Can I tell my ex girlfriend (and now close friend) she makes bad choices?

[Anonymous]

K here's the deal:

My ex used to date guys who didn't respect or love or treat her the way she deserves to be treated. For instance she dated a guy who actually never even broke up with her just broke off contact and she has had similar experiences.

She also doesn't stand up for herself, ex. her sister comes to the house she lives in (the parental home her parents are always away they're diplomats) eats the food makes the house messy even has party's in there without cleaning up afterward. Al of that is a lot of extra work for her but she doesn't stand up for herself. Out of fear for social conflict or being disliked or something.

She's also too trusting like she stayed over at a guys place who already used one of her best friends to cheat on his girlfriend claiming he'd break up with his girlfriend and never did. And he tried to take advantage of her ...

And she broke up with me and I still don't know why her reasons never made sense to me stuff like that she didn't deserve me that she was bad for me etc. I think she just got scared it was the first serious relationship for her. But I consider it to be a bad decision on her part since she obviously still loved me when she broke up with me.

Now can I talk to her about this? And how should I bring it up?

Its just we might have broken up but I still love and care about her just like I do about my other 2 ex gf's.

Updates

+1 y

PS sorry for the anonymous post but this contains info she wouldn't want people to know about her keeping secrets is a skill I'm proud of.

Updates

+1 y

Extra note: we both care about each other and wel I shared some of my concerns considering her dating record before me and she took that really well and she's changed for the better :)



Ow and erh I always select best answere and vote coments up if people put effort into it :)

[emmabee11]

You can't, I see so many people these days making a tone of bad mistakes, I've tried to tell people but they will start coming out with stuff like "how dare you lecture me when you life isn't perfect ether, my life is fine, so what if I make bad choices" and then I'm just left face palming myself lol, all you can do is just let her learn the hard way herself because she will never listen. Your both not together no more so I know you care about her but you can't be trying to protect her still ether, you got to let her go and learn things herself, it just sounds like she's very confused about what she wants but I think she just needs time to grow up a bit and learn about herself.

If she's sad sure be there for her but telling her she's making bad decisons never works on a young mind and there is nothing wrong with making mistakes, we all make a tone of them, I'm young too and I try to tell myself to stop with the bad habbits, to get my health better, to stop procrastinating when I need to do something important, to stop letting things get me down lol but I don't do any of it and sit here and moan I'm bored lol, I never listen to anyone lol.

[itsmeERICA]

This is like a double-edge sword type scenario. Damned if you do and damned if you don't, lol..Well, unless the other two posters, I think you should talk to her about it. If you guys are close friends like you say, then it really shouldn't hurt. Just be mindful of how you state your concerns.

You can bring it up by saying, "Hey [insert name], there's something I would like to talk to you about. We've been friends for X amount of years and I just want you to know that I care about you, you're a good friend to me, but I have some concerns." Something like that. I hope everything goes well for you and your friend. Let me know how it went if you talk to her.

[Asker]

Thats kinda what I was thinking :)

[Asker]

was hard to chose best answere but this prob is you're 1st ba so :))

[emka90]

Firstly about her sister. You can advice her to talk to her etc, but never push it. Because, it is her family and she knows her family better than anyone. What you might see as right, might not be the case in her family. So, never push.

About the rest... She seems to have self-esteem issue and somebody need to teach her how to love oneself and feel on top of the world. She is probably used to being disappointed and expects it everywhere and gets it. So yes, perhaps you can teach her how to live a positive life. Make her feel on top of the world.

[Asker]

i did manage to increase her selfesteem a lot and what I said about her dating record that won't happen anymore she's starting to be more possitive about herself.

Acoording to her 'i changed her' but I'm just happy for her and proud that she got rid of that bad habit.

[emka90]

Hey that's really good! I think you should continue to do what you are doing :)

[Asker]

its sorta my justice related brain part malfunctioning but I just hate it when girls rn't treated the way they should be by anyone including themselves.

[rivflo89]

"love and care about her just like I do about my other 2 ex gf's."- wow that doesn't sound like she is special at all now. lol

If it doesn't concern you then leave her personal issues "her personal issues." because telling her is going to make her think you're being a jerk and just critizing and then you are gonna lose a friend. I know I don't even have a connection with my sister no more because she is over doing it on same bad choices with guys and when I told her about she thought I was a critical B****. don't waste your time.

[Asker]

she is special to me I care about her more then anyone