Guys, If you dont like approaching women, you dont have to!

[Anonymous]

Recently I made quite a shocking discovery that made me change the way I viewed dating.

I am a good looking guy, 21 years old, with good prospects for the future, and a nice, loyal, and caring attitude. You would think a guy like me would be swarming with girls right? Well in my home country of the US....not so much, girls dont exactly "swarm". Not because women dont want me, they do, but they expect me to make a move, they expect me to talk to them first. I can't tell you how many girls I've met that have given me signs they want me to approach them, but never come talk to me themselves. To be honest I am an extremely introverted guy, communication does not come easy to me, and so I am terrible at starting conversations, and displaying interest in girls. This is a part of me that I accept, girls might look at me and say "wow you can't approach women? You should fix that" but I dont want to fix that, I dont see it as a fault, but a defining feature of me. I can approach women, but why should I when I am not the kind of person to be approaching anyone out of the blue. If a guy is sitting across from me at the bar, I would never strike up a conversation with him, so why should I for a girl? Just because I am a guy doesn't mean I should be changing who I am to get a girlfriend, and so I embrace being an introvert, and I also embrace my refusal to approach women, especially when these women are more outgoing then me, they have no excuse for not approaching me if they are extroverted and good with words.

I am pretty angry that girls dont approach me themselves, and just sit on the sidelines waiting for me to do something.

I hate approaching girls, and I hate having to do everything, as I have said. I am sure other guys are mad about it as well. Right now if you are of the male gender, you must do the initiating. Even if you are an extreme introvert such as myself you are expected to do the initiating, there is no exception. If you dont become less introverted then you will not get a girlfriend. You guys know as well as I do that unless you go talk to a girl you are going to be single, rarely are there girls(let alone attractive ones) that go out of their way to talk to you, especially in high school and college. I have girls interested in me, but they are waiting for me to make a move, and to be honest I dont want to. If I were a more outgoing, friendly guy then I would have no problem doing this, but approaching women is for those types of guys, I am more the kind of guy that prefers to be approached. If you are a similar guy then perhaps you might be a little discouraged about the dating climate around you. To be honest, I am a little mad at the dating climate in the US right now. I go to parties on my college campus all the time, but women never talk to me first unless they are hammered at which point an intelligent conversation is out of the question. I could sit on a couch at a party all night and only get 2 drunk girls talk to me first. However I could get 3 or 4 girls that sit near me and try to get me to say something to them, this happens every time I go to a party, some will even make small talk with me(although this is more rare), which I usually entertain, but at the end they never ask for my number or take it further, expecting me to do it. I dont like being expected to do anything, what I like to do is be myself, and myself does not involve going out of my way to hit on girls that are perfectly capable of talking to me themselves. Of course I am not expecting introverted girls to be doing this, I am expecting all of the outgoing girls to do this, because they are capable of doing so, being a girl is not an excuse for refusing to initiate.

Being the introvert that I am I simply refuse to initiate with girls, fortunately I had all of my problems solved last semester when I studied abroad in Russia.

It was such a refreshing experience, going to bars, clubs, and parties, and actually having girls come talk to me. Sitting there in a club in St. Petersburg I actually had an epiphany as I watched a number of girls actually talk to me and a couple other guys in the room. I am not used to this kind of behavior, girls actually initiating with guys. And then it occured to me, just because the dating climate in the US sucks for introverts like me, doesn't mean that it isn't awesome elsewhere. In Russia for instance, women are more willing to "fight for what they want" then in America. In Russia if the girls see a guy they say "Wow that guy is really good looking, I gotta talk to him" and then they go talk to him, and try to get him to like her. In America a girl might be like "Wow that guy is hot, I'm gonna get him to talk to me" and then if he doesn't talk to her, she goes and tries to find another guy. It seems like in America for women dating is more of a "whichever guy will talk to me first" thing, rather then a "I want that particular guy". Girls often like a guy and try to get his attention, if she doesn't get it she goes on to another guy, and another, until one of them talks to her. For someone like me this is more of an inconvienience then anything, I could talk to women, but why should I? I witnessed what the Russian women did first hand and that was far more compatible with my personality then what the American women want me to do. I didn't have to do anything uncharacteristic of me(approach the woman), but I still got to meet great girls and go on a couple dates. This is when I realized that guys who are bothered by the dating climate in the US, and how it is extrovert, and female centered, dont need to change who they are to get a date, all they need to do is change the target market. If Western women refuse to date a great guy like you, dont be discouraged, they just dont know what they want(ironically Western women prefer personality over looks, but if your personality is introverted and you dont initiate things with women much, then they will never actually get to know your personality because they would likely never talk to you in the first place). You can always find opportunity in other cultures, some cultures are much better for introverts and you dont need to wonder whether you need to approach a woman, because unless you want to, women can come to you.

