MJ's Guide to CRUSHIN' for BROS!

[mjlaufgr]

Okay, so there's this girl that makes your heart go nuts every time you see her walk down the hall, or sit down three aisles away from you, or says something sexy like "Please pass the ketchup". You're crushin' BAD. Now what do you do?

No worries bruh, MJ's got your back.

STEP 1. MAKE A LIST OF THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF THAT MAKE YOU AWESOME

"WUT" you ask? How does that help me get my crush to like me?

It's so simple: Nobody else is gonna think you're awesome until YOU think it. The world is full of people who think they're helpless little betas with no game and no hope. Self-fulfilling prophecy, right? Take a minute, sit down, and think about what makes you special. What's that, you say? I'm all unfulfilled potential? That brings us to-

STEP 2. FIGURE OUT WHERE YOU CAN GROW AND MAKE IT HAPPEN

Have you got potential at sports? Work toward getting on the team. Drawing? Sketch every day. Find out where you can be strong and focus on it. This accomplishes two things:

A. Ladies, like everybody, love talented people. Nothing impresses like, you know, being impressive.

B. Real world accomplishments help you believe in yourself. Believing in yourself shows the world you're someone worth believing in.

Accomplishing stuff is hard! But not accomplishing stuff is even harder, cos it means you drift endlessly through life like a leaf on the wind, writing dumb poetry in your spiral notebook and remaining COMPLETELY UNNOTICED by your crush.

STEP 3. THEY'RE JUST A PERSON, SO TALK TO THEM

What's that, you say? You got this big plan where one day you're gonna come up to them and let your feelings pour out?

THAT IDEA IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD.

Listen, you know what she did this morning? She pooped. If not this morning, last night. Know why she did that? Because she's a NORMAL PERSON, LIKE YOU. She's got hopes and dreams. She hates homework. She talks and texts and cries and laughs like anybody. If you see her as some unapproachable goddess you gotta work up the courage to talk to, you have ALREADY LOST.

So just TALK TO HER. About normal stuff. Try to find natural, normal stuff to talk about with her- every day!

If it's meant to be, the talking should get easier fast, because you'll both fall into a fun, comfortable rhythm of conversation. Your crush should be someone you love talking to, and who has fun talking with you right back! If that doesn't happen, hey, maybe you should rethink this?

So, to recap:

You're awesome.

Get awesomer.

She's a human being, talk to her.

Congrats, you're on the road to success, son. Cos you know what? Even if it don't work out, every single thing I told you above will lead to your life getting better. It's a win-win!

[Scrambledagain]

This is one of my favourite takes. Short, simple, direct and helpful. Nice one.

[Maxemeister]

AWW MAN THANKS MJ!