Disclaimer: These are my views on rejection as a woman when it comes to dating, so there will be generalizations but that does not mean it is the rule of thumb. I also used guys/girls because I realize that not every relationship is heterosexual.
When it comes to dating, rejection is bad enough for both men and women, but I would like to point out some double standards when it comes to dating for men and women.
Women:
Appearance: When a woman rejects a guy/girl the first thing people assume that it is because of only the guy's appearance and then she is immediately labled a shallow bitch by some men. "How dare a woman have free will in dating" which brings me to my next double standard in dating
Labels: When a woman rejects a guy/girl not only can she be labeled as shallow but some guys/girls will even go as far as calling her a slut and badmouthing her and guys/girls who can not take rejection well even get agressive. Gold digger, maneater, whore, slut, bitch, etc.
The bad boy nice guy complex: Some guys have this assumption that if a girl rejects them then she is only dating assholes, it would take a book for me to explain what is wrong with this assumption.
Girls can not get rejected: This one annoys me everytime when some guys say that girls can not get rejected because of sex, if you place sex so highly on your priority list then thats a personal problem, but its not right to project your issues with not getting laid onto other women.
Men:
Friendzone: When a guy gets rejected people assume that the girl/guy friendzoned him when in reality the guy could of already been content in a relationship before asking the next girl out.
Too nice: The guy was too nice and girls do not like nice guys. A guy can get rejected because maybe he fucked up in the previous relationship with the same girl or she/he found him unattractive
Weak game: "Be an asshole, assholes get the girls" guy say, but of course not every girl/guy likes assholes. Some girls/guys like guys who are just being themselves
Sex: Not every guy is out looking for sex, so when a guy rejects a girl some people assume that he is gay, but in reality some men think with their brain head and actually get to know the girl before sticking their dick in anything that walks.
Let's Talk About The Double Standards In Getting Rejected For Each Gender
This is a pretty good Take. I notice that when a woman is a rejected by a guy, she tries to come up with all kinds of reasons for why she thinks he wasn't interested other than the simple fact that he just wasn't interested. Women are taught that guys will always go after them, so their egos are built on that, and when a guy turns her down - whether it's for sex or a relationship - I think that bothers women more than vice versa, so they try to come up with mental scenarios to make themselves feel better about it.
@ikissedtheskyonce That doesn't have anything to do with what I said. Being approached and being rejected are two different things. It sounds like you really just want to brag about guys who've beein into you, if even that's true. Females also try to make it like soooo many guys are approaching them or showing interest more than they really are.
I once rejected a guy multiple times. When I finally asked him why he kept being so persistent, why he wouldn't just take no for an answer, he told me that he just can't take rejection. The way I see it is, it's not my problem. Everybody gets rejected. Somehow, in his mind, it was like I had to say yes to him to appease his issue with rejection. Maybe it's an entitlement thing? Don't know...
I agree with everything you said however saying that girls don't like nice guy's is a generalization and nice ghys who aren't confident get rejected i honestly feel a little hurt when i get rejectef but i pick my head up and move on life is too short to be bitter and live in a world of self hatred.
Didn't you talk about women rejecting men and men getting rejected by women? That doesn't exactly sound like the other side of that coin - but ok.
Appearance: It's the first thing everyone notices, unless they find the person being reject attractive then of course they're going to think it's looks because they need to think something and have little else to go on. I don't see how it's some horrible negative attitude directed at women about how they are shallow and "How dare a woman have free will in dating" is a huge leap; for you to be discussing double standards in society you would first need to find people that say that who actually exist.
Labels: Not gender exclusive. You don't get to claim a monopoly on being called names.
The bad boy nice guy complex: In other words, she's looking for something else. Something I don't want to be or can't be. It's a self-esteem thing. Girls do it too, it's in the same vein as deciding he's gay or only into "sluts" or whatever they want to come up with to make themselves feel better.
Girls can not get rejected: There's a sliver of truth to the statement although obviously it's hyperbole. Can't a guy just as easily say it's not right to project your (relative) ease with getting laid onto other men and have it apply just as aptly?