It isn't about being the first to talk to a girl, or the best guy to talk to a girl, in other countries as it is in America.

Some other countries its more about being a better guy, some girls you might find more shallow only liking your citizenship or your money, others will be outstanding girls who like you for who you are, but in other countries you have very high chances of getting women who like you. Beautiful girls who approach you, that isn't something that happens too much in America, but in other countries, it happens quite a lot. What kind of guy wouldn't want that kind of environment? Especially if your an introverted guy like me who doesn't want to ask women out. So for me, its off to Europe and Asia to meet the girl of my dreams, hopefully for you guys you will find similar luck. Best of wishes, dont be too discouraged by dating in America, its weird, and annoying how demanding women are, just stay true to yourself and even if you are introverted, women in other countries will grow to love you for who you are.

[udolipixie]

"I am pretty angry that girls dont approach me themselves, and just sit on the sidelines waiting for me to do something."
In my opinion this seems pretty hypocritical to me you're angry at gals for sitting on the sidelines waiting for you to do something when you're sitting on the sidelines waiting for hem to do something. All I saw was you making excuses why you can't approach and why certain gals should approach you no different than I see gals making excuses of why they can't approach and why guys should approach them. In my opinion for both genders if you want to be approached rather then do the approaching- cool- but don't start bsing and getting hypocritical.

" If Western women refuse to date a great guy like you, dont be discouraged, they just dont know what they want"
In my opinion dismissing someone's judgment and awareness because they don't want to date you is not a suited way to deal with rejection. I think it would be more suited to have the mindset that if western gals refuse to date a guy like you don't be discourage there are plenty of gals that will date a guy like you. Then again I'm not the one who goes for the belittle/insult/dismiss someone and build yourself trope of rejection such as 'if he rejects you then he's an idiot missing out'.

"ironically Western women prefer personality over looks, but if your personality is introverted and you dont initiate things with women much, then they will never actually get to know your personality because they would likely never talk to you in the first plac"
That's not ironic to me since if western gals want a guy to initiate and if a guy's personality is introverted it's likely not a personality she's going to want as a partner if it restricts him from approaching.

"You can always find opportunity in other cultures, some cultures are much better for introverts and you dont need to wonder whether you need to approach a woman, because unless you want to, women can come to you."
In my opinion this would be a more suited message to focus on rather than the seeming hypocrisy and seeming egoism of thinking a gal doesn't know what she wants if she rejects you.

[myTake Owner]

Interesting points you make there. Being the guy that I am I will respond, but I would just like to point out that while I am "sitting on the sidelines waiting for women" I am doing so on the basis of my personality, not my gender. They look at the situation and say "He is a man, he should approach me", I look at the situation and say "what does me being a man have anything to do with it? I am an introvert who doesn't do things like this to begin with, why should I do it just because I'm a man." If a woman is sitting near me trying to get me to talk to her, I am not going to initiate something just because she is a woman, thats not what I do, I dont initiate conversations with guys at the bar, why do it for a woman?

The other issue is women dont approach... which is part of why I am angry, your statement "if you want to be approached... cool" is great in theory, but 94% of men according to a recent poll want to be approached, how many get approached though? Less than a fourth.

[myTake Owner]

And I'm sorry I would address each and every one of your points but I am reminded of the 1000 character limit every time I open this box, so my responses can't be that in depth. Anyway, as for women not knowing what they want, I think that its pretty clear where women put their priorities. A few women commented on here about not liking men who dont ask them out, okay, so? They are saying that even if a guy is rich, smart, handsome, nice, caring, respectful, loyal, etc, but he doesn't ask her out he isn't good enough. That really says something, what if that guy is quiet? The girl will never know he is nice, caring, respectfully, loyal, etc, because she never approached him. I can see why there is a lot of talk on this site about girls dating guys who are idiots, who treat them badly. I think part of that problem stems from this approaching thing. Even if the guy is a jerk, who treats her like garbage, if he approaches her he has more chance then the before mentioned guy.

[udolipixie]

In my opinion you sitting on the sidelines on the basis of your personality is not more credible or valid that gals sitting on the sidelines on the basis of their gender. Both are looking at the situation and saying "The other person is X they should approach me".

" but 94% of men according to a recent poll want to be approached, how many get approached though? "
In my observations people generally don't always get what they want. My statement "if you want to be approached... cool" was showcasing that hey want whatever you want just don't get pissy when you don't get it and don't pull bs to excuse your own hypocrisy of wanting to be approached while not wanting to approach.

[udolipixie]

"Anyway, as for women not knowing what they want, I think that its pretty clear where women put their priorities. A few women commented on here about not liking men who dont ask them out, okay, so? "
It's pretty clear to you that gals don't know what they want not because they prioritize certain traits over another. In my opinion support that gals don't know what they want would be an inability to list what they want.

