13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

pavlove

13 Reasons Why dramatizes the painful decision of young fictional teenage girl to kill herself. Without spoiling it, I found myself surprised by how regular her life was for a teenager. It wasn't really depressing to me what she was going through at least in the wow this show really bums me out kind of way and that is the show's brilliance. The young girl isn't much different and her experiences aren't much different than what we all go through, but the fact that no one could see how much pain she was in tells us something about how much pain we keep inside ourselves as a direct result of things going wrong in our social and romantic lives. It's a show everyone on this site in particular site needs to see.

1.) Most people are hurting in some way, and people who are hurting most of the time aren't capable of helping somebody else fully.

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

You may want to just be a great boyfriend or friend or sibling, but it's not that simple. The problem is you have your own issues however big or small and that is going to get in the way of being able to be all about them in the way you envision. The truly great lover or friend or sibling is able to set aside all of that, but they will always fall a little short because of their own hangups. This is why it's important for anyone experiencing any kind of emotional pain to see someone professional just as you'd go to the doctor for a cold. Regardless, though, this explains why the most important in your life can seem to let you down even when you try to open up...

2.) Problems that go unresolved for too much time become negative obsessions...

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

the main character comes to the high school with only one mission really-- fit in. This is quickly dashed away because of being overly trusting of someone she had just met and very quickly she finds that mission to be near impossible. She then tries to fix the problem by fitting in somewhere else in the school, but her insecurities make that impossible as well. The reason for this is that a problem that goes on for too long like getting laid lets just say can become a really negative obsession in which the person tries so hard to solve the problem that they've actually become overly attached with it and so can't let it go. a more whimsical example might be a dog chasing a squirrel...the dog has tried so many times that when it catches the squirrel its confused on what to do next...its become to socialized to believe it isn't fast enough to catch it. In this way, if you have a problem that you've had for a long time with regard to some aspect of your interactions with people, chances are its become an obsession and an identity and you need to just let it go.

3.) If you're in too much pain, even being with a good person won't help...

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

Cliche as it is, we've all ruined a good thing with someone because of our own BS. The answer to your problems isn't a person...even an extremely kind person because as stated you have to be in a good headspace in order to receive it.

4.) People tend to underestimate the power of self-care

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

Blame our consumer society, but we are tragically unaware of how well we can take care of ourselves. People who understand that they have this power are much less likely to try to kill themselves and those who believe that they have no ability to care for themselves and need to latch on to others are often in store for a very bumpy ride in life. I personally think self care is hard to accept as most important because of the idea that it is kind of lonely. But imagine self care is like filling up your glass with water in a bar where everyone is trying to convince others to pour their half filled glass to the brim with their own half filled glasses. Because you can just pour your own water from the source, you can give others water freely without worrying about losing what you have AND you can always have so much for yourself that you don't need to ask anyone for theirs but can choose to accept their water when it suits you.

5.) Pain doesn't last forever

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

This is the main reason is sucks to be a teenager and why even though you have crushing responsibilities in the real world most adults are really glad its over. Teenagers don't have fully developed brains yet and when they experience painful emotions their brains can't register that it will go away. It literally feels like it will go on forever. This is obviously extremely dangerous since as an adult even in a really shitty situation you can imagine no longer feeling this emotion with some time. Still, for all of us we should heed the advice that it's important to continue on with your life and not give your pain too much power to stop your action or get in the way of you living your life because it will go away.

6.) People you know are asking help and you're not hearing them...

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

It may not be to the point of suicidal thoughts, but people softly ask others for help when they're in pain as matter of survival. The problem is they are probably well aware that most people don't want to help so rather than be straight about it they play games or push them away and hope that the person will chase them. This is rather common in relationships where one partner is trying to gauge how much the other partner really cares before opening up.

7.) People you know are hurting people in ways that are causing serious emotional damage...

