Would you rather get dumped before exams or have your girlfriend lead you on until you're done them?

[Anonymous]

I have to break up with my boyfriend of 2.5 months. The only problem is he starts exams in a few days for 11 days. After that is Christmas, both of which I will likely be ruining for him.

As a student I understand how this would be bad before exams but I also wouldn't want someone to be pity dating me which I would have to be doing and will just have to cancel our plans/lie because I don't want to kiss/sleep with him.

We only see each other ~8 or so hours a week so is it possible he might not take it so bad?

I feel really bad :s He's a great guy I just NEVER get to see him, have no emotional connection and am reconciling with my ex.

Updates

+1 y

What do I do in the mean time?!?!?!?


I don't want to see or hang out with him to lead him on.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for the advice.


In my catch22, lose-lose situation I've decided I'd rather him hate me for being a shit girlfriend than causing him to fail/do badly in his (really hard) courses.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you've been losing interest in him for a while. To be honest if a girl was interested in me and didn't tell me she was losing interest it would be annoying. If she led me on until exam time and broke up with me during exams that would be really annoying especially if she could have done it a few weeks before hand. I'd say wait until after exams if you want things to end on a good note.

I had a girlfriend who knew she was bored of me for 2 months. Every time I'd visit her which was rare she'd literally be all over me. When I wasn't around she'd only talk to me once a week. I asked her about it (if she was losing interest) and she said she's introverted and she just needs space which I believed because that's also what I noticed before we started dating. Well one week I couldn't see her because of many exams and other stuff concerning university on top of that. She knew this and broke up with me during that week and I found it very inconsiderate. Especially because she admitted to lying to me for two months about being fine when she wasn't.

I found that she had very poor timing with it and it was frustrating because it really made me feel like she didn't care about me. I'd say show disinterest and start talking to him less and less over the 11 days. If he asks if you're losing interest don't lie to him just tell him that you'll talk to him after his last exam and you want him to focus on studying. When you break up with him tell him you like him and care about him (which I'm assuming you do), but tell him that he's busy with life and you're busy with life and that both of your schedules clash and that you really need a boyfriend you can see more often. Not telling a guy why you're breaking up with him is the worst thing you could do.

P.s. I have to agree with another poster that it sounds like you really didn't give him much of a chance. Being in university myself it gets pretty chaotic at times and sometimes I just don't have time to socialize with people and on top of that I get 4 or less hours of sleep a night. Though he should make a tad bit of time to talk to you a day. Even if it is only 15-20 minutes over the phone or while multitasking of text. Maybe you could help him study. I think you should talk to him about this and if not wait until after exams and be honest. If you're honest at least you didn't lie and gave him no reason to break his trust with you or for him to hate you.

[nyfan25]

I don't know if you'll see this, but I figure I'll throw in my two cents.

I was in this exact situation in my sophomore year of college, except I was breaking up with my then girlfriend. I took the "wait because I don't want her to fail exams" route and regretted it almost immediately. It was a terrible thing to do to her, she felt worse that I had led her on. What's worse is that she KNEW something was wrong, because I wasn't myself. Due to our schedules we barely saw eachother during exam week (like at all), and I had made this decision right at the beginning of the week. Well once you get home for Christmas, you have nothing but time. I felt really guilty the whole time, and since I wasn't being normal it pretty much ruined both of our Christmases anyway.

Seriously, I would reconsider waiting. He won't appreciate it. He's a big kid, and he'll hate you more for leading him on. Unless you do it RIGHT after his exams. But waiting the whole winter break isn't fun for either of you. And it's not fair to him OR to you. And his exams are over 11 days, it's not like you're telling him 2 minutes before he sits down for a test.

I read some of your other posts, and you are right. If it isn't right, it isn't right. I wouldn't mention your ex, but really waiting is terrible. My ex actively hates me. I still have friends who know her, and she told me upfront when we finally broke up that I should have told her, the timing isn't something you can control.