"They are saying that even if a guy is rich, smart, handsome, nice, caring, respectful, loyal, etc, but he doesn't ask her out he isn't good enough."
If anything this show that gals do know what they want as they have a list of certain and they prioritize and hold certain things more important than others. They know what they want- they want such a guy who also approaches her.

Using your seeming logic it would seem that men don't really want personality in a gal since guys seemingly generally approach by attraction and afterwards personality is considered.

[udolipixie]

"That really says something, what if that guy is quiet? The girl will never know he is nice, caring, respectfully, loyal, etc, because she never approached him."
Then he most likely isn't the guy for her as she doesn't want a quiet guy. She wants a nice, caring, respectful, loyal non quiet guy. No different than guys will know that ugly gal they passed up is nice, caring, loving, etc because they weren't attracted to her. In my opinion it's not a loss to either gender as the person they never got to know doesn't have all that they wanted. The ugly gal doesn't have enough looks to attract the guy. Her being this and that doesn't compensate for it. The quiet guy doesn't have a certain trait in his personality that appeals and defines the dynamic the gal wants. Him being this and that doesn't compensate for it.

[udolipixie]

"I can see why there is a lot of talk on this site about girls dating guys who are idiots, who treat them badly. I think part of that problem stems from this approaching thing."
In my opinion thinking that approaching is part of the problem is based on the assumption that most of the guys who approach gals are idiots who treat gals badly. I'm not one for the I am better than you mindset ie guys who approach are idiots and guys who want to be approached are the nice guys gals are too 'stupid/don't know what they want/shallow' to go for. To me there are likely just as many idiots who will treat a gal badly that don't approach her.

In my opinion the problem of gals dating idiots that mistreat them has to do with gals having low self-esteem, gals excusing the behavior ala 'boys will be boys', gals minimizing the behavior ala 'she's a gal she's overreacting/pmsing/oversensitive', and gals thinking they can change the guy.

[myTake Owner]

Wow... well good for you for responding with that much detail, I really commend you for that. Just a couple observations though your first statement (paraphrased) "In my opinion... both are sitting on the sidelines waiting for the other to approach" is precisely what I am trying to prevent. In the current situation its expected of guys to approach while the girl "sits on the sidelines" as you put it. But what if the guy doesn't want to approach? What if he feels more comfortable being approached? He isn't going to approach, and in the current situation the woman isn't going to approach, so what are they to do? In the ideal model you would have the introverts and shy people being approached by the extroverts and friendly people, that way how a person acts socially determines their role, rather than there gender.

[myTake Owner]

As for what you say about "women knowing what they want... an extroverted guy" your right I phrased my point wrong, instead of being "women dont know what they want" it should be "women know what they want, but what they want and what you want are conflicting". They want an extroverted guy, if I am introverted I either have to change to be that way, or be single... or I could go date a girl from a culture where the people have a more favorable view of introverted guys. Whether you admit it or not there are A LOT of discrepancies in initiating, as a man we are expected to do this, you have no experience being an introverted guy so you can't really relate, but being expected to do something uncharacteristic of your personality is pretty difficult. Its easy for you to defend the point of view that men should ask women out, because you benefit from it, but I invite you to look at the other side and how frustrating it can be for introverted guys.

[udolipixie]

"" is precisely what I am trying to prevent."
In my opinion if you were truly trying to prevent it then you wouldn't make excuses to sit on the sidelines. It seems more like you're trying to bs like some gals do and use your introvertness like they do with their gender. To me it is the same bs with a different wrapping.

"women know what they want, but what they want and what you want are conflicting".
I find the most suited response is to pursue the gals who you are compatible with rather than create hypocritical excuses and 'insult' the gals that do not want you.

". Its easy for you to defend the point of view that men should ask women out"
Show me where I stated men should ask women out. Oh that's right you can't because I did not. Nowhere did I say such. I don't do should or shouldn't unless it pertains to harming children or animals.

My statements were about your hypocrisy in sitting on the sidelines yet upset at gals for doing the same.

[myTake Owner]

Haha okay well I can see you are very set in your ways, as am I. Thats fine, I am not changing my view either, I truly believe that women need to ask men out more, and stop basing it off of gender stereotypes that are no longer valid. As far as hypocrite goes, you can call me one if you want I suppose, I am simply trying to make a point, how do you address this issue without sounding hypocritical? There is a clear discrepancy in women asking men out, which I am trying to raise awareness about. Whether you think I am a hypocrite or not isn't really of concern to me, 90% of the people in government positions right now are hypocrites, and I guarantee if I start asking every girl that expresses interest in me out on a date, I will still not be asked out by women. My situation won't actually change at all, the only thing that will happen is ill be doing something that really isn't very characteristic of me, so I thank you for your input it made me think a bit, which is good. Have a nice day

[udolipixie]

" I truly believe that women need to ask men out more, and stop basing it off of gender stereotypes that are no longer valid. "
I am aware that you want to trade one excuse to sit on the sidelines for another. That instead of using gender you want to use ibtrovertness. It is still the same end sitting on the sidelines using an excuse only this time the excuse sways in your favor.

