Do you always feel a little guilty about leading someone on?

[Anonymous]

if you didn't mean it. does it always get to you, or do you eventually move on? do you think of that person often? I wish my situation didn't end so badly. I know she was a good girl. definitely a sight for sore eyes in such a messed up world. a girl with beauty and brains. and I have no idea why it wasn't meant to be, but it just wasn't I guess. even after a few years, thinking about her still eats at me, and I guess I just wonder if she ever thinks about me.

[Maria92]

She probably does. If ya'll meant that much to each other, she probably thinks about you as much as you think about her. You'll move on. Everything happens for a reason. You still care for her, but you will find someone that takes your breath away and when that happens you will still think about her because at some point she was a part of your life, but she will be at the back of your mind and at the front will be that new person that you fell for. You may feel guilty and wonder what might have been, but you will never know. Just move forward and live life to the fullest.

[Anonymous]

why don't you talk to her? I'm sure she would be happy to hear from an "old friend" :)

[Asker]

i'm not so sure. I'd be so scared to try and talk to her again. she's one of those girls that like she's trouble for me, simply because I have liked her so much. I would drive myself crazy over-analyzing her every action and word again, and that isn't good for me.

[Opinion Owner]

im sure she liked you too. and she prob thought about you a lot and over analyzed everything.. but if its still at the point where you both won't be able to just have a normal conversation or if you are going to over analyze everything then you are obviously not ready to talk to her. grow up and snap out of this mood. normal conversation is OK. she's probably a tease and a flirt, like me, and she's prob still single..like me.

[Asker]

she told me she didn't like me and was trying to be nice and that I creeped her out. its not that easy to just try and contact her again. but it has been a while. maybe it would be fine now. but I'm afraid for that reason and afraid of getting hurt again. the weirdest thing is that she seemed to still want to be friends she just seemed to want space for a while, but things happened.

[Opinion Owner]

well then get over her already! move on to the next one.. I had to deal with a guy like you once and I stopped contacting him because he was constantly texting and it was too much for me. she prob liked you as a friend, but you took it way too seriously. I don't think you should contact her, it will rekindle the feelings..and you can't force her to feel the same. find a new girl

[Asker]

I wasn't obsessive like that. I just really liked her a lot but still kept reasonable distance. but you don't understand. I have been trying to move on for years and I just can't. like I just want her in my life somehow. and she's such a great girl. I haven't been able to find a new girl either. but also I feel bad for how things ended up. something came over me, and I couldn't control it, and it just ruined everything.

[Opinion Owner]

doe she have a boyfriend? or is she seeing someone else

[Asker]

currently I have no idea. haven't seen or spoken to her in like 2 years. I would just want to send her a friendly message if anything. I don't know if I should apologize for the past. but I'm just curious how she's doing. I just hate conflict. I hate that this happened. I wish we could have still remained friends.

[Opinion Owner]

hmm..ok. but you have to take a deep breath also you MUST go in this with a mindset that she might not respond. and you have to go in this WITH NO expectations. If you can do that, then send the message. "Hey how are you I hope school's going well. Just wanted to say hi and I should've said this a while ago but never got the chance to, I'm sorry for the past. anyway, hope all is well bye."

[Opinion Owner]

actually just say "hey hope schools going OK and that you're having a happy holiday. I owe you an apology for (insert what you want to apologize for), sorry for that. anyway, just wanted to say hi and hope all is well. "

[Asker]

I know. so if I did, just keep it kind of short and direct like that? I just hope she would appreciate hearing from me again. I have only meant the best from the very beginning.

[Opinion Owner]

even if she doesn't respond at least she got the message and appreciates the apology. so the weight should be off your shoulder, because you extended the olive branch and made your apology nice and clear. you did your share, if she doesn't respond then no big. as long as you did what you had to.. she prob will respond. just don't over analyze anything keep it cool

[Asker]

so you don't think she think I'm a weirdo for contacting her now, after a while? the last thing I want her to think is that I'm still creepy to her. and I know I'm not a creepy person. thankful for the advice btw.

[Opinion Owner]

no its not, I haven't talked to a guy I used to like and its been two years. if he were to reach out to me.. I would be scared to respond because I know the feelings might come back. I feel led on by him, even though I know he did like me at some point. but I would be happy to hear from him, and id put him in the friend zone so it would be normal convo. best answer for me? hahah :)

[Asker]

hmmm OK ;)

the guy you used to like? did you actually like the guy that you referred to as "being like me"? I just feel this situation is a little different from yours because she told me she didn't like me and she lied to try and save me from hurt, which didn't work, and made things much more complicated.

[Opinion Owner]

no sorry that's a different guy. the guy that I reffered to as being like you, well I was initially attracted to him and saw potential, but when he was too pushy or sensitive it pushed me away. but anyway, it doesn't matter because I don't speak to either guys. the one that I did like and felt led on by now has a gf..so I've moved on and kept busy with school/work and hobbies.

