I gotta cut him off, but how?

Question

How can I be strong enough to do this? He's disrespected me a few times, and last night was the final straw. It should be, at least. But my whole world lights up with him, and I miss him like crazy. He's my first "love." How do I have the strength to cut him off? Even after last night.. I SHOULD be mad, I know this, but I'm not.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

You aren't alone; MOST people, when they first feel strong romantic love the first time, tend to let those emotions cloud their judgement. The feelings are so powerful and the emotional high so intense that we allow ourselves to be fooled into believing that the bad stuff isn't all that bad, and even worse, women especially let themselves believe that they can somehow "fix" the bad parts of a man, and then everything will be fine. But that's nothing but a lie they tell themselves so they don't have to acknowledge the reality.

You are Sansa, still believing Joffrey is wonderful and brave and just, despite seeing him be cruel to others and to yourself (this is a Game Of Thrones reference, for those who don't know). It's it's a combination of naivete and the strength of the emotions that you've been desperate to feel your whole life, and have finally felt for someone. Of course you don't WANT to let that go (who would?), but by following your heart while your brain is screaming for you to run away, you only put yourself in further danger, and set yourself up to be toyed with and abused, just as Joffrey had Sansa beaten at court for his amusement.

Only you can protect yourself, or make yourself vulnerable to being hurt further. When you make a mistake, the price you pay is apt to be high, but most people must learn that lesson the hard way before they believe it. Everyone tells them that fire burns, but until they stick their own hand into the fire, it's just a pretty light.

martyfellow · Accepted Answer

What outweighs the disrespect?  Is there something worthwhile there in spite of the disrespect? Try to think through what that is...and good luck!

LJHam · Accepted Answer

BELIEVE ME... I KNOW KNOW KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!

It's hard as hell to walk away from someone who gives you something that you want so badly, despite the disrespect you ALSO get from them. And in the end, I didn't have the strength to cut him off even though I tried. He refused to respond to my texts & emails for 2 months. When I finally did get to talk to him over the phone his shear coldness & anger solidified the message he had been sending with his silence. And the message was - HE IS NOT WORTH IT!

Looking back I realize now I should have focused on how he repeatedly disrespected me (instead of focusing on the sweet things he said or the fun times we shared). You have to focus on how you were treated poorly, that is the best way to get through this.

So, just constantly keep in mind that "last straw" incident and the other disrespectful times. That should give you the strength you need to walk away. Good luck!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

He may be able to make you feel your best but I can guarantee when he is disrespectful he can make you feel the worst. You just have to decide when you aren't going to put up with it anymore. Things most likely won't change and think down the road do you want to put up with the disrespect for the rest of your life?

I understand where you are coming from and it took me 5 years to finally walk away. And for 5 years it was extreme highs and lows of emotions because he was never consistent.

Just realize no one deserves to be disrespected. Its hard right now, but take it day by day or even minute by minute if you have to. Getting him back will only tell him its okay to treat you like that.