" I am simply trying to make a point, how do you address this issue without sounding hypocritical? "
In my opinion by engaging in the same action you want others to instead of using an excuse, introvert, like gals use gender as an excuse.

Laters.

[the_rake]

I used to be like this (similar dating climate in UK as US by the way) but I changed my philosophy/ideology to the point that I actually want to be dominant and approach women. But I still see women as hypocrites for demanding equality but not accepting responsibility in this part of their lives. And even as a man that approaches, unless you're really fucking good at it, you will still be made to feel uncomfortable for making the first move (something both genders should be doing). But women are mostly in denial about this and will obfuscate/rationalise this simple truth. they don't really want equality in the sense of responsibility, just in the sense of privileges.

[myTake Owner]

I agree completely, women are quite hypocritical when it comes to dating. I haven't spent a lot of time in the UK but I've been around Western Europe enough to note the similarities, and so I can relate to you. The difference is, I dont want to change myself to be more successful with women. I respect you for your decision to become more dominant, but to me I shouldn't have to change. Unfortunately in the current dating climate, as you said, you need to change. You are either pressured into doing so, or you can be more successful in doing so, but the ultimate fact is, if you are introverted you need to change, its sad but true. Thats why I am currently "boycotting" American women... that term makes it sound bad, but honestly as I said I dont want to have to change myself, and I dont want to deal with hypocrisy. If a nice American woman comes along and works well with my personality then great, awesome, but thats unlikely, its more likely for me to find a girl like that overseas.

[the_rake]

Yep there was that necessity for me to change and now I simply have lost much respect for women. Even if a woman was to make the first move now, while I appreciate her efforts western society has put pressure on me all these years to be the man and that is what I now want since I no longer view women as equals. However I respect your desire to stay true to your introverted tendencies. Besides traveling, there is also online dating, and sometimes women will approach you IRL if you happen to belong to a lot of female friendly clubs. Good luck

[FamousAF]

It comes down to evolution. Google "sexual selection". Women don't approach because they don't have to. They don't have to because it makes no sense as an mating strategy for them. Basically, if you don't approach a woman, other men will. So you're the sucker.

Look at other species: The males approach there too. They literally fight to the death for females.

[an0nisme]

I'm inclined to agree, you can't try to sell ice to the Eskimos but I'm sure you'll have plenty of people lining up if you sell it in sub Saharan Africa.

Its about supply and demand. Western women complain even though they have men approaching them all the time. Some even start developing a shopping list and say they want a man that is good looking, intelligent, charming, loyal, loving, etc. (even if they don't offer close to half that list). But yet such a man is STILL expected to approach them. Interesting isn't it? That something of high worth should still find them and make an effort to prove himself to them. Men are taught the opposite, that they need to go out and get what they want/what they think is worth something. Time to smarten up lads.

This is the thing. Men in the west are now generally focused on casual sex for that reason. More are figuring out its a raw deal. They work on charm, game, they work out, well groomed etc. But they know that the women they are dealing with. They know what they offer is in demand by many women (and many attractive women at that) so why settle for less? or in a mans eyes why settle for a lack of variety?

these women are entitled they aren't really worth much anyway and so men will tolerate them and charm them until they have acquired what they were after. Women will then complain saying "men are pigs and are only after one thing" . However the men they want are actually the ones who find their attitudes repulsive, entitled and generally judgmental and selfish. They've been fed lies about this "prince charming" thinking he'd accept them and love them as they are while he spent ages working on his charm, intellect and muscles...

Truth is OP isn't afraid to approach he just feels its too unbalanced so doesn't want to since he finds it degrading and honestly I'm inclined to agree. Its best to leave those women to the lad types that know what they are good for. The best women you'll find in church no joke.

Time to start looking elsewhere, around the world we go!

[Azara]

What is your opinion on Women approaching and men being rude bc she's 'doing their job'?

or a guy who otherwise was interested,. rejecting her bc she did but wait for him to do his job?

or women being told she'll scare guy off by approaching?

or that its unnatural or unladylike or shows low confidence (funny it ostensibly shows confidence when a guy does , it but somehow opposite if you take away the penis)

or people telling women its desperate or needy for then to approach?

that guys will think she's easy or clingy if she approaches?