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

Another thing the show/book brings up is just how unobvious it can be that you're causing someone a lot of emotional harm since you find it innocent and don't know how they're interpreting it or what they're going through. We all have the tendency to not judge people we're close to even when they say things which reveal that they are doing something cruel to someone else so long as its not violent. But, no bro code or even lover code should be strong enough to look the other way when someone is hurting someone else even when its just emotional.

8.) Your parents aren't the problem or the solution...

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

A lot of people even in their adults believe that if they had better parents they'd be less screwed up but the main character actually has amazing parents and still it doesn't help. If someone feels like a burden, it's something they've decided about themselves and is much more damaging than a parent who insults their child. Yes, they could have provoked something in you but it had to be there first don't give your parents so much power to "ruin you."

9.) Most people are in it for themselves and their natural instincts are toward self preservation

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

The more you have to lose the more you're willing to do to protect it. The people that you date will tend to, at the end of the day, look out for themselves even if you are the one who pays the price. It's a sad but important thing to understand about human nature. Yes, there are rare people capable of realizing that the world is more important than just themselves but we should prepare for that to very often not be the case.

10.) Insecurity destroys everything in your system like a virus even though ultimate destruction of the body means destruction of itself

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

You would think if insecurity is trying to help you in some twisted way that it would at least stop when its brought you to the edge, but it doesn't. insecurity will keep eating at you and destroying your insides until it no longer has a host body to destroy, this is because insecurity only cares about destroying. A little insecurity is a good thing--life is uncertain where anythign can happen adn we have to embrace this uncertainty if we're going to be happy, but when you obsess about your insecurities they will only want to take you down until there is nothing left

11.) Seeing rape coming is almost impossible in many instances

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

This is because unfortunately guy culture has persisted in the thought that women somehow want to put up a "pretend" fight before being fucked so that they don't come off as sluts to the guy. Guys use this excuse to commit what can only be considered rape. What's worse, much of society still backwards rationalizes and blames the girl for not clearly protesting, which of course makes them afraid to speak up about what happened.

"She wanted me man, she got in the hot tub because she wanted to get f*****, if that's rape then every girl in the school wants to get raped" - Character from 13 Reasons Why

12.) The weakest of us can survive if we trust ourselves

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

As a contrast to the emotional weakness almost all the characters experience, one who seems likely to be a psychopath is actually one of the bravest of all. This gives us incredible insight into the fact that just because you're apparently in a situation that would make you fall apart, as long as you trust yourself you can be ten feet tall emotionally speaking. You just have to believe in yourself to be able to take care of yourself and that is easier said than done

13.) Emotional Pain Is Real

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why

It's the most frustrating thing that mainstream society still treats emotional pain as if its less real because it exists primarily in the mind. It causes billions of people great suffering every single day and only when its taken seriously can work be done to make it go away. yes, its a first world problem in the sense that if you're impoverished you probably don't have the mental freedom to even realize you have emotional problems, but its a very real thing nontheless. You have to value the emotional self within you and when its hurt actually treat instead of ignore it.

13 Critical Lessons From Thirteen Reasons Why
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Poppykate
    This TV series needs to be blamed worldwide, if we care about our youth. There has been many young girls (and a few boys), who have been what most mental health professionals would have labelled to be ‘at risk’, and they have either killed themselves, or attempted to kill themselves, because of this show. Young minds are impressionable, and we need to do our upmost to protect them from harm.
    Is this still revelant?
    • pavlove

      how the hell does this show promote suicide?

    • Poppykate

      I don’t know. Health professionals seem to think that it glamorises suicide. Either way, the link between young girls and the recent viewing of this program by these girls can’t be ignore. Maybe a 18+ rating needs to be applied.

    • Poppykate

      By the way... cheers for the MHG! 🍻

Most Helpful Guy

  • StudentAbroad
    This is incredible and I agree 100% with these lessons. As someone who has been there, they all spoke to me on a personal level apart from number 11. Great mytake!
    Is this still revelant?

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What Girls & Guys Said

169
  • coralee
    Really good mytake. Part of me loves 13 reasons why, but a part of me also really dislikes it's portrayl of suicide. But I think it really hit home with the target audience, and made some pretty good social commentary along the way.
    • pavlove

      why do you hate its portrayal of suicide?

