I had to write this anonymous because I have to get this off of my chest, but at the same time, I don't want my account to be DM'd to death on. I've never admitted this to anyone in my life, so I figured I would write this as an anonymous take.
Let me give you some background: I'm 27 years old, straight, and I'm probably the least romantic person I know. I'm a disgusting man, I'll admit it. I pretty much only care about sex. I don't care about dating. I've paid for hookers, and I've never really dated anyone. I'm just a dirty dog, and I've came to accept I wouldn't be marriage material, and I wouldn't be a good father.
Now since that's off of my chest, I have fallen in love before, and it was at first sight. Literally one time in my life. I was 14 years old, and I was on vacation. If the least romantic person of all time is telling you there is a such thing as love at first sight, there is a such thing as love at first sight.
Picture it: It's the summer of 2005. I'm in Panama City Beach, FL on vacation. I'm just a carefree 14 year old, where my biggest struggle was beating Super Mario 64 DS 100%. At this point, I'm obviously still a virgin, and as I already stated in this take, I've never really been romantic. I would ogle at women at the pool, and I still enjoyed objectifying women. At the pool there was a girl there. Just in case there is some snowball's chance in Mexico of her seeing this, her name in this take will be Jane Doe.
Jane was my age, and she was a cute brunette girl. She had a good body for her age, and her personality was wonderful. She approached me in the pool, and asked me where I was from, she told me straight from the start I was "cute", and it was like I hit the jackpot. But aside from the fact she was stunning to look at, her personality also won me over. And to this day, it's the only time I've fallen in love with a personality. We spent six days on vacation talking to each other every day, and we were in love. Yes, it seems a bit cheesy as 14 year olds but we were in love. It was real, and it makes me tear up just thinking about it.
What happened? Well, she lived in Mississippi, and I'm a lifelong Michigan resident. We did get each other's MySpace profiles/user names, but we didn't message each other much. The last time I messaged her was when we were 20 years old. She still enjoyed talking to me, even though she was dating a guy she met in college at the time. She was a student at Ole Miss, and I was a student at Michigan. We still lived nowhere near each other.
As most of us know, MySpace was abandoned, and it's now a ghost town. What happened? As crazy as this sounds, I can't find here on any social media websites at all. I've tried IG, facebook, snapchat, twitter, youtube, and even googled her first, and last name in hopes to find her on some social networking platform, and I still can't find her. Even though she very well might be married by now, I figure I would at least find her at sometime, especially since facebook recognizes maiden names in the search bar, even if their names have changed. I've been searching for about 6 years now, and still no luck. The crazy thing is, her first, and last name is pretty rare(a very unique name altogether), so I know she's not just lost in the pack of name searches.
The problem is, I'm still not fully over her. Every blue moon, I think about her. There have been times I thought about her during my loneliest moments, and cried myself to sleep. Fuck, I'm a straight dude and I just admitted I cry myself to sleep sometimes.
I know I know..."she's probably married", "she could be dead", "what if she's a drug addict", "get over her." I know. But I can't help but think we were destined to meet each other, except it will probably never happen.
And that's the saddest part of it all.