Friendzone: Wtf at your example. When a guy (or anyone) gets rejected people assume it was because of apples but *could* have been because of oranges. Profound. Also, that doesn't mean apples don't exist.
Too nice: Same thing as Friendzone. It doesn't mean oranges don't exist.
Weak game: Although game isn't everything, if we define game as behaviors and personality traits in men that are generally attractive to women then, yeah he has weak game. If being themselves isn't attractive then they can try to change and grow or they can accept their predicament.
Sex: Same vein as the bad boy thing & labels. Being the only example of a guy rejecting a girl kinda reinforces the girls can not get rejected notion by the way.
Overall, you've got no measure of prevalence for each point. Just because you have an equal number of subheadings under Men and Women doesn't mean men and women's problem's are equal in number or severity, or coming from the same parts of society. Linking back to my first line, isn't the whole understanding that we seem mostly limited to talking about women rejecting and men being rejected a problem that's a backdrop to all of this that we're just neglecting?
It's not that women don't get rejected. But, there are differences in the frequencies and degrees of rejection.
Firstly, for example, there are many men whom no women want. In fact, by default, most men are like that: they have to work on themselves to be acceptable for any women whatsoever. There are very women that no men want, even if we count the women who make no effort to improve themselves (and these women, utterly disconnected from reality, are increasing in number).
Secondly, in terms of 'population size' (if we can put it that way!), the 'sex-zone' is the women's equivalent of the largely-man-populated 'friend-zone'. Women hate being sex-zoned (and that's understandable), but those women should imagine how they would feel if no men wanted even to have casual sex with them!
I really do think that a woman of average emotional fortitude could not deal with what most men have to go through in order to be acceptable to women.
Having sex-zoned and indeed (unlike most men) having friend-zoned a lot of girls, I can tell you that, whether the rejector or the rejectee, the man is generally viewed as the villain. If he is the rejectee, he wasn't good enough. If he is upset at all about it, he is a 'whiner', 'entitled', a 'fake nice guy', whatever. If he is the rejector, he is a 'player', 'immature', 'scared of commitment', a 'womanizer', 'expects perfection', a 'sexist', a 'fuckboy', etc. In fact, we've come to the point where there is a social movement based on the view that men should not have any sexual preferences regarding women, whether in terms of body or personality, the most prominent strand of this movement being the 'fat acceptance' movement.
I'd love it if no guy wanted to have casual sex with me. Face it--sex just doesn't mean the same thing to most women as it does to most men. Women want someone who wants to be with them for more than just sex, even the women who initially agree to f*ck buddies and FWBs.
@SmartButBroke I said, if no guy wanted even casual sex, in other words if no guy wanted anything sexual or romantic from a particular girl, even casual sex.
Lol yea. Some girls who get rejected will come up with crazy reasons or convince themselves they weren't interested rather than accept they got rejected.
Female friend of mine has spoken with a few girls I wasn't interested in (they befriended her to get a shot at me). Some of their excuses were crazy. "He's not over his ex". We actually never even spoke about exes and I was enjoying my time dating around, not wanting a girlfriend in that moment. She didn't change that.
"He just likes white girls". I've actually dated latinas, filipinas and women of other ethnicities. Race isn't a factor for me.
"He doesn't recognize a good woman that would do anything for him". I just met the girl... enough said lol.
Then there are the girls that compliment you and then immediately retract that compliment when you turn them down. Or the girls that say they love you, but if you say you're not interested. She hates you AND you're shallow. Lol. I've literally spoken to fat women who will regularly talk shit about other women or men that hit on them who were not hot enough for her. But will turn around and talk about guys that won't date her, because they are shallow and won't date a fat girl...
