How do you feel when you see your ex happy without you?

[JapanTomboy]

Everyone says people feel sad/regret when they see their exs happy without them. For psychology purposes, what do you have to say?

Take your happiest relationship: they treated you great, you were happy, in love, and close. Then for some reason you broke up with them, leaving them heartbroken and a month later your friendship goes bad because of outside influences. If you were gone for 3-12 months (military, college, coma/hospital different city/state/country, etc) and came back to see your ex was happy without you, better looking, having fun and more interesting (became a model, got a job in general, became the "it" person, interesting new hobbies, etc) how would you feel?

Updates

+1 y

I meant to say you broke up with them saying things like "I don't love you anymore/you're a loser/you're a lost cause/I can't stand your trust issues" or something like that, the other person still loves you, you have some love for them in your heart. Then you see them later much more improved and happy. What would you feel knowing they still loved you?

Updates

+1 y

OK now let's say you guys were closer than anyone else you've been with, you saw them as the one, but took a break because of stress/personal issues. You feel lonely & be with someone else(why do people do that?)for a little while. This person convinces you not to get back with your ex with "reasons"(lies that make us question each other ie cheating). Your ex denies them & warns your new person will play/leave you. They do. Would you blame your ex? Feel stupid for losing them? Later forgive them?

[ObscuredBeyond]

Which ex? I have a different attitude about each of them.

Carly's a loser. Sure, she drinks and puts a smile on her face; but I can stare into her eyes and see the lack of a soul. What soul she used to have in there, died when she left high school. And the shell of what remained grew more and more shallow as it atrophied with age. She can claim to be doing great without me, or any other man for that matter. But deep down, it's all a lie. And she should know by now I've gotten tired of her lies. She uses and loses every guy that comes her way, so I feel more sympathy for the guy.

Emily is a tragic train wreck, living in a hell-on-Earth that she partially created for herself. I'm not sure there's a single thing I could do to help her now. So I only periodically check to make sure she's still alive. I doubt she'll ever be happy, with or without another man.

Marta got so batsh*t insane towards the end, that I'm almost too scared to ask how she's doing these days. Whatever it is, she can have it. I'm not even curious who she's with these days.

Merre will never be truly happy, only somewhat kept comfortable. She's been an invalid since her car accident, and her mom is extremely protective. So I never stood a chance.

There's another I won't dare mention by name. I sense only evil in her these days, so I stay far away.

Wilgrace is another story. Though she can be a bitch at times, I never truly stopped loving her. If she's happier with someone else, I'm all for it. As long as she's happy *somewhere.*

Right now, I'm interested in a girl named Whitney. I'm reluctant to make too much of a move, because I fear it will never work out. She has serious medical problems, and I'm already pretty much bankrupt. I want to help, but I can't provide what she needs. If someone else snatches her up, then as long as I trust him, I'll let him have her. Because at least she'll be with a solid provider.

[nicenthic]

hahaha... wtf is this bs

[gemglam]

Lol great story had to get popcorn to continue reading it. Juicy ! Lol

[ObscuredBeyond]

Weirdly enough, I finally touched bases with Wilgrace again. She is seeing someone else now. He seems legit, so I'm not worried. I was convinced she'd leave me and hook up with a total loser who'd beat her or take advantage of her, just because his body chemistry amused her more. Apparently, she's gotten wiser with age, and isn't as lacking in common sense as most of the girls I went to college with.

[JapanTomboy]

Oh wow! This is interesting..!

[adeux69]

It all depends on whether you two are going to let your imagination and other associates get the best of you or you two are going to guinely work things out from the heart. It seem to me that is really what you two want to do but it seem like you two have trust issues and letting pride and prestige dictate your relationship. Also, trying to substitute loniness with someone else doesn't set you free the feeling. You two need to have a serious set down and talk things out maturely

[wkwan81]

First and foremost if I did the breaking up with them, then I would be happy for them. However, if it was either way round and I wasn't happy for them, it's probably cos I haven't yet gotten over them.

Further to your update, even if they seem more improved and happy, I don't think I could go back to them, since if it didn't work first time I'd be too afraid to hurt them a second time, nor myself for that matter.

