She had "grass is greener syndrome." Letting her go and dropping off radar best thing to do?

Ex girlfriend of mine broke up with me after 3 year relationship. We had an amazing relationship, we were and still are compatible in just about every way (with enough differences to keep things fresh and fun of course). We were going to move in together and start a life together.

I had to move because it was either move and go to school or go on deployment and prolong life another year. She really was looking forward to the big move with me, but she began to feel bailed on, like I pressured her into getting a job she might not have wanted and her job search did not work out so great. She had reasons to break up, and I understood and accepted them, so she did, and she tried to work on herself. I was devastated but knew we'd be back.

Sure enough, two months later, we are back to talking and working things out. She was depressed about her situation (living at home and job), and about our relationship. Her confidence and motivation were in the tank. Eventually, we really were doing well; working towards getting back together and working things out. She started the job search again and we saw each other as often as we could.

She began to fall victim to "grass is greener syndrome" (I would discover this after the fact). She suddenly distanced herself from me, didn't really give any explanation other then "you're being annoying," she began gaining interests in things she never normally would (her style in clothes, tattoos (we both have some tattoos, but I mean full blown sleeves and such), music etc..), and eventually would tell me she didn't want to talk to me anymore and repeatedly told me to "get over it." She gave no explanation, and probably didn't really have one to give. She probably was and still is just as confused as me.

I didn't know at first what had happened, until she started spending time with someone she is completely incompatible with (I'm sure he's a nice guy, and I probably am exaggerating, but his lifestyle is video games, heavy metal, tattoos, etc.. not very much like her or me at all. And he has a seven year old daughter). That's when I realized that I once again lost the love of my life, my future, but this time to the "grass is greener syndrome."

Ever since telling me she didn't want to talk anymore, I have completely exited her life, and have dropped completely off the radar. No Facebook, Instagram, etc..

If I am to ever have a future with her, am I doing the best thing in just letting her go and vanishing? Is it best to let her sort herself out without any influence or presence, and let her figure out whether or not the grass is greener? What do you think led her into GIGS? Do you think she wonders where I am, what I am up to, etc.. Or does she probably not care right now?

Sidenote:

I am not handling life without her very well at all, but she probably thinks I'm moving on and living just fine without her.

Is it best that she think or believe that?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Im so PROUD OF YOU! Vanishing in order for you to heal properly, at your own pace; right now your mind is in conflict with your heart, thoughts vs. emotions, and you feel like she still wants you and needs you and likewise.But your mind sets in the ambiance of right vs. wrong and all you can do is think of the what if's and how come and will she? I've healed from a relationship all by myself...my family just said oh his gone? Cool want a hamburger or something? My friends went back w their abusive cheating bf's,I felt I had done wrong but trust me, sometimes being strong means having to be weak in internalizing what's given, handling it w care while submersing as a new enhanced you. Clearing the mind healing the heart enhancing the soul. I vanished as well & even though I don't know what impact it might have had on him I know that for me...it has enhanced my being not because I needed change but I actually encouraged it because leaving a relationship at peace in order to have both individuals in a way 'find' their true-self's takes a lot of effort, time and strength. Staying away from her sight will do you well in the long run.Doing it for the right intention will show you what your capable of and deserve to have as an intelligent, humble and wise being. The intention is to again, find yourself and be in complete serenity in your goals, decisions and values once you think about doing everything 'for her' then you've just taken a step backwards.Your questions sound for the wrong intention (because your focusing and draining your emotions into this empty jar of hopes, thoughts and desires to someone who did what she did for her own reasons), LET HER BE. Life will run its course and both of you may change for the better or not but here's the deal...Focus on yourself! Heal and let go of the pain, confusion and desire. Don't jeopardize your health and headaches for her, and yes I do believe she feels the same way at a different rate e.g. you might be sad Friday she might be sad in the same level or worse a month later on Thursday. We're all humans, have the same emotions at different levels at our own pace. 'Grass is greener?' You might have evidence to proof that by her actions just don't have it as an excuse of 'what could have ended it.' If it didn't come from her mouth to you...then leave it alone! Just as you have your own perspective, she has her own but I'm telling you, drop the ideas and just see 'what really happened and what she really said.' It is what it is. Of course she wonders about you! And of course she will not care sometimes because she tells herself too and its a way to move on because the idea of being detached hurts! Our species depends on groups and becoming 'comfortable' is second nature to us, that's why theirs routines, friends, same coffee same place, what's familiar to us. Stop worrying, carrying and suffering about WHAT YOU THINK she might be..thinking, feeling, saying, doing! Stop focusing on the unknown, Start focusing on you

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think its best you move on. Whatever the reason you guys broke if that's what she wants then you are going to have to accept it, you don't have a choice. In your description you kept saying things like "she gained interest in things she normally wouldn't" and "she started hanging out with someone she is completely incompatible with" you even tilted it "Grass is greener syndrome". ? why? You are not going to like me saying this but who are you tell her what she does and does not like, only she knows that, it sounds like she is trying to reinvent herself and try out different looks, becoming bolder maybe even more herself. If she's in her 20s she is defining herself, maybe she felt like you were holding her back from exploring. Maybe she felt you two are not as good of a fit as she first thought when you first started dating. Sometimes a relationship can be an obstacle to personal growth, it takes up time and energy, and you feel you need the other persons approval for things. She just wanted break free and try something new. You don't have to take this personal maybe that relationship was holding you back too and now you are free to try new things and meet new people as well, hell you might even be meant for something better in this life than her and that"s why the universe needed you two to separate.

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What Guys Said 2

  • If she was not compatible with the guy she wouldn't spend time with him. Who cares if she's trying new things? She doesn't have to agree with you on what she likes and doesn't like. I do think you were annoying her. Three years is a lot to get over but I would not be surprised if you chased her out by constantly condescending her to the point where she could no longer stand to be around you and I really don't blame her for it when you make up stuff like her having a "grass is greener syndrome." What someone does after a breakup is never any of your business.

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  • 99.99% of the posts on this site can be answered with the following phrase:

    "Move on"

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