How do I deal with an emotionally abusive ex?

Our relationship was okay. Ultimately, we just weren't right for each other. We also had some big trust issues which lead to me breaking up with him. That was 8 months ago. I still love him and have been trying to be his friend and to continue to support him.

Here's the big issues:

1: He owes me money. A lot of it. I paid his rent three times in 1.5 years ( once after we broke up and he moved out of my place). He hasn't made an attempt to pay any of it back in the last 7 months

2: He says I'm the only one he wants/ wants to date but at the same time he's dating other women and has an online dating profile up. I don't get this, can somebody explain how you can do that?

3: His drinking! BIG Issue! Over the last few months I've often gotten very negative texts ( calling me names, saying I abandoned him, telling me not to contact him and then 5 minutes later saying I'm ignoring him) normally late at night. The next day, he texts and apologizes and says that he doesn't mean it and is really angry at himself. It's wishy washy and emotional abuse. Especially since I've told him to stop and he hasn't. Sorry doesn't mean squat if you don't change the negative behaviour. It's been extremely hurtful and has hurt me more than the lies and the cheating he did during our relationship.

Almost a month ago we were hanging out and we went for dinner. After he kept asking if I wanted " dessert" meaning sex. I told him no, that we need to make sure the friendship is solid before attempting any sort of friends with benefits situation. He asked if he could date/sleep with other people and I said yes, since we are broken up and not dating at this point in time ( maybe once he's working and paid me back and we've both dealt with our trust issues we could date again. But that's not happening anytime soon). He then got mad, said he was testing me and asked what was the point of being friends if we weren't having sex. WTF?

After talking ( and crying) for many hours we decided to continue trying to be friends. That lasted a week before another barrage of drunken negative texts. He then apologized and then stopped talking/texting/contacting me for the last few weeks.

I've sent him a few texts. Mostly of the "Hi. How are you?" " Want to hang out" "hope you're okay" variety. Last night at midnight, he sent me a text letter essentially saying that there's nothing between us other than the fact he owes me money. I'm a " fair weather friend" who " toys with people", I suck and I've given up on him. I also "want a conditional friendship". (I said choose, be a friend or not)

I don't think I've been a fair weather friend at all and have been trying everything I can to help him and make the break up easier for him. I have never attacked his ego nor taken my anger out on him ( something he's always done to me). I don't know what to do anymore. Should I write him back? Or should I not contact him at all and leave it at that. I still love/miss him and truly do value him and his friendship.

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What Guys Said 1

  • It's amazing that you still contact him back.

    If you still value him, you can also value the next bum in the street, who will probably treat you better.

    Cut your losses with the money, block his number and move on.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Kick his ass and take his money.

    No seriously, what a c**t nugget. Get your money back and cut ties completely. Why would you want such a manipulative piece of shit in your life?

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  • The fact you are aware its an emotionaly abusive relationship is good.

    An ex is an ex for a reason. I wouldn't personaly bother with someone ( wither intoxicated or not) who called me names.

    Run cut your losses and just run.

    As for the cash if you don't have proof you paid his bill then I'm afraid its gone.

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