[MalloryJay]

If I broke up with them it would make me happy to see that they were happy and better off. It would make me really sad if they broke up with me and I was heart broken over it, but they were having the time of their life. It just really depends onthe situation, too.

[gemglam]

I would feel happy for them. I would want them to get on with their lives. Besides if we broke my feelings have subsided some and I am probably busy dating someone else to care

[David2410]

First I would never treat anyone with that much resentment and harsh language but I do have experience with what your talking about. I was married for 13 years, we were always great friends and lovers but as we got older I needed more from our partnership and she was always unhappy so we knew that we needed change. We first tried like hell to change for each other and make it work but she never was able to change for me in the way I needed her. Three weeks after we separated she was in a serious relationship with a guy she worked with. Not to sound egocentiric but I have way more to offer and gave her everything she ever wanted from an emotional, supportive and physical standpoint. Still she was already changing for him the way I wanted her to change for me. Stung knowing that after years of her telling me she couldn't change she did it almost effortlessly for somebody else. It has been 10 months, our divorce is final and she is still with him. I am really glad that she is happy and I do wish the best for her but it still sucks thinking I put in all those years of work and love for no reason. I guess we are all different with other people, you just don't know how until it happens.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Sounds to me like she wasn't in it for you. She was in it for what she thought she could get out of you. And when it didn't measure up to her expectations, she ditched you. It could be money, a certain type of street cred, whatever. But that guy had more of whatever she wanted. So she'll change for him like a chameleon. But you were all used up.

I've known users like that. Unfortunate parasites that distract good men from you from meeting more-worthwhile women.

[adeux69]

Lesson learn and life goes on. Don't play yourself as a fallen star. Let your light shine by focusing on your life. Happiness doesn't only come by receiving it from another, it truly comes from within, how you feel about yourself. Don't make him out to be a mountain in your life that you can't get over. Spread your wings and fly to higher heights. You are you and he is him.

[beastman88]

id feel happy for them. I try my best not to carry any resentments, everything happens for a reason. sounds like the break up was the best thing that has happened to him. seems to be the spark that triggered his life to go into a positive direction. you could even feel partially responsible for his success if it makes you feel any better.

[beastman88]

when it comes to relationships I tend to not give second chances, especially when it comes to cheating. assuming I already wasn't in another relationship, id be willing to give a second chance for this type of situation. as long as the other party doesn't revert to the way they were before. if I was cheated on I would never even consider a chance of being together again.

[Justthinkingaloud]

Knowing the person still loved me and we had another chance I would feel happy. Seeing them happy and with someone else I would feel happy for them and sad it couldn't have been us. If it were that I gotten over that person and seen them happy I would again feel happy for them, knowing they still loved me though when I've moved on I'm not completely sure how I would feel other than happy to the fact they are happy and doing ok.

[TheUglyOne]

Life is too short for me to dwell my thoughts on how well my exes are doing. My own problems are enough lol. I focus my energies on making sure I'm doing great, and for myself, not so I can show up my exes.

[IcePick71]

I would be and actually am happy my one true love is happy and very well taken care of. The guy even looks so much like me I have had friends ask if I had a twin brother that does plastic surgery commercials for his practice. I am happy she is happy.

[Little-Hippie]

I don't feel one way or the other.

I left my ex for gaining too much weight.

Seeing her happy without me is basically irrelevant.

Seeing her skinny without me, now that would be worthy of a golf clap.

[Dionysos]

I feel good, either because somebody who I still probably care about at some level is happy. I've never broken up with anyone the way you describe. That had to suck big-time.

[Dovahbear]

I would feel happy for them unless they shoved it on my face by telling me about it a lot or showing off all the time whenever they strike up a conversation with me.

[glitterberryalisa]

fine with me. there's a reason their not in my life anymore

[bulat1990]

Except it and move on to bigger and better things there happy so be happy for them it is what it is somethings just aren't ment to be.

[CPCTHOS]

How do you feel about it? I would be a little discomforted, but overall if I know that they are happy that's all I can ask for. I would never wish ill will on anyone.

[Anonymous]

I am happy for her then.