I agree with you i think women should approach. i mean i think everyone should. i don't think it should be anyones job. it limits both genders in different ways, but as uncomfortable and stressful as it can be to have to approach, I think its really unhealthy in my opinion to have the role of doing 'nothing'. At least with approaching you grow and learn. Waiting doesn't teach you anything except how to be incompetent and timid.

I approach my friends approach, i really don't see this kind of solid of expectations based on gender, in my outside life, as i do on here. I believe your experience i just find it so absurd that its common, if it is.

im genuinely interested in your opinion of the scenarios i mentioned, i wasn't being rhetorical :)

[the_rake]

I'm not the mytake owner but similar scenarios as what you have described hold true for men - women are often catty and bitchy to men for approaching if they are not interested in them (sometimes approaching women is also likened to 'catcalling' - where complimenting a woman on her appearance is considered disrespectful). So on the whole, the fact that low and behold, approaching the opposite gender is hard regardless of your own, some men being idiots is not really an excuse for women not to approach. However in spite of this, women would definitely have it easier - most men would make an effort to be polite just because it is such a rare thing that a woman takes the initiative to ask the man out. Even if she is not that attractive to them or you are like me (prefer to be the initiator), I think most men could respect a woman that does this.

[Azara]

im not referring to it being 'hard' it can be hard for anyone. I'm not talking about the guy not being interested. I'm talking about him being interested yup to the point she is assertive, then punishing her for it.

rejection sucks but its also helpful bc it gives you courage to know you did it and got through it and can do it again. being rejected for your courage is not 'helpful' .

saying guys get called creeps for approaching women who don't like them, is like saying women get called creep[s for approaching men who don't like them. hurt is NOT like saying women get called creeps bc for approaching men who like them, BECAUSE they approached them.

and i really wanted to know what people think of this. raising how rejection sucks for everyone its true, i agree and people can be complete assholes about it. I think its disgusting-- whether you like someone or not you should respect their efforts--but it is not the point of what i am asking.

[Aud_Queen]

Interesting take. I think foreign women (granted not all) are at ease asking guys out because it's not a big deal like we make it in the U. S. These girls grew up seeing women in their lives doing so. There isn't a huge divide on male/female roles when it comes to dating. And it's even encouraged in some parts of the world.

I think of more and more American women did this, this wouldn't be a problem. I wish it was more common for people just said what they really wanted to too instead of conforming.

Yes, you've read it right, and no, it's not something to be ashamed of!
The pictures you have picked suggest that your subconscious mind is very occupied with sex. You are a naturally sexual and loving person, you simply love to LOVE, and one of the biggest acts that you do with someone you love is sex.
Although your subconscious if obsessed with sex, you have a healthy way of life. You do not get too carried away (Although sometimes you wish you would), and you look for emotional attraction before you think about the physical one.

That being said, I have three questions;

1. Did women ask you out (not simply talked to you) when you were abroad?

2. And when women approach you do you expect them to ask you for your number? Do expect her to ask you out somewhere too?

[Kirah]

Very nice take, well said.

Fact of the matter is, a vast majority of women outright refuse to approach men. If a man doesn't approach, he doesn't get a date. This is true for many Western countries, especially the US. Thankfully this stereotype (with the entitlement that comes along with it) is slowly dying out.

[orphan]

@kirah natural selection at its finest. itll never go away.

[DBAOracle]

"a vast majority of women outright refuse to approach men." That's a very true statement. But I wish I could understand why. Most of the time, I hear fear of rejection. Men feel rejection, too! We're not immune to it. If you like someone regardless of your gender, the one losing is you for not approaching. We're living the post-change period in which people are confused. A while ago, I had a similar situation with a girl. She made it %110 clear that she's into me and did wonders but never dropped the line of just asking me out. We were both into each others, I was shy, she was shy, we both lost...

[Kirah]

@DBAOracle in my experience, women usually refuse to approach, simply because they often don't have to. They already get approached a lot. And often, they're taught not to.

[RomansToPhilemon]

I'm very introverted and do admit I like it much more when a girl puts in more effort than she should need to, but I'm not as lazy as you when it comes to not doing anything either. Many girls show interest with me and it's always subtle. Sometimes too subtle and I don't get the hint. Which sucks for both of us because nothing usually happens then.

I went extrovert for around 3 or 4 months back in my early 20's and I'll admit I had an crazy amount of women in those 3 months. I also coupled that with not playing as hard to get as I usually do and there was just a flood of women. I did it for a few reasons and most of my assumptions ended up being correct.

But regardless, I didn't like being like that and I felt fake and not genuine. It was also exhausting on my brain and energy. I just do not like having that kind of personality.