I said the same thing, that I'd rather her be more angry than ruining her exams. Firstly, the exams won't be ruined, and secondly it's not right for you to decide that for him, just like it wasn't right for me.

[Asker]

Thanks for the insight :) It's a tough situation to be in hey! Especially with half of people saying different things!

[PinkAcid]

definitely wait till after the exams, nothing worse than not being able to concentrate or feeling really bad and getting awful grades when you know you could have done way better, at least you won't be wrecking his long term future even if you do ruin his short term future (Christmas or after when you dump him)

just fake being ill with vomiting or diarrhoea to make him not want to kiss you and give you an excuse not to see him as often, then say you're working late shifts leaving you exhausted which is making the illness stick around longer and say whenever you do feel better you don't want to encroach on his study time so youd rather text him during his breaks

[gialuan]

It seems like there wasn't much of an emotional connection between the two of you. Therefore, it would probably be OK if you broke it off before exams. Most (not all) guys have a one-track mind and if he's got his sights set on passing his exams, then he'll be focusing on that despite the break up. But it might not go down that way.

[Betwyn]

I guess it would depend on the guy...

I'd like to say just kick him to the curb...

but if you really think that he'd bomb his exams because of it...

wait until right after his last one...

But don't let it drag out over Christmas.

[Anonymous]

If this guy was a bad guy, I'd say, leave him now, because he doesn't deserve to have his girlfriend be considerate towards him.

But if he's a great guy or even an average guy, I say, yes be considerate. Wait until his exams are over, because exams are so damn important. Two weeks may seem like a long time, and I know it may be uncomfortable for you, but this is his future we're talking about. You don't have to wait until after Christmas. At Christmas, he'll have family and friends around him: he'll be fine. But being dumped right before exams would seriously damage him. I'm not saying you should necessarily sleep with him, though (and I'm being serious) if I was in your position, I probably would: if I had a great girl as a girlfriend that I wanted to dump, I probably would show her affection for a couple of weeks just to get her through her exams.

[Asker]

If I don't dump him tonight (which we have plans for) I'll have to cancel and lie to him about why I can't see him until after exams. Since I've only known/been with him for 2.5 months I'm not risking ruining things with my ex who cares for me more than this guy does.

Is that still better than dumping him?

[Asker]

And as bad as it is I'll be cheating on him with my ex until his exams are done...

I guess my ex isn't really my ex anymore...

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, I think that's still better than dumping him.

[Opinion Owner]

If you dump him now, that makes your interactions with your ex so far worse in a way (you could have dumped your guy earlier, before these interactions with your ex got serious). At least, if you continue to deceive him in order to keep him emotionally OK during the all-important exam period, you're redeeming yourself in a way. And this ex is your ex for a reason. If he can't keep things a little quiet for two weeks, is he really worth it? He needs to understand that life is complicated.

[Opinion Owner]

And as for all these people saying 2.5 months isn't a long time, well it isn't, but who knows how he will react? Don't you think that this is quite a large chance that his exam performance will be negatively affected at least slightly? Even if he doesn't like you much personally, the fact of having been dumped might still damage him. And if 2.5 months isn't a long time, surely you can manage two weeks/

[Asker]

So you'd rather be lied to and cheated on through exam week?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes. Absolutely. When you dump him after exams, he'll feel bad about this situation, but in hindsight he'll be glad that he wasn't hit with this just before his exams. Exams are absolutely life-changing. The fact is, you're already cheating on him at least emotionally: so it's not like you're debating the morality of cheating itself anymore. If a girl dumped me right before exams, I'd think that she hates me: it would definitely affect my exams, even if I had been dating her only 2.5 months.

[Opinion Owner]

If you dump him now, you're gambling away your boyfriend's future because of the fear of two weeks' slight inconvenience. Perhaps I was a bit harsh saying you're already cheating. But you're already lying to him definitely. So I think we both know that it's not a dislike of lying that's making you want to dump him now.

