Why It's Okay to be Shallow in the Dating World

[Anonymous]

I think it's ridiculous when people get offended and hostile about not fitting someone's preferences so this is why I wrote this.

1. A relationship can't last without mutual attraction. it's going to be a waste of time because there will be no chemistry and true love in it.

2. We are picking partners for the genetic fitness of our future children. We unconsciously pick traits in a partner in order to improve (or keep), not downgrade, our genes when we pass it on to the next generation.

3. We are entitled to like whatever we like. We can't force ourselves to change our minds. It doesn't work that way.

4. Would you honestly want to date someone who you don't find attractive? If not, then stop being a hypocrite and calling people shallow for not finding you attractive enough to date

5. If someone doesn't find you attractive, why would you want to date that person? That person won't appreciate you. Why get upset if someone else can appreciate you more?

[RichardSmith42314]

I don't consider it shallow to like good looks. It's just being human.

On the other hand, if you date a guy who is a total jerk to you just because he's hot, then yeah, you're shallow. People who aren't shallow tend to require for their date to be both good looking and a good person.

To expand, you are allowed to have whatever preferences you want in a date. You are also allowed to choose whoever you want based on those preferences. However, if you bully someone just because they don't meet your preferences, then you're dirt.

[Anonymous]

I hate people who say you're an asshole if you don't like someone because they aren't physically appealing to you. it's actually really fucking important and if you get into a relationship trying to overlook it eventually it will bite you in the ass when you desperately want out of the relationship.

[Bluemax]

I for one would like to see an end to the use of the word "shallow" as it's applied to attraction. It is an unfair thing, to be rejected for something which might be unable to change, but as you said, we can't control who we are physically attracted to. Hence I dislike using a word loaded with negative connotations for something we can't control.

Now, whereas you and I are in agreement that it's ridiculous to get offended by someone's rejection, I believe you and I can agree it's not ridiculous to get sad or hurt by someone's rejection.

"Would you honestly want to date someone who you don't find attractive?"

For quite a few, the fact that the other person is not into them does nothing to lessen the attraction. This is because, as you rightly say, we can't control who we'really attracted to.

"Why get upset if someone else can appreciate you more?"
To ask someone to not feel sad or hurt about being rejected is kind of silly.

Now, let me ask you, anon. Do you believe that ugly people find other ugly people attractive? I for one don't, nor do I blame them since they too can't control who they like. A friend of mine pointed this out to me. The same evolutionary forces at work in you and me are also at work in ugly people.

[myTake Owner]

Yes I agree that with you that it's ridiculous to not expect someone to feel hurt or sad. But it's very annoying when they start to become hostile because the reaction is something that can be controlled.

[Bluemax]

Indeed it is. Men need to be taught better in that regard. I say men because it's usually men, though by no means always.

[myTake Owner]

You know I find it even more ridiculous when it happens over online with someone who they never even met.

[Bluemax]

I think being online affords them the opportunity to be spiteful without the risk of someone kicking their ass.

[myTake Owner]

It's funny how I block them and then they have the nerve to post more comments on someone's opinion just to say something more. I could spike them in the face if they said those things to me offline.

[Bluemax]

Do you mean on gag?

[myTake Owner]

Yes some weirdos here

[AleDeEurope]

I agree with this, but I wouldn't call this shallow, unless they just go for looks without considering the other person's personality.
If you break up with a girl because she's not attractive, even though she's a good girl, that's not shallow.
But if you date a bitch just because she's hot, then THAT's shallow, and I don't think that's ok, cause in the end you're gonna end up getting fucked, or even worse, bringing a kid to this world, and then separating and the kid is brought up in an unstable environment.

So I 100% agree with the content of your Take, but I don't fully agree with what you imply by being shallow. Wanting someone attractive isn't shallow.

[BiscuitesSwag]

"Wanting someone attractive isn't shallow."
It is for the SJWs on this site, who I think she is addressing to.

[AleDeEurope]

@BiscuitesSwag hahaha I wouldn't be surprised xD

[JohnDoe3000]

These points all sound very reasonable IF you think there's someone out there for everyone (and that someone is available/reachable). The truth is there is no such guarantee and we constantly see multiple people foolishly chase after the same, smaller group of people.

In reality you have far better chances if you're willing to compromise on little things: a guy doesn't need a sixpack and a six-figure salary to be right for you and a girl doesn't need DD boobs and have a partner count below 3 to be right for you either. The less you're willing to compromise the more you have to have to offer yourself and the more you have to accept the fact you might end up alone.