[mrsingle]

I suffer from social anxiety and when I try to talk to girls I come across nervous, awkward, and weird. I usually don't have luck but to be honest, I'm never out at parties because I have no friends and I'm always alone. The girls I try to talk to are at stores I go to. The big issue for me is not being at parties, no friends, always alone. I wish there was some way to be the attractive loner so girls came up to me.

[myTake Owner]

Trust me bud, I am decent looking (if my friends are to be believed), and if not one of my good friends is definitely really good looking, and neither of us have ever been approached. So I think even if you are the "attractive loner" your chances of getting approached are slim. Sorry to say, because I completely feel for you, it sucks doesn't it? Quiet insecure guys have it pretty bad socially, quiet insecure girls always have the possibility to get asked out, but quiet insecure guys can kiss those chances good bye. As I said, perhaps you would succeed in another environment? With a different culture, or a different kind of girl, because the American/Western environment sucks pretty bad to be honest.

[justbanANNAz]

while i totally get the message ur sending out here, I'm not sure if even half of the male population would agree. Thing is, this has been going on for so long now. It's a tradition people are trying to get away from and it isn't happening any time soon. Sure, you don't have to approach women, and i like the determination to hold your own. it's great. Then what? what if they never approach you? Is your last resort to simply 'hope' that one day a woman will approach you?

While i admire the strength of will, i think downright REFUSING to approach women is just taking it a little too far. Men who think this way are simply narcissistic. sorry.

[CHRIS11796]

Ya they're like that because guy's don't want to be called creepy i don't care if a women rejects me it's fine you have every right but simply calling me a creep the minute i approach it sucks and it does hurt I'm serious it messes with self-esteem that's why a lot of guy's don't approach i wish i had some kind of telepathy it would be so much easier to see what the women is thinking.

[Araya]

A lot of us don't approach guys for similar reasons that you don't or because we don't have to. It also can come off as supremely unattractive if the guy who is interested does NOT approach due to it coming off as "weak". Different cultures will have different attitudes (apparently in Italy, if you want to get married, the two people talk about first instead of surprising like in America);

It's also not about us "not knowing what we want". Plenty of us do... and one criteria is mostly a man who isn't afraid/too timid to approach us to get what he wants.

I will say that I agree that the more introverts who look elsewhere besides America will make it easier for American women to find the guys who aren't afraid to approach.

[lacorine197]

but this is about girls from other countries approaching guys, not guys approaching women

[Araya]

It's about a guy who doesn't approach women because he doesn't want to... and states that men who feel the same way should go visit different societies to allow women to approach him.

[Kahoa]

The typical life lesson is: "you reap what you sow." Though, if you do nothing, you might still get lucky and some seed might blow in from the next farm over lol.

If you see something you want, you work for it. If your shy, but crave interaction, then you should work on your social skills. It's not rocket science. Plus, an advantage of being proactive is that you actually get to ask out who you want to instead of waiting in the corner hoping to get noticed. A girl may ask you out... one day. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even a year from now... or YOU could ask one out right this second! Haha

Instead of blaming society, you should first look inwards and ask yourself: "Am I really doing everything that I can to be happy?" And if your answer is "No, because it is someone else's fault" then I will smack you and say "Hey! That's not the question I told you to ask!" :)

[an0nisme]

See everything you just said doesn't apply to females... but it should. I thought that was the entire point of his post...

[AzzaBlue]

I know that I am late here and am unsure that you'll even read this, but I want offer my thoughts on this matter. Over the last few years I've observed and participated in many conversations regarding topics such as this one. And I've come to the conclusion that the vast majority of women are overgrown children who refuse to grow up and be accountable. Women these days are quite frankly very underwhelming as they are extremely lazy and apathetic when it comes to dating. They absolutely refuse to lift their game and put in some real effort so they resort to pathetic childish excuses like, I'm "old Fashion" or "it's tradition" that the man does the approaching. It is obvious is that many woman are just spoiled overgrown children who are just lazy, entitled cowards. Period. Full stop. Mic drop.

[frozenhorizon]

That sounds incredibly lazy. Girls coming to sit on the couch next to you at a party and start small talking you ISN'T enough of an approach for you? You want them to literally do everything from start to finish? I think that's incredibly silly.

Also what's wrong with them being drunk when they talk to you? They were probably too shy before they drank, but once they drank they became less shy because that's what it does to people. It's not like they turn into entirely different people or something. It sounds like several girls come up to you and talk to you and you just don't like the conditions under which it happens, but those conditions are not that unusual.

In my experience women don't come up to me any more than you state, but neither does anyone else. I always have to make SOME effort to get to know other people, whether it's just making friends or trying to flirt with / date someone.

[Shadow44]

I'd also like to add that just because they're drunk when they talk to you doesn't mean that you doesn't mean you have to do anything with them in that moment. Just talk, get their number, and call them later for a date. Then get to know each other not drunk

[SomeOtherGuy]

In this take, tons of women telling you that it's your job to approach them.