[b456455]

he won't care either way. 2.5 months isn't long and you hardly have a connection it seems.

nice of you to consider his feelings though. But in all honesty, he will be hurt for 2 minutes, think about how he is single again, and be happy. If you had no connection his eyes were already on someeone else anyways

[Asker]

Hopefully!

[standUP]

Call him NOW ! how dare you wait another second !

What you think you're a Saint not wanting to lead him on any longer? WOW Poor you with this dilemma .

What do YOU do in the mean time? I got a suggestion !

(** **** ********)

[Asker]

I'm guessing you've never done post secondary education and know what final exams are like... esp when they're 50% of your grade!

[standUP]

I have actually...and I also know that being deceived by a selfish -------- is far worse !

[Asker]

His grades aren't great and these exams are worth %50. I'd rather him hate me for being the sluttiest, worst, girlfriend ever than for causing him to fail his courses and have to repeat them next fall semester thus putting him a full year behind.

[standUP]

why are you asking a question when your mind is already set? WTF?!

[Asker]

It wasn't when I asked the question. I was supposed to meet him earlier but didn't do it.

[standUP]

Ok well sorry that hit a sore spot obviously.. You are going to do what you are going to do. But he was in school way before he met you. You are not something that will end his world if it ends.

I would want to know ASAP, call him NOW please it is the right thing to do. He still has time to find someone else to bring to the Holiday visit if he so chooses. If you wait you rob him of that and his mindset thinking he is in your heart when he actually isn't. It's devious to let go on !

[bDizzie]

I'd say the sooner the better, but honestly it sounds like you haven't given him a chance. I can't stand 'reconciling with the ex' as a reason. You guys split up for a reason, why would you then get back together? Look forward not backward!

[Asker]

If it's not right it's not right. People know this 2.5 months in and if it's not right then something magical isn't going to happen one day to make it so...

[Anonymous]

Honestly, what do you think would be worse? Being distant until after the holidays or just having an honest conversation and saying he's a great guy but it's just a good match for you? It's only been 2.5 months. He'll be fine as long as you're kind and compassionate about it and be honest. But probably don't mention you ex...

[kangaru]

I would say meanwhile let him focus on his exams but before that tell him that you will speak to him after exams. My concern is it might affect his concentration.

if you don't love a guy don't go on date or relationship with him

[Asker]

You need to date and begin a relationship to find out if you love them...

[kangaru]

if there is no emotional connectionin the first place why is there a relationship?

there must be sparks there first

[Asker]

To discover if you have one. He's amazing, wonderful and unbelievably good looking but we get to see each other 8 hours a week. He wasn't in school when we started dating but now he is and 8 hours a week isn't enough to build and sustain an emotional connection. He's not taking a break for summers until he's done and that will be in 3-4 years.

[kangaru]

I believe one need to have attraction towards the other party when they go on date or relationship.

there must be something intangible that bond both together when they proceed to next level. we don't go OK let's date and OK we become boyfriend or girlfriend. I believe you have some feelings for him at the beginning right?not like zero

[croxy]

Personaly I would be pissed if she waited just because of the exams, even if it is too be nice, I just don't think I would apriciate that, I would rather just deal with it.

[Asker]

After 2.5 months and rarely seeing each other he probably wouldn't be absolutely devastated would he?

[croxy]

He most likely feel the same way you do.

[Anonymous]

I'm just been dumped by my 3 years boyfriend (for another girl), and I would've prefer that he wait after the end of the semester. Now I'm also going to fail all of my classes.

[bettybets]

Both are terrible. Both are lose-lose situations.

[Asker]

Exactly! That's what makes it hard.

[Anonymous]

Dump him after exams.

[Opinion Owner]

Just be too busy in the interim. He should be too busy too since he'll be studying. I know I'd appreciate it if you at least didn't screw with my exam results. I think you're doing the right thing.

[Asker]

That's what I did. I'll say I'm working nights for the next bit...

[Asker]

Thanks

[Opinion Owner]

No prob. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'd prefer to be dumped after exams.

[Anonymous]

Dump after for sure!