[Asker]

i felt like that's how the girl felt about me at first, but I had already liked her for quite a long time and that alone seemed to doom things from the start, ya know? I already had these emotions for her, and she was just in a process of getting to know me again, and by being led on it just intensified my feelings and the situation for me.

[Opinion Owner]

hmm.. "/ what I don't understand is why you want to contact her if she led you on? its not right to lie to someone, just don't fall in that trap again. I'm actually slightly worried about you, please let me know how it goes.

[Asker]

and I'm worried about myself. I've been contemplating this since this all happened, and have always concluded not to do it, only for it to cycle back around and I'll think about it again. there's something really special about her to me. I want to believe she's the right girl, because it's all there for me. but I just want to be on good terms if nothing else.

[Opinion Owner]

she might be everything you see, but if she's led you on to not hurt you..is she really the "RIGHT" girl? I've found only two or 3 guys in my whole life (and I've met at least over 100 guys) that were right for me. But it didn't work out the first is the one that I told you about ..we live in different states and now he has a girlfriend. the second guy I got the butterflies I was speech less around him...i found out about his girlfriend. uhg. and the third guy showed interest and flirts but hasn't asked for my #

[Opinion Owner]

Also, since I have no closure with any of them. It was hard to move on until I realized why am I looking for closure on something that didn't go anywhere or start? Everything was based on phoniness and lies anyway. You might be looking for acceptance or closure but its up to you whether you think its worth it. If it will give you peace, then go for it. I think you should just do it, because you will be contemplating your whole life it seems.

[Asker]

well I'm trying every possible option before contacting her again. I'm trying to relocate and just force myself to meet all new people. and live a new life. hoping this works. honestly, I tried enough times back when we were still "friends" and I made a great effort. she just attempted to avoid confrontation every time it seemed and put on a face.

[Opinion Owner]

relocate? that's a little extreme for just one person? it takes time to move on, but you wanted to hold onto the past. if you meet new people it will help, go out with friends. Get yourself out there, don't let one thing affect or hold you back. Not everyone get's the person they like, that's why they move on to find someone who will. This was two years ago..and you still have your mind on her? How did it end, and what exactly happened that you feel bad about? Just talk to her.

[Asker]

I don't think it's a good idea, seriously.

[Opinion Owner]

ok well then you answered your own question! congrats. follow your instincts, maybe its best for you to let go of the past and start a fresh life. focus on your goals.. girls will come I promise.

[Asker]

i feel bad for showing up somewhere uninvited. and if I could just take back that one afternoon, I feel that potentially my life would be so different.

[Opinion Owner]

oh ok! well you still feel bad about it? maybe that's why its been bothering you. we all do things or say things we wish we could take back. but mistakes are meant to happen so we learn from them and not repeat it.

[Asker]

i just wish I didn't have to make it with her. you know? and I wish I wasn't so taken by her. I'm not like a lot of guys where they just want to hook up and don't actually care about girls and can ask out a ton of random girls and not care about the outcome. I fell for this girl and I don't want a random girl. I just have so much hope that she'll one day come around and that she'll see me for who I am. but without contact now, I don't feel there's much of a chance at that at all.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok maybe someday she will, but if she was creeped out as you say then the ball is in her court. You can't keep putting yourself out there. That's good that you care about girls genuinely, now find a girl that will genuinely care about you. You are pushing this girl to feel the same way, but like I said pushing it will only push her away. How old are you? I felt this way sophomore year of college but now I'm a senior and reality has kicked in. You need to start facing the truth. reality check!

[Asker]

lol I know. I'm right around your age actually. and this all occurred in the span of around when I personally started college, and after the first semester was done. so since then, this has been troubling me. its just the fact that I'm different is what makes me hope so much, like maybe she'll understand me one day if she looks back. I haven't ever even kissed a girl before in my life, and I don't play women. I'm not casual about my relationships. might be egotistical but I just have hope.

[Opinion Owner]

That's why you're feelings are so strong. When you fall, you fall hard. That's like me..it's because I am so picky. So when I see a dream guy, I think that's my prince and he's the only guy for me. No one can compare.. it took two years till I started liking someone else, that's when I was able to move on. Even though nothing happened with the 2nd guy :( but at least I moved on and realized that guys like my dream boy exsist.. you will not meet the right girl until you move on! think about it

[Asker]

yeah I mean I've met some cool girls in the meantime, a handful, almost wanted to date one, but the more I got to know her, as cool as I thought she was, I didn't want to date her after talking to her. just didn't click. like I do feel I'm to a point where I could find someone else, but at the same time, it just won't be her. she was basically my first love.

[Opinion Owner]

time heals all, why don't you message her? that way you'll have the answer as in to move on or stay liking her.. even tho it seems a bit obsessive. I dk anymore

[Asker]

so it would seem obsessive? that's what I was afraid of. I personally think it's great I'm so devoted to one girl, but girls don't like "obsessive guys" because they're "creepy". it's just all so dumb.

