnow]

I think you’re doing the right thing

[disappoint3d]

Moving away for a year to figure things out until i can re establish closer to wherever my daughter ends up living?

[WhitneySnow]

Yes.

[disappoint3d]

Thank you.

[WhitneySnow]

You’re welcome