How to end a relationship with a self harming girlfriend?

so, I've started 'seeing' this girl. on the surface she's the perfect 'take home to meet the parents' kinda girl. however she (like all of us) has her problems, but, she is a self harmer. now i made it clear to her when i found out that i couldn't date someone who self harms and made her promise me she would never do it again... so far she kept her word. she is a very anxious person who worries about everything, where as im generally a very laid back person but i feel myself getting more and more anxious by having to carefully select my words, facial expressions, tone of voice so that i dont make her anxious, so she doesn't get upset, sona really nice convo turns into me trying to cheer her up... its hard work that ashamedly i am just not up to. I've done a lot of soul searching and i realise my heart is not in the relationship like hers is. i know i need to break it off as its not fair to string her along... but i dont want her to cut because of me... other deets... we live in different countries and met whilst i was in her country, we speak for hours every day online and have done since i came home. she is planning to move here to be with me towards the end of this year and i was all for it but i just dont feel the same way anymore... no travel/move plans have taken place... just ideas so far.. so its not the fact of a big change looming nor is it a commitment issue. im really just not into the relationship as much as she is. so... in summery how do i break up with a girl that self harms whilst being 1000's of miles away not knowing her friends/family and not being able to keep a distant eye on her for her safety? we both deserve to be happy... this just isn't THAT relationship.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Be honest and tell her that. Maybe FB message a friend and tell them to keep an eye on her. At some point you can't take the blame or energy for someone elses decision. Everyone has to deal with their issues and sometimrd you have to be selfish for your own mental stability. Tell her you need a break. This way it leaves up a possibility without the compromise and see how she manages it. Your in an ideal position because your far away and dont have to deal with the drama of her in person. If she crosses that continent and you leave her than that just makes it a more sticky situation. Better to rip the bandaid now than later. Dont waste her or your time. of you are not commited.

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What Guys Said 1

  • What about a gradual slowing down of talking back and forth and cutting back communication to start with. Do you know or have access to contacting her family? Maybe give them a heads up as what is about to happen so they can look in on her.

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