[Opinion Owner]

girls don't like guys that are obssessive, but if she liked you she wouldn't find it obsessive/creepy. its only when a girl doesn't feel the same way "/

[Asker]

i know. I don't even feel like I had a chance with her at that moment in time because she liked jerk-types that were apart of the wrong crowd. I'm not even like that, nor should I have to be to be seen as attractive to a girl. so really how fair was this whole thing?

if I was some ratty, smooth, drug dealing thug or something, I would've had much more of a chance with her at that moment in time, and I know in time, she won't want a guy like that, and I know she's smarter than that.

[Opinion Owner]

ok, just don't go in it with expectations..

[Asker]

if I do go through with this, I'll do my best not to. and I'd just keep my message short. I'd still be petrified. I just don't know if it's worth it, or if I'll really be fine afterward if all goes bad. just don't want to be hurt again. thanks again.

[Opinion Owner]

you're welcome. just know one thing.. life goes on. the sun comes up the next day, so even though it might hurt in the beginning, at least you are not going to have regrets or what-ifs

[Asker]

yeah. but I fear this hope will never go away is all. people change, I know this. most people are different at 26 than there are at 18, 20, 22, and are constantly changing. so part of me is like so what if the what-ifs are gone, what if she just has a change of heart? that's just my thinking. idk. I've just been deeply confused and conflicted about this for a while now.

[Opinion Owner]

well while you're still waiting for her to change, you should still get on with your life. in case she never comes around, at least you still lived your life. and if she does come around, at least she knows she can contact you and message you. but if you are just going to mope and be miserable and even think about relocating then its a problem. its a problem when you let one person affect your life so much :(

[Asker]

I know :( I think I'm losing hair over it as well. no joke. all the stress and anxiety I've felt...

[Opinion Owner]

you know what I suggest! I'm giving you free therapy right now..I seriously ought to get paid from you lol JK. I suggest you speak to a counselor..no seriously. Even if you think they can't help, they will. They won't tell you exactly what to do and not do, but at-least they can help clear you mind, clarify things and guide you to making a better decision. even if its just one time session, it will be beneficial. I've spoken to a counselor and it helped clarify things for me. It's worth it!

[Asker]

haha I think I would pay you if I could! :) I've tried this before, back when things were more prominent and around the time this was all happening. I don't know what use it would be to me now, but I do kinda feel that this, and other things are bogging me down and making me depressed. maybe it would help? I've learned to cope with it all a bit better, but I just want to feel happy and clearheaded like most people my age.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes it would help, that's good that you are coping. I think also its important to have experience in the dating world, and if you don't mingle with other girls or get yourself out there more then of course you will be bogged down from one girl in the past. the guy who I know would have made a great boyfriend and we were connected on so many levels, he could come back around. but I'm not waiting.. and everything happens for a reason. I've learned to accept it, and one I did I met other guys

[Asker]

like I said though this comes and goes in phases for me usually. sometimes I couldn't care much if at all about her, other times I just wish my life could be different and it bogs me down. who knows maybe the hair loss thing is just genetic but either way it worries me haha. but like this is just one of those times I guess. I had a healthy mindset for quite a while, but it takes this to set me back for a couple weeks to have to climb out of it again or something.

[Opinion Owner]

yeah, you have to find a solution. only you can reach acceptance, no one else can force you too. you are the only one that can make yourself happy or sad, if you let it make you sad then you will be. but if you strengthen yourself which I know you can, you can find peace through acceptance and strength and also getting your dignity back.

[Alanaaa]

No, because I don't lead people on. I let them know right away what I want, and how far they're ever gonna get. I don't want someone f***ing with my feelings, so I'll have the courtesy to not f*** wtith theirs. But then again, sh*t happens. Why'd she lead you on? Not that it really matters, because that's a horrible thing to do either way. I don't think you should contact her, just count your losses and move on.

[Asker]

it was all to save me from hurt, which obviously didn't work at all and just made everything worse.

[Anonymous]

I don't even realize I'm leading them on until they ask me out, ask me out on a date, ask for my number,etc. it hits me like a wave because all along I think that I'm being nice and friendly but they obviously take it the wrong way. For some, I fall for them, however the rest can be pretty annoying about it and I ignore them.

[Opinion Owner]

ok I don't know why I clicked the answer question without asnwering yours. I say talk to her and smile with her.

[AmberChick]

Were you the one leading her on or the other way around?

[Asker]

other way around :(

[bel42]

oh yea definitely ..the guilt is always there but I do try to move forward.

[Asker]

after how long for you?

[bel42]

it's usually only a couple of weeks.

[Anonymous]

how did she lead you on? could be that your definition of leading someone on and hers are very different. Ask her why she did that to you, maybe she didn't realize she was doing it.

[Asker]

she was just trying to be nice.