Girls, Stop Making Stupid Rules About Contacting You!

[Jarett]

As a server one time I had a table with a couple of girls for lunch. They were both cute. I chatted with them a bit, I was nice, but really didn't do a ton of flirting. But when they left, they left a phone number on the table. Well after work I texted them to see what was up. They never responded.

So later that day, I called and left a message, just in case they didn't have texting on their phone. And they never got responded. And I was lost to why they never called or texted me back. I mean, I never asked them for their number, I didn't give them my number, so why would they go out of their way to leave their number, but not answer, or get back to me.

A few months later, I've talked to different girls about giving out their numbers, and I've found some interesting responses. There are some girls, who after they give out their number, like it when a guy calls that day and shows that he's interested. But other girls get creeped out, or "turned off" when a guy calls that day or that night. Of course they don't want guys to wait like 3 or 4 days, but they also don't want them to call that same day.

And my question is, WHY?

You can't stick a piece of chocolate cake in front of someone and tell them not to eat it. If you give a guy your number, and the guy is interested, then he's going to want to talk to you as soon as he has time. Does this make a guy creepy or desperate? No! If a girl gives me her number, and I think she's cute, then I'm going to want to talk to her and possibly hang out with her. I am not a desperate guy, and I'm not creepy. But if I'm interested, I'm going to show that by trying to get in contact with her that day.

"You can't stick a piece of chocolate cake in front of someone and tell them not to eat it!"

Girls have these stupid rules about how many days it should be, or shouldn't be, for a guy to call after a date, or after giving their number. And they get this number of days from advice from a dating book, or from something they hear. But here's the deal. What you think a guy should do, and what another girl thinks a guy should do is going to be different.



How can you make all these hoops that guys have to jump through at different times? How do you expect a guy to know what YOUR rules are? Because your rules are going to be different from the next girl.

Now if you think a guy is going to be creepy or seems desperate, DON'T GIVE HIM YOUR NUMBER. Is it possible that a desperate or creepy guy might call you that same day? Of course! But just because a guy wants to talk to you as soon as possible doesn't make him desperate, it doesn't make him creepy, all that it means is that he's interested.

Don't view it as a turnoff, realize what it really is, and that's a compliment. Don't just throw your number out to whomever. Get to know the guy, and if he seems like a nice guy, then give him your number to get to know him better, or get his number.



Now I'm not telling you to be easy, that's not it at all. I believe a guy should still have to earn you as far as being your boyfriend. But don't make stupid rules that ONLY YOU KNOW ABOUT, and that could possibly ruin your chances with a great guy who is interested in you. Why would you push away a guy that might like you, if you don't even know him? If you don't want a guy to call you that same day or night, DON'T GIVE HIM YOUR NUMBER.

If you read dating or relationship books, or get dating or relationship advice, and it gives rules, make sure you realize a couple of things:

• The first thing is that some rules are just stupid. As far as number of days that a guy should wait to call you, or not saying yes to a guy who wants to hang out with you on the weekend, but doesn't ask before Wednesday, give me a break. These rules are stupid, and although the meaning behind them might not be stupid, the fact that you're making windows of time for guys to jump through is dumb.


• The second thing you need to realize, is that if you read some kind of a rule in a book or magazine, or hear it from someone, you can't expect anyone else to know the rule. Guys can't read minds, and there is no possible way for us to know everything there is to know about girls and dating. We don't know all the rules, we don’t even know most of the basics. So realize that we haven't read all the dating books or magazine articles you've read. If you want something or like something a certain way, please let us know.

Because like I said, every girl is different. You can't blow us off because we can't read your mind.

[Jarett]

It doesn't miss the point. Girls are stupid sometimes and make up stupid rules, or read stupid rules in dating books from other girls THAT ONLY THEY KNOW ABOUT, and they expect guys to magically know them & jump through the hoops. Like I said, if you don't want the guy to call you DON'T GIVE OUT YOUR NUMBER. I have heard all sorts of rules from girls, so it doesn't miss the point. This article is nothing about chemistry. If you don't have chemistry, don't be stupid and give the guy your number

[rdabby]

Actually I wouldn't give my number to a guy unless I do want him to call and my rule actually is not the first call the second and third calls that matters to me.

My advice to all guys is not to follow these rules its just stupid..what matter is that he called ! doesn't matter when or how many times if she likes you she will appreciate it even if it was a sms!!!

[ap1100]

One more comment since I'm on a roll... why is it we guys complain so much about women not calling back? Yes, it's a bit rude, but while guys are quick to complain that women give out their number to bask in the attention, many guys just want the accomplishment of getting a girl to answer the phone. It goes both ways. If she doesn't call back, figure she's done you a favor. I know it's cliche, but is the goal to stroke our egos with every girl that crosses our path, or to find a good girl?

[rainydaydreamaway]

I don't think you creeped them out by calling that soon. I think they needed their ego boosted by proving they could get a call from a cute guy just by leaving their number and they had no intention of making any real contact with you.

I am sorry, but some women are like that. Some guys are like that too - will ask for your number just to prove to their egos and their friends that they are desirable but will never call and had no intention of ever doing so.