Well, most were good people lol. Their feelings were just hurt. Most of them was during college when I was spending a lot of time playing the field. a lot of these girls I didn't date. They just hungout with me and made an advance I turned down. That's when they tried to save face
First, I think this take is more spot on than even you give yourself credit for. One of my first ever questions on GAG was literally about one of your first points which is why when some guys gets rejected, do they immediately snap on you and figure you're some kind of B for not wanting to date them. A question has two outcomes, yes and no. If you didn't want the possibility of no, then don't ask. Women have the free will to choose who they want to date. When you ask a perfect stranger, you know nothing about them. Maybe they just broke up, maybe they are gay, maybe they are already in a relationship, maybe your breath smells horrible, or maybe they just aren't attracted to you. It's insane that some think that just because they come over to ask you, you are mandated to say yes. I've never once in my life called some guy an a-hole for asking me out. If I didn't want to go out with them, I am nice and polite in my rejection because I know it probably took some extra to be able to approach someone they didn't know or know well, but to me, in the long run, if your approach is to then resort to a pathetic defense mechanism such as name calling or trying to somehow shame me for rejecting you... guess what, that guy has made my choice of no abundantly clear for me that I made the perfect choice. I will say however, the fair majority of men who have approached me have been very respectful and nice about it whether I gave a yes or no answer. And that's how it should be. Great take.
This take didn't support its major points very well! Girl rejects guy is the usual things! Guy rejects girl is not really an equal counterpart! The MyTake gives no support to the complaint about the belief that: "Girls can not get rejected"
It is possible for a girl to reach out to a guy and face rejection. But that is hardly ever a factor! Any fairly good looking female can just go where men are and she will eventually be approached! Using this strategy, it's TRUE that, "Girls can not get rejected". But a guy can't use that strategy! A guy HAS to put himself out there and take ALL the risk of rejection! Girls are widely accepted by the opposite sex just for existing! Not true for guys! The only females that really have to face rejection are the ones who are so extremely fat or so ugly that no man EVER approaches them! They MUST reach out and face rejection! Other than that, females have the luxury of waiting to be approached! Nothing in this MyTake challenges that! In rejections, their IS no equality between the sexes!
Pretty girls get rejected or overlooked all the time. And then told the excuse "I didn't think you wanted a guy like me". And it's usually the guys we OBVIOUSLY want.
In the example above, the "let's not" is a bit rude and childish. I can see how it would be interpreted as passive-aggressive. A better response would be: "I have on intention of that at present, as it would send the wrong message. Here is a list of other parties who may prove to be better options for you..." (insert list of other gals, but don't include any that you know would be a waste of his time.)
It takes more effort, sure. But it shows that you mean well, while not interested in making yourself into the object of his desire. "Let's not" may as well be "f*k you."
And whatever you do, gals, don't turn down an innocent advance with instant creepshaming. If you think men were calling you a shallow and heartless bitch before, doing this will earn you the label quite possibly permanently. Responding to a "hello" as if he were some kind of monster may as well be telling him to drop dead. It's rude, and often uncalled for.
You miss the issue, as do most guys. The issue is when a woman says something like "I'm not looking to date at the moment," that doesn't mean "try harder/talk her into it" or "try again later after pretending to be my friend for 3 months." That is her nice way of saying "I don't like you." She is trying to be NICE and not hurt your feelings, but most guys don't get it and persist instead of just saying "OK" and moving along. That is the mistake that guy made. It is not her job to keep trying to come up with nice ways to fend a guy off who is not understanding her attempts to consider his feelings; it is men's job to understand when a woman is not interested and back off after the FIRST attempt. Oftentimes, there are signs the chick is not interested even before the guy asks her out. And the nicer we are to you, the less you get it and the harder it is to get rid of you--that's why I dread when guys come up wanting to say "hello."
@SmartButBroke: Men need to know the difference between "not now," and "not ever." Because we'll cling to any thread of hope given. Also, gals need to know that there's a difference between trying to get a date, and a polite greeting. Not all of us want to date you. Maybe, we just want to know what's been going on since you and I last bumped into each other.
Playing it up like you're totally okay being chummy, just not looking for love, works wonders compared to this dichotomy of "either I wanna f*k with you right now, or you are as good to me as a dead fly."
Many who assume that if I am being polite, I'm asking them out. No. This isn't complicated: If I'm calm and chummy, I'm being polite. If I'm shaking, fumbling for the right words, and hinting at going somewhere else, I just may be interested in a date. If I get a "not now," I will want to know if that means "not now," or "not ever," so no false hopes.
Running away or giving the silent treatment, is just plain rude.
