How can I break up with a girlfriend who might kill herself?

[Anonymous]

I love my girlfriend but she is self destructive we get along but we fight almost every day and almost everyday she cries. We've been together about a year and a half and I don't know if I can take it anymore. To her credit she has rights to be depressed but I try my hardest to make her happy always putting her before myself. When we fight she hurts herself and it just hurts me a lot because I feel guilty. She just never wants to take responsibility for how she makes me feel sometimes and she says I attack her when I'm simply talking from my point of view. I can't reason with her and if I break up with her she says she will kill herself. I can't live with that guilt over my head and she will try to. Its an impossible situation I have no idea what to do.

[brokengirl]

You have really got to leave this girl, she has no care whatsoever about how you feel and is just plain immature. Who would go parading about how they want to kill themselves? She's using the guilt trip on you and she's doing it very well. Breaking up with her may seem cruel to you, but you have to start thinking about yourself and think about what she's done for you. Coming from what you've described, she clearly doesn't care about how you feel about anything and just wants full control, but yeah blah blah I'm sure you know that.

For one thing, get her parents involved. That way there will be someone looking after her and make sure she doesn't hurt herself. (Seriously, that girl needs help.) Once you get that done, you go in there and break up with her. You tell her how you feel, let it all out, and you'll see that the more you talk about how unfair you've been treated, the more you see the light as to why this relationship has got to end. If you love her...then I'm sure you jsut want her to be happy...but if you being around her will only cause the both of you to argue, and she won't even settle for a compramise (or care about how you feel), then that just losses the point with being with her. End it, and end it quick. Move forward and hopefully someone will teach her how to stop being selfish and manipulate peoples feelings.

I've been down this road..and I really feel for you. Remembering it just makes me so mad. I really hope everything works out for you..and her ofcourse. Despite what I said, I don't think she's "evil" or a "bad" person since I don't know her...she probably just doesn't know how to control herself..and I hope one day she will.

Good Luck.

[Anonymous]

I know its tough but you need to leave this destructive relationship!

You are not helping her or yourself by staying with her! She has already shown little thought for your feelings by threatening to take her own life! My Ex did this to me, and I stayed for 2.5 years, eventually we split as I realized I could no longer help him.

Your girlfriend is obviously very mixed up and needs help, but you are not the right person to give it to her, try talking to her about counseling, though I'm sure you already have and she has refused! If not the next step is to leave and to inform a member of her family!

My Mum said to me about my situation, if it was the other way around she would want to know and she would never forgive my partner if he did not inform her what was going on.

SHe needs help and support and the best people to do that are her family, this also means that if she did try anything (which I very much doubt she would as most people that are going to kill themselves do not tell anybody!) you would have done everything you could to help by informing the people closest to her!

I do not mean to make it seem as though she is lying about doing it, any threat of suicide should be taken seriously and dealt with as soon as possible!

Goodluck and I hope you and your girlfriend can both be happy, together or apart!

[overthinkingit]

When she says she is going to kill herself she is trying to get your attention. Obviously you know that she says that so that you won't leave her, but it isn't a very good reason for you to stay in the relationship. I had to have "gatekeeper" training for when people are thinking or talking about suicide and the main message that I got from that is to take the person seriously. Next time she says that, tell her that you want to take her to the local hospital or that you will need to call the police because you are worried about her. You can always go to the er, or call a local psychiatric hospital. Other than that there is nothing you can say to keep her from hurting herself. When I broke up with my boyfriend he said that he would hurt himself if I left, so I told him "I am leaving, if you hurt yourself that is not on me, it is on you...it's your choice." He didn't hurt himself, but I needed him to know that I wasn't going to feel guilty had he chose to take that action.

[Asker]

We broke up for a while and she took some pills she said like 10 asprin and some others. she will do it that's the problem. and what if I'm not around to take her to a hospital and neither are her parents?

[overthinkingit]

Are her parents aware of the problem? If she is suicidal then it might be best for her to have a psychiatric evaluation. If the police were to be called and found her to be a danger to herself or others they could put her on emergency protective custody (epc) and she would get a psych eval. and all of the help she needs before being released. It might sound drastic, but so is committing suicide...that is the worst thing anyone could do. Are you staying with her just so she won't kill herself?

[Asker]

I do love her and I enjoy being with her its just at times its hard to stay because she drives me away and hurts herself

[overthinkingit]

What does she do to drive you away?

[Asker]

She just kind of shuts down and stops talking to me and if I just wait for her to talk to me she gets upset anyway. sometimes I can't win

[overthinkingit]

I totally understand. maybe next time she shuts down like that ask what is wrong...im guess that she will say "nothing" or w/e, then you can just say "you know I'm here and ready to listen when you want to talk about it" This way you are acknowleding her feelings without overstepping any boundaries. It sounds like she could benefit from talking to a counselor though, which is definitely not anything to be ashamed about.

[Asker]

Only problem is she won't see a counseler or anybody she jsut doesn't like them

[overthinkingit]

Yeah and people won't change or seek help until they are ready. just set some limits for yourself...know when enough is enough and it is time to leave.

[_anonymous_]

Okay my girlfriend is the same way and I feel for you man. She is self destructive and deeply depressed. I have been dating her for half a year and at times I feel so deeply hurt by her actions that I feel I need to take the quickest exit out of this relationship. She speaks of killing herself as your girlfriend does, and I understand your concern in breaking up with her. The thing is you and her despite your constant arguments probably love each other deeply, but when somebody is self destructive they aren't happy with themselves no matter whom they are surrounded by. SO you need to do what you feel is best for yourself, because when things get put into perspective your unhappy and you do not deserve to be that way. Distance from her and then breakup so it doesn't hit her as such a surprise. Talk to her mum, if she is not the reason for her destructive behavior, let her know her intent and recommend help. I am sure you already have thought this over in depth but in the end worry about yourself, if your surrounded by somebody like that they will only bring you down. I sincerely hope things work out for you,

Sincerely, a guy in the same damn position.

[jbballgurl]

i just got out of this situation. Once I broke up with him he threatened to kill himself he even cut but when I looked close at his arms it was scratches not actual cuts...has she ever attempted before..and if so what made it unsuccessful? did she tell someone she had done something or did someone catch her? If she told someone she obviously got scared by the situation and is using the I am going to kill myself as wanting attention and obviously she knows will keep you around. But I think you need to get her parents involved regardless she needs help if she is having these thoughts!

a fact for you...i did a lot of research trying to help my ex and I found out that if someone wants to kill themselves 99% of the time they WILL NOT tell someone before they do it and the first attempt is the only attempt needed because they WILL be successful!

[Asker]

She has attempted before and the only thing that stopped her was the pills didn't kill her. She basically over dosed on excedrin and aspirin

[jbballgurl]

Well I say you get others involved...aka..parents! and get her help!! if she is having these thoughts she will try something else and anything could trigger it. Don't make her believe it is your fault if she attempts something, this is her being depressed for some reason and its not just over you.

[dancer469xo]

if she has suicide thoughts I think she needs to talk to some one or put under care so you can break up with her because its a problem if she's harming herself and even if she doesn't kill herself after you she might do it some other time so id get her some help...or she's being minipulative...but it sounds liike she has a problem tht needs medicl attention... good luck