    • coralee

      I had a family member attempt and as such depression and suicide is rather close to my heart. Hannah's suicide is played out in such a way that it becomes more of the ultimate revenge fantasy as opposed to suicidal. People who commit suicide can spend a lot of time thinking about it but not the way Hannah does. Suicide is an act of extreme self-harm it is an attack inwards not outwards. Hannah projects outwards rather then inwards. She focuses on the people who hurt her rather then how she was hurt in a way that isn't usually associated with suicide. Someone who is suicidal isn't going to spend the time making 13 tapes telling people how she got to this point. Suicide notes are usually hastly written (there usually sloppy and don't make a lot of sense) and reflect on the suicidal person not on others. Once in that suicidal spiral they are not capable of seeing how their deaths will affect others. Hannah weilds it's affect like a weapon.

    • pavlove

      thats true and i agree the show got preachy and didn't spend enough time on the fact that hannah is largely responsible for not trying hard enough to get help and instead focusing on how its the kids at the schools fault but then the ending made me think she was trying to get them treat each other better

    • Show All
  • PetrovaFire92
    Very interesting I'm very optimistic so I never been sad or depressed so matter what I trust my self. Even though I have been picked on not to bad to make me wanna kill my self... I look at the bright side of life.
    • pavlove

      i used to think people like you were fake and annoying, but now i actually think that you may be right. a lot of life is perception and what you choose to focus on

    • Being around negativity makes you feel negativity, nice surroundings in sunshine, bring me positivity. An I have to much strong will to let people being me down.

  • michellebrown48
    love this take but I hate the show. so triggering. do you know how many people killed themselves after this show? it just romanticizes mental illness. shows kids that if you kill yourself you get attention
    • pavlove

      why would you want attention after you're dead?

    • The most dominant motivator in my past thoughts of killing myself, as horrible as this is, was to punish others. To hurt people, to make people feel guilty, to let them know they failed me, to make them feel responsible, to make them hate themselves for what they did to me. The thing that stopped me from doing it was that I wouldn't get to see the fallout, and the fear that I would actually die. I wanted to fake try, survive, and see the fallout.

      But when I really think about it I think how could my life be better. Yeah maybe it would be satisfying for a fleeting moment to see the fallout firsthand, but thereafter I will always live on as the guy who tried to kill myself. People will look at me different, think about me different, talk to me different, I will not be the same to them and so I will not be able to live a regular life. Also people's care for me will be a facade, something they feel they have to do as a sign of empathy and compassion, essentially virtue signalling and not

    • genuine. Ultimately it would drive people away, they would be scared to be close to me, people would not trust me as a person worth investing care and consideration in, certainly not love.

      So yeah, my motivator had always been the satisfaction I'd get from the fallout, which I'd have to live to see, but when I think about it deeper it's unthinkable to live on like that. So I'd rather choose the third option which is to live without any suicide attempts.

    • Show All
  • vishna
    Oh Hannah, such a sad show to watch her life spiral so quickly and she thinks there is no getting better.
    Great MyTake
  • Ceins
    "Seeing rape coming is almost impossible in many instances" In general yes, but in this particular show she could have predict that. Don't want to leave spoilers here, but who has seen the show will know what I'm talking about. The show itself was interesting to watch, but at moments too naive, unrealistic and plain stupid.
  • Red-Blaze
    Wonderful work
    Great take

    I sure taken something out of these one
  • liarenae
    this is a very important mytake. I appreciate all of the effort put into it. It's thought provoking
  • Onlythisone
    Very well written! I've always thought that the human mind adapts to trauma so people that have normal lives can have the same difficulty as people who have extraordinary circumstances. And because they aren't used to it it can be harder to process.

    I only disagree on the 'a good person doesn't help' point. I've only met one good person in my life and they made an incredible difference. They changed my entire perspective and gave me the chance to get my life in order when they didn't have to. And no, when I met them I wasn't in a place where I could be helped. I only wanted to fight, I only wanted to destroy like everyone tried to destroy me. One person changed all that. So even if I'm not good at it I believe in the power on good person has to help someone.
    • pavlove

      was this a friend or a lover or someone who was professionally trained?