@SmartButBroke What women need to understand is that there is nothing nice about rejecting someone passive-aggressively. As @ObscuredBeyond said, if you give a guy hope, he's going to cling on to that. This isn't always the case, but more often than not it is.. It pisses me off beyond belief when women do this. Like this girl I work with is getting hit on by another co-worker and he's not getting the hint. Telling him, "we'll see"... and then coming up with an excuse the day of. Been happening for a month now. Hoping he gets the hint because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Fuck his feelings. He's a guy, unless he's madly in love with you he'll move on in a few days. Also, we have much more respect for women who tell us like it is than women who do it passive-aggressively.
Basically, passive-aggressive = lying in mens eyes and there's nothing nice about lying. Being straight up is nice because honesty, although can hurt, is the nice thing to do.
People can not read each other's minds. I don't understand why a woman has to be instructed by a gut she is rejecting nicely on what to say. Some men can not nice take rejection and will keep on bothering her
While it is true some men can't take rejection, most men don't get the hints... And when they don't get hints they will keep bothering the girl because he doesn't realize that she's rejecting him. And @mytakeowner, you're right... people can't read minds. A guy can't read a girls mind so why does a guy have to guess whether "we'll see" or "I don't want anything serious and I don't want you to waste your time if you live that far" as a means of rejecting or if she means what she says. If I said "we'll see" to a girl, that means I am actually contemplating hanging out with them, but I can't say for certain if I'll be able too. And if I said the other part, that would mean I am saying that I am down to hook up, but don't expect an anything serious. So, neither one of those would initially be seen as rejection. I can't read the girls mind to know if she means what she says or if she's rejecting. So, the best (and I believe the nicest) way to reject someone is to just be upfront about it.
@johnny_hustle you are preaching to the wrong crowd, because I am very upfront and direct when I reject a guy. But after I reject son guys directly they ask me why as if I'm the only woman on Earth
I'm not going to throw out that possibility that same may be asking as if you were the only woman on Earth, however, depending on my relation with the girl I'm asking, I may be asking to figure out why she doesn't find me attractive. Is it something I can work on or am I just not her preference, but because of past experiences or even just preconceived notions she may assume that I'm asking why because I can't fathom as to why anyone would say no to me when that couldn't be any further from the truth. I would argue that a lot of times guys ask why just to get an understanding. Is there something about me that I can work on. . . or am I just not this persons preference. With that said, I do understand that there may have been some guys that have approached you and couldn't fathom as to why you wouldn't want to be with.
@johnny_hustle The guy that asked me why after i rejected him did not know me at all. He was a stranger who randomly approached me. Then he asked me why
@SmartButBroke "The issue is when a woman says something like "I'm not looking to date at the moment," that doesn't mean "try harder/talk her into it" or "try again later after pretending to be my friend for 3 months.""
Right, but the clues to that aren't significantly different than when "I'm not looking to date at the moment" DOES mean try harder. Most women are that way. Most women simply respond with some variation of "no," when really only sometimes is it "no," and other times it's "whichever of you disregards my 'no' the correct way and makes my pussy wet." You girls gotta own that shit. Or figure out how to send better cues to men as to which "no" you're sending.
I think there is a lot of truth there - The only one I am not sure of is the friendzone but this is just a personal impression - The friendzone only works if both sides acknowledge the one sided feelings and agree that nothing will ever happen in which case the person with the feelings can bury the feelings - It is my belief that really only happens in a small percentage of cases - It is better to go your separate ways than hang in there only for the person with feelings to get hurt more and the other person to feel bad about not handling it right, Other than a small quibble about friendzone, the rest of the article seems on point.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...c630accd64.jpg Im not sure where the double standard comes into play all im reading is that women reject men sometimes and various reasons why. Consider this think of every guy you have found attractive and liked but they never asked you out even though you wanted them too, thats rejection as they didn't think you wete good enough to ask out.