Not that I don't do this or recommend guys do this. But damn, women. Show some initiative and go for what you want for once in your lives.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

this is kinda misleading. foreign people in general like things different. i mean you studied in russia. of course they don't see an American come there every day. hell, when i was in italy, i got pussy thrown at me all the time. when i worked in miami, i worked with a lot of french and italian and russian guys and girls. i was the shit. like, every picture on facebook at at least 10 girls in it. i mean girls aren't repulsed by me or anything here in america, but girls don't throw themselves at me either. conversely, when foreign girls and guys come to america, they get tons of guys and girls.

[Musicnote20]

That's not what being an introvert is though. An introvert means you recharge when you are alone. Extroverts recharge their energy when they are with people. Introverts are always in their head and overthinking. ( im an introvert) But there are outgoing introverts. I think if you see a girl, you never know if she is to shy to approach you. So take the chance because it would seem silly to miss out on a great girl because you wanted her to talk to you first.

[myTake Owner]

Well in the context I mean it, introvert means someone who is quiet, less prone to talking, not as friendly, shy, or any combination of those traits, I didn't realize there was a specific meaning of the word. And anyway I respect your statement and the points that you make, but I also would like to point out that by your logic all women should go around with the mentality that "if you see a guy, you never know if he is too shy to approach you. So take the chance because it would seem silly to miss out on a great guy because you wanted him to talk to you first"... unfortunately almost no women follow this mentality, so why should us guys? A lot of guys still do follow this mentality, but when you spend your whole life following this mentality, and your whole life asking women out, and this is never once reciprocated, then that becomes not only discouraging, but also a tad bit annoying.

[Musicnote20]

ok np, society tells us girls that we shoudn't approach because its unattractive to guys and we are told that if a guy was interested he would come over and talk to us and nothing would get in his way :o I've gone over to guys before but not many times in my life based on that.

[myTake Owner]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1366414-do-guys-like-it-when-girls-ask-them-out

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1501455-do-you-like-girls-to-ask-you-out-also

Also I think that I will be done after this comment so you can have the closing words if you would like, not that this is boring but I dont want to keep you all day, but I would just like to ask what society are you talking about? That first poll has over 250 guys (94% of respondents) who say they are completely cool with girls asking them out. You can run a poll for yourself if you want, the results will be the same. Furthermore you can't come to expect (as I have learned as a guy) that the opposite gender will come talk to you if they like you. Why must it always be one sided? Why must the initiating be done based on gender? Why not be done based on the person's social skills? That is what I am trying to get at, we are letting gender define how we should act, rather then who we are, and I am not okay with that.

[Musicnote20]

Ok I'll check out the poll. That's surpriseing. I thought men loved the thrill of the hunt"'. They say its biologically ingrained. Society, I don't remember when I first heard it. Ok np. well end this debate' here :)

[Musicnote20]

follow me on here if u want , that was nice "my take".

[Anonymous]

I am the "good guy", I treat women with respect and don't be mean to them so basically every girl that has approached me has friendzoned me while they chase after guys who treat them like shit then come to me for comfort, I could give so much to any girl that accepts my good heart. That's why I don't approach girls anymore.

[Applefan1]

I know how you feel. I have been treated the same way by girls. I have since decided if a girl is going to date a jerk she will have to deal with a broken heart herself because it is not fair for a girl to expect me to be her shoulder to cry on until she feels better and then go back to another jerk.

[serious]

I can understand what you are saying, even the trend is changing slowly and women do approach men but still the percentage is less compared to women who wait for men to approach them. There is nothing wrong in the way you think but then be prepared for the consequences of your thinking, that is it might take a long time for some woman to approach you, it can take years also. Hence if you want to wait, you can wait to be approached.

[sketchy]

I'll agree that being the exotic foreigner with an accent (and occasionally, a passport) definitely has advantages when it comes to dating. I'm sure it works both ways too - Russian guys in the US will do just fine with those American girls you're so rude about (we Brits *definitely* do).

The rest is a load of crap.

[FamousAF]

The reason women talk to you in Russia is that your mate value is higher there.

You are "exotic" (= fresh genes), and if they struggle financially, they may see you as their ticket out of there.

As a rule, don't expect or demand that women approach you. For evolutionary reasons, women don't do this much. Why do you think males in other species compete for the females? Read up on sexual selection.

[Anonymous]

Great Mytake,
I am a good looking guy who happens to live in the middle east, i never approach girls without a purpose that usually push these girls to make a move on me, it's not that i am shy but i don't find it necessary to actually do that if i wasn't planning to date her, since i am introvert i hate drama.. but i noticed that girls who made a move on me aren't actually the girls whom i find them as girlfriend material, i found the shy type of introvert girls are more likely to fell in love with, since we share the same way of reacting to certain things and here is the big deal.. the signs these girls give are too hard to read.. Add to this you have to act a little bit outgoing to break the ice.