    • Friend/lover

  • HOAAH
    I have never watched the show, but I agree with what you wrote.
    I think that people need to seriously give themselves "self" care, because no one can approve of them and love them the way they need but themselves.
    Emotional pain is real, but it needs to be dealt with between the person and the person alone. They need to find peace within themselves, the person doing the emotional pain does not care, and no one else can really truly comfort them but them coming to terms with the fact that they are still lovable and wanted even if there are people out there that hate or dislike them and treat them bad.
    Life is full of "ups and downs" but the most important thing is to not give up and kill yourself but to seek help... to figure things out inside your head so you can come to peace on your own terms. You have to seek the help, not your friends do it for you or your parents. It's NOT their problem. It's your own.
  • MackToday
    The main thing is , some people are less mentally stable. They don't handle life as well so they check out on a regular basis.
  • oddwaffle
    If you find yourself going through hell, keep going.

    Save yourself for no one else will.

    Silly people and their silly drama.
  • cupidkisses
    " People you know are asking help and you're not hearing them."

    That's so true.
  • elhof
    I like this show. It really raise lots of important question.
  • xZoeyx
    Love this. Great myTake!
  • COCOCHANEL
    good points
  • omgjassy
    Nicely written.
  • melanieeeB
    I like your Take, hate the show tho haha
  • LegateLanius
    Great mytake
  • Rosewanda
    Interesting.
  • CT_CD
    Very interesting
  • Revolver_
    bad show
  • Anonymous
    Nice myrake I want you to answer some of my questions
    How do you really let go of past?
    How to be more secure?
    And how do I stop thinking about sexual abuse I seen and didn't do nothing because I was too scared?
    • pavlove

      thanks man--here are my thoughts on your question but i'd say they all warrant therapy if you have time/money to allow it

      1. You let go of the past by learning from it. We look to to the past and hold onto it like an unresolved conflict because its trying to tell us something. For instance, if you got cheated on then you may fear it happening again. My optimistic view is that your mind is saying, hey learn what caused this to happen either in you or her so that this doesn't happen again. At the same time, if you've learned to spot the behavior it can still happen again but by learning something from it i feel it helps let it go.

      2) You become more secure by love pure and simple. We live in a world where everything is always changing and we aren't anyones perfect image of a man/woman. Therefore you will always come into conflict with others and can never find security in the outside world. So, you have to choose to love and accept whatever it is you're insecurity fully.

    • pavlove

      say you've got a five inch dick and you're insecure even though its about the average. instead of hoping that your girlfriend or sexual partner will like it as much as she likes any other dick, the key is that you like it and also that you know that your worth is not dependent on the size of your dick. its a nice bonus maybe but it isn't substance AND you can learn to love it.

      3) Well i don't know how young you were and i don't know if you had a legit reason to be scared but you would forgive someone else easily for being afraid so give that to yourself as well. many people think its easy to do something in the moment but the fact of the matter is a very small percentage have the personality to jump in at a moments notice.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you for your response I hope I change myself this year.

  • Anonymous
    don't agree with #11 but the other stuff i completely agree with and i don't agree with #11 because we all know that a girl who wants it will let you know she wants it and won't put up a fight. anything else is an absolute do not continue and everyone knows that
  • Anonymous
    This take is good and the lessons from the show are okay but the show is mediocre at best. It has a very superficial shallow vision of suicide and depression. Skins (UK) for example, goes deep into the issues of teenagers and it feels so much more real and even though it isn't about suicide in particular, I'd advise it to someone going through depression.
  • Anonymous
    I’ve not seen the story but this really needs a trigger warning
    • pavlove

      why does it need a trigger warning?

    • Anonymous

      Because it can trigger suicidal thoughts and actions in readers.

    • pavlove

      you really think so? why? it doesn't seem to make it a good thing...

    • Show All
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