Lame and immature!

[ap1100]

@cutebubble As much as I'm more on the girls' side on this one, I'm really getting tired of girls thinking so many guys are "stalkers" or "creepy". 98% of guys (and girls) are NOT, at their core, stalkers, creepers, rapist, etc. No chemistry... sure. Yes, caution is warranted, but this idea that half of the men you meet are planning to follow you to a parking lot and rape you is ridiculous. And having been to over 40 countries, America is the ONLY country where women are this uptight about it.

[ap1100]

Is this a question or a rant? I'd say, as much as we guys hate to admit it, most girls we meet aren't into us. That's why they didn't call. If George Clooney called them, it wouldn't matter. The rules are usually not conscious rules but merely an assessment of the situation. As much as women in a post-femnist era want to proclaim they don't judge, we all judge people and situations. If she wasn't that into to you to begin with, it's not out of line to create a story to rationalize it more

[amberview]

I never thought there was a rule for when a guy called you. I thought that if he didn't call soon (like in a day or two) that he wasn't interested. Really if it is more than 24 hours I think he's not interested. I did buy into the crap about girls not calling guys for years though. Thanks for the article.

[random255]

"Guys can't read minds"

You need to weigh in on the "do you believe in psychics" poll. :)

And absolutely right, girls need to stop thinking in their own heads and expecting those around them to keep up. Besides, if a guy CAN read you mind, he'll also know how shallow you are..

[metaldave20]

I heard my mom say once, that if he gives her his number or she gives him her number, and yes it works both ways, girls, its not always guys getting the girls number, that... sometimes if they do, and they don't call you back, its most likely that they were just thinking about it at that time, but not really that quote unquote interested, I dk really just a thing I heard, giving my opinion

[Vassar]

Girls hate it when you text them first after you get their phone number....its just a game though you can call her in 24 hours but that won't spark attraction..the best thing is to be allusive, usualy with girs thay don't think logicaly, they are wired differently, they are more feeling yes it would make more sense to us guys to call a.s.a.p. but a girl will feel that you are too easy that's no fun he's allways there, then they loose interest and call you clingy which I hate that word....

[sarah-a180]

This misses the point.

I don't know any girl who would say "I really like him but he called me before 24 hours so I'm not going to date him."

These rules are about creating good chemistry. When you break "the rules," you're doing things that often make guys seem clingy, or desperate, or whatever.

Giving out a number doesn't entitle you to anything. If she doesn't feel the chemistry when you call, why should she go out with you? If you call right away & she doesn't wanna talk, why should she?

[A-R-Norman]

You get a 10 just fro the title alone--high five! LOL And you are right--one of the reasons I never dated women despite an attraction is all the mind reading game they play--that is why I love mah boyz--you guys are up front about what you want--no games at least in this respect!

[The-Nash]

I def. agree that the last thing we guys are - are mind readers! I hate when I have to try and figure out what rules are what. Similar situations like you talked about in this article happen to me frequently and it's just not cool. It reminds me of jr. high. It's like, if they can't express what they wanted, why put someone in a situation to waste their time.

[cutebubble]

Well I'm thinking maybe calling on the same day shows ur too eager or like a stalker or something. I know there shouldnt be these rules, but maybe its not a rule, just a natural response. guys are freaked out by over eager girls too and then want to be left alone. its really weird how the human psyche works. on the other hand, if you have genuine conversations with people, and ur genuinely really interested and fascinated by them and enjoy talking to them, then its ok calling whenever.

[jeeperss]

..the very next day, but certainly not by the fact that he contacted me the next day. Or the day of. What I didn't like is when one time a guy asked me to a party, got my number, and then didn't get a call or anything from him till a week and a half later--- the day of the party! Afternoon in fact. I mean.. what is that?

[jeeperss]

I don't have such rules! In fact, I am so confused by dating "rules" in general. I wish people told the truth. It shouldn't be mean or blunt if you're turning someone down, but you should at least make it clear. And I prefer if a guy calls the same day or the next the latest. Otherwise I think he wasn't that interested to begin with. I figure, if you are interested, you DO want to contact the person, no? You seem to agree! I've been turned off by a guy texting m every 2hrs or so the very next

[wesley55]

Great article. The only point I would disagree with is the thing about a guy has to "earn" a girl. I think all these games that we play "men and women" are childish and need to stop. I don't understand why it had to be so hard. It seems to me if you like some one you should be able to just tell them and spend time with them.

[ALWAYSclassy]

But don't make stupid rules that ONLY YOU KNOW ABOUT,

lol that's funny and true.

I don't care if a guy calls me the same day. Actually to me it's better than him trying to be cool and calling you a week later.

[Standingpretty]

I'm a girl, but I never made stupid rules like these. I was happy if the guy I liked even called me at all, because that's better than nothing.

[haleyb]

I totally agree that these rules are completely ridiculous. My only comment is that I haven't heard them being used since middle school

[cuagain24]

I agree! I mean, its true though. try to contain ur love for a night. then call awhile later.

[bluerocks]

Hot chicks are nuts. I am convinced of it. So much easier to chill with average girls.