[Anonymous]

Although there is nothing wrong with females making the first move, the vast majority of women will not approach men they are interested in simply because that's the man's job. It's just a common rule worldwide. The vast majority of women will assume that you are not interested if you don't approach them. My take on this is that if a guy doesn't have the balls to approach me, he is probably too insecure and not worth my time.

[myTake Owner]

And this is part of the reason why I recommended for introverted men to change the type of girls they go after. As I said, I dont see not asking women out as a weakness, it has nothing to do with "whether he's got balls", trust me 99% of men "have balls", but not 99% of men are outgoing or socially competent. For introverted men the dating culture in the US and West sucks because it revolves around this mentality. "That man can't ask me out, he has no balls and is therefore not good enough for me" is quite a common thought as you displayed, your basing all of your opinion of this guy on whether he can "ask you out", why are you not basing it on more important things like his job, looks, intelligence, responsibility, respectfulness, localness, etc. If the guy doesn't ask you out then he "isn't good enough", which is a pretty bad way to judge guys if you ask me, thats probably why so many women struggle with dating guys who are tools on this site.

[myTake Owner]

In other cultures women place more emphasis on more tangible things, rather than simply "asking a girl out"(which in many cases, such as my own, is simply because the guy isn't like that. I am not characteristically friendly, funny, or outgoing, so I dont like initiating conversations with women, I am capable of doing so just like every other guy is, but why should we? There are plenty of great women that will ask you out or at least initiate conversations, and if getting asked out is your thing as a guy, then you just need to find those women (and most of them are internationals interestingly enough).

[Opinion Owner]

I'm just giving you an honest opinion from a female's perspective. I personally believe that if a guy wasn't brave enough to approach me, then he most likely will not be brave enough to stand up for me or defend me in any given circumstance due to his shyness or introverted personality as you call it. It also indicates to me that he would not put much effort into other factors needed to maintain our relationship alive. I'm just being honest rather than sugarcoating it for you and saying "Don't worry if you're too scared to approach us. We'll approach you. We understand that you're shy." It doesn't work that way with the vast majority of females in any given geographic location.

[Opinion Owner]

I know that it's not what you want to hear, but it's the reality. The vast majority of women will not approach you, or think highly of you unless you make the first move. Again, not every woman, but the vast majority of women will not.

[WeeGeeTheSecond]

lol, worldwide

[myTake Owner]

No I thank you for your comments, I'm a rational guy, I like to discuss certain topics so I welcome your opinion. And yes I already was well aware of this prevailing opinion when I published the take, so you aren't sugarcoating anything, I was well aware most women think this way, which is another reason I published the take. I thank you for being honest though, some girls will comment and say "We do ask guys out" which clearly does not happen given that of my friend group of 10 guys, 1 has gotten asked out. 10%, thats pretty sucky odds, and clearly that isn't enough to say "Women do ask men out", because 10% is a measly number. But as you said this is the female thought process in the West. Trust me in other countries personality has nothing to do with "protectiveness". And the vast majority of women will not approach, In the West*. As I said, in other countries I've gotten approached many times, its more common, and more viable for guys which is why I recommend they go there.

[Kirah]

Just repeating "it's the man's job" doesn't excuse anything. Why not break this rule?

"My take on this is that if a guy doesn't have the balls to approach me, he is probably too insecure and not worth my time."

So either YOU'RE insecure and not worth any guy's time, as well? Your words, not mine.

Unless you're sexist and your own rules magically don't apply to women, of course. You're just lashing out because you're too cowardly to make the first move, so you hide behind 1950's stereotypes. If you're so adamant about traditional gender roles, then why are you posting here? Women must not talk back to men, after all.

Or do you only want the privileges of equality, but none of the norms?

[ceative__very]

and the guys like me assume she is not interested if she doesn't do any intense signalling from fear of being labelled creep

[Opinion Owner]

@Kirah Like I said in my initial response, there is absolutely nothing wrong with females approaching guys. I just believe that if a guy is always waiting for a female to make the first move, he is too insecure because he should know that most females
do not approach guys. I'm sure that plenty of females feel the same way. If a guy is waiting for a female to make the first move, it's not going to happen 90% of the time because the vast majority of women, not just me, follow this traditional gender role. All of a sudden I'm sexist and insecure myself for holding higher standards and for following a commonly followed gender role? Good grief.
"You're lashing out because you're too cowardly to make the first move." Like I said, I'm not obligated to make the first move and neither are the females who follow this traditional gender role lol (the vast majority of women do). Most females don't think the same way you do. It's just the reality baby. And I'm just being honest.