[Xseed]

It's not shallow to have self value. Its not shallow that you know you can have better mates. Those are standards. I feel like words like shallow have been thrown around so much by people who don't r really know what they're talking about. Being "shallow" has the negative connotation of judging someone purely on physical traits. As in, liking or not liking someone purely on physical and materialistic values. It's not by any means to have value in yourself to choose an attractive mate while rejecting those who don't meet your "standards".

So you're not being "shallow" to want an attractive mate that fits your standard. However it is shallow to not care about any other traits EXCEPT how hot he or she looks. Would you really want a guy/girl who ONLY went out with you because you were hot and that he/she doesn't give two sh! ts about how you think or your personality or what kind of person you are?

[Heera]

It's okay to be this kind of "shallow". I tried once to be with someone I wasn't attracted to and it just didn't feel right. I loved him as a person but I didn't even wanted to kiss him so there was a problem. He wasn't ugly, but he was far away from someone I would find attractive (as personal preferences)

I've never understood people that say to lower your standards. As long as you have REALISTIC expectations your standards are good. Sure maybe you won't get a model or someone stunning, but attractivness is really very subjective in a lot of cases, you can get someone attractive in your perspective.
So don't go for someone you don't really like because you fear being single. We were brainwashed into thinking the main purpose in life is to find our "soul mate" There's no such thing. Be happy with yourself so you can be happy with someone else too. Don't run from being single, run from being in a pointless relationship

[PrincessofNohr]

I don't think it's "being shallow" so much as "having standards", which is fair for all people. That being said, it's also reasonable to have realistic standards and not be downtrodden when you don't find someone who meets your highest ideals. The chances of finding a guy who ticks every single box is slim, so some compromise in little things are necessary.

[watermelonlover]

As someone who felt like crap for rejecting someone that I wasn't into solely based off of what they looked like, I know this is sound advice. It just also hurts to be on that other side knowing that there are plenty of people that won't date me because I'm not hot enough.

I'd love to live in a world where looks counted for nothing, but It's never going to be like that.

[questionstoask]

"We are picking partners for the genetic fitness of our future children. We unconsciously pick traits in a partner in order to improve (or keep), not downgrade, our genes when we pass it on to the next generation".

I agree that people going with their preferences is the natural and right way to be in a relationship. But there are too many cases where very attractive people chose partners that are average or below in terms of what society deems favorable genes and therefore would not be a "genetic upgrade". By making statements like the one you made (and I don't mean to attack you here), you're making it sound like those relationships are unnatural. Only commenting on this because this kind of thinking encourages people look at those couples and say things like "why is "x" person dating "y" they could do so much better"... which is a pretty garbage and harmful thing to say. It also discounts how much an emotional bond can make us look past our own superficial desires.

[GingerGuy]

Some good points. Everyone does it. I don't know anyone that has dated or married someone they weren't attracted to, at least in the beginning. I don't consider it shallow as everyone has different tastes but more reality and smart really. Your relationship isn't going to last forever and/or suffer in possibly many ways if you're not attracted to your partner. It's not going to be a happy one that's for sure.

[TayTay21]

It's harsh, but it's true. Dating is competitive. I work hard to ensure that I have choices. As the saying goes, "I work out so my relationships don't have to."

[Fathoms77]

I saw that "The Ugly Truth" was on TV tonight.

... that could be an alternate title for this Take. ;)

[myTake Owner]

Yes like this The Ugly Truth: it's okay to be shallow

[Bluegold007]

Never seem that show. What's it about?

[Fathoms77]

@Bluegold007 It's not a show, it's a movie.

[Scrambledagain]

Yeah, which is why unattractive men should get prostitutes and not get grilled for it😁

[Bluegold007]

Hey we're human. Everyone has a little shallowness in them. We are all wired that way. Men and women.

[serious]

It is never ok to be shallow. However I do agree that looks, attractiveness is important.

[samit11]

🙄 being shallow will never serve you in the long run🙄

[Bluemax]

Finding someone physically attractive or unattractive isn't shallow.

[samit11]

@Bluemax i agree :)

[Anonymous]

Great take, anyone who thinks someone they're dating likes them solely for their personality is lying to themselves.

[girlinthemirror]

if someone i like can't find me attractive, he becoming not attractive in my eyes too

[fartsniffer2016]

I am shallow. That's why I don't like big dicks in my ass

[CancerianMan81]

being shallow is not being realistic it's being fake

[CancerianMan81]

shallow people can't be realistic because their always stuck in a fantasyland and always thinking that's reality when it's not

[Rissyanne]

There is nothing wrong with having a preference.