To say that someone rejects you because they don't ask you out or talk to you pretty much everyone is rejected at birth then because everyone does not know that everyone exist
Hey its a rough world. Young guys want to get laid and get a hot girlfriend and are butthurt when they get rejected and young girls aim too high for guys that think they are not good enough to date and will only settle for a one night stand (pump and dump). It all evens itself out lol. #circleoflife
Anybody that attacks a woman for her dating choices is a blazing asshole, but the annoying thing is that women seem to lobby hard to be seen as holier than thou, spiritual beings that judge a suitor purely on the nobility of his spirit. That is consistently, demonstrably a total fairy tale. I have no problem respecting any honesty, but I have no patience for delusional thinking or even downright dishonesty.
Are you referring to rejecting a guy and labeling him as a creep when in actuality it's because he was unattractive and she did not feel validated by him approaching because he had nothing else indicating (social status/money) of being worthy to court her?
@Jose_R when I reject a guy I reject him because I'm not interested. Unfortunately son guys take this as a sign to keep bothering me even though I am direct and upfront about not being interested. The problem lies in the guy who keeps bothering me after I rejected him. That makes a guy a creep because I have never led a man on in my life so of course when a guy does that shit it bothers me
"The problem lies in the guy who keeps bothering me after I rejected him."
The problem with that is that most relationships are established only after a guy has persisted through token resistance and played her "hard-to-get" game.
If "no" really meant, "no," this wouldn't be a problem.
I'll take being too nice and having it twisted into I only could have wanted sex from her. I made the mistake of trying to be her freind after asking her out. All that wasted effort and then she calls me an ____ and then she tells me that I only wanted into her panties.
I like how this just completely bashed men with no real thought or consideration that maybe women are capable of being in the wrong and being judgmental (the same traits you seem to attribute to men).
First one claims that when guys are rejected they immediatley assume that the woman is a "shallow bitch/slut/gold digger/whore" which is of course insulting to guys but also not true. That was the "double standard" for women. The double standard for men states that when men are rejected, they immediatley assume he was "friendzoned" or that other guys viewed him as having "weak game/was to nice". In all situations you phrase the things as if its the men who are the ones judging while the women are just off to the side minding their own business ergo its bashing men. Look at how women really act, what women really think as well as how men act and how men really think and you will find that while both parties do judge the situation and can be judgmental its a very even divide. Women are not above this as you seem to allude to, in fact they do it quite frequently.
The appropriate list should have been how if a guy asks a girl out and she rejects him becuase he was "creepy"(not her type) or how he wasn't an asshole (because technicly its been proven that they do actually preffer assholes, men who have one or more of what is considered the "dark triad" traits actually have higher count of sexual partners then those who do not. https://www. medicaldaily. com/bad-boy-narcissistic-dark-triad-375294 they also preffer men who are less responsive to them (available): coffeemeetsbagel.com/.../ ) these would have been reasonable counter points to your statement of what women have to deal with ie being called a gold digger or shallow etc. Because then you would be criticising the behavior of both parties. But you didn't, you only criticised men and that was the issue it was a one sided bashing of men (like they don't get that enough) despite claiming to be neutral.
I think men and woman are just as shallow as each other. Sometimes men and sometimes woman more so. Im a rich guy and i get a lot of shallow girls approach me. One thing also, is that we all treat the opposite sex as a sex object as this is basically evolution.
Everyone is shallow, to an extent, people who call others shallow are just self righteous, the one and only thing about dating that is true and always will be true is that we're all just messed up people looking for something, so no matter the circumstance, there should be no reason for animosity
I don't really experience the girl part the same. Getting called a bitch for rejecting someone is something I recognize, but being viewed as slutty usually only happens when you don't say no often enough for as far as I've seen.
Yup... I rejected an OBVIOUS scumbag who self-proclaimed he was a nice guy for an ACTUAL OBVIOUS nice guy. But everyone ASSUMED that I was going for looks. When someone as caring and respectful as me would NEVER be that shallow.
What is dating anyway, if your want a relationships it's one thing, if it's casual it's something else, the word dating is meaningless unless is used for non casual relationships.
hun this was dumb this wasn't a guy and women thing ALL OF THIS WAS ABOUT WOMEN AND A WOMEN'S VIEW you have no idea what you are talking about and you don't understand men this was very wrong lol
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