Why guys should try harder... and so should girls

[Aaron-Anderson]

I can't tell you how many times I hear from a woman that she'd like her man to try harder. She'd like him to buy her flowers, take her on dates, ask her insightful questions about herself, etc. And when he doesn't she gets angry and thinks her guy doesn't care.

Well, unfortunately for guys she's right. Guys aren't socialized to be the relationship pros that women are. A good relationship for a guy is one where they don't have to talk a lot and doesn't require a lot of maintenance. But the truth is, relationships should take effort. They should be interesting, romantic and fulfilling. And as everyone knows nothing worth having ever came free. So guys, take more initiative and think about how to be more romantic.

Having said that, women also need to work harder, too. A lot of women have what I call the "Disney idea" of relationships. Which is that the guy should do most of the work to romance, woo and sweep his princess of her feet. As a result, a lot of women are good at playing hard to get or are waiting for a guy to come along who will sweep them off their feet.

Sure, it looks great in the Disney movie but in real life this isn't a healthy relationship. In fact, it's really one sided and perpetuates challenging gender norms as well. Women can do a lot more to communicate with their man. They should also be asking insightful questions and taking initiative for romance, too.

What do you think? Why do you think guys don't try harder? And why do you think so many girls complain that guys don't try hard enough?

[MaskedSanity]

"A good relationship for a guy is one where they don't have to talk a lot and doesn't require a lot of maintenance"

While I agree on the maintenance part (nobody wants to deal with a high maintenance person irrespective of gender), your assumption about men not wanting to talk a lot is bullshit.
You're simply echoing the old beat up gag about women blabbing nonstop.

Truth is, many men get frustrated with women, who cannot actively engage and require constant "leading". Having to pull words out of a person just makes for an awkward conversation.

You think mute pussy is a win? I can't count the number of times my mates bitched about going out with some really hot girl, but eventually dumping her because she was boring as fuck.

Too much of anything is bad, but to say guys don't want to talk much is misinformed, to say the least.

Other than that, I agree - people need to try harder, especially women.

[YourFutureEx]

Good take I liked it :-)

What do you think?
I agree

Why do you think guys don't try harder?
Can we blame masculine nature?

And why do you think so many girls complain that guys don't try hard enough?
Over-expectations or say no compromises? (even if they're right)

[Jimrat86]

From my observations, the guys that get the most women are the ones who try the least. I myself, live in nowwheresville, where it's difficult to meet anyone over 17 or under 40, so I do tend to assume the role of the good boyfriend in my relationships for lack of other perceived options. My girlfriend expects me to open the door for her, occasionally wine and dine her and take her to nice places. And sometimes buy flowers. And say sweet things to her. She does however, buy me beer and hold my door too, as well as do other things to make me happy so it's kind of a give and take. Do I think it's perfect? No. But do I have a line of 10 other women waiting to date me? No.

[AdoringFan]

I agree that it is probably a combination of both, men should try a little harder, women should lower their expectations a little. There are probably very few guys out there who would come close to men in chickflicks, so expecting anything like that is a bit strange. Men shouldn't take their girl for granted, because she's has needs too.

[Prettykangaroos]

I agree. This is a horrible cycle.

My boyfriend doesn't give me the attention that I want, then I ask him to and it just pushes him away more!

I guess I'm trying to say that expectations must be set in a relationship.

[Aaron-Anderson]

This is a pretty common cycle that you're describing. In fact, it's so common there's a name for it. It's called the pursuer-distancer cycle. Set those expectations early. You'll be thankful for it years from now!

[kheserthorpe]

I think some people don't try much.

I think some - male and female - try a lot.

I think those not doing much should do more.

I think those being used need to learn to be more demanding, rather than doing less.

[Aaron-Anderson]

Couldn't agree more Kheserthorpe, People absolutely should be more demanding, rather than doing less. A relationship is supposed to be caring and affectionate. If you're not feeling that way don't go quiet. Speak up and try to fix it.

[Scrambled]

I think this is a bullshit post. I read this in every pick up book and then tried it for myself: the more you give the more you push away. Supplication. The destroyer of relationships. Nice guys don't just give, they sacrifice. It's wrong.

[HelloDur]

You don't know me, I don't know you. Lets not generalize...

[Anonymous]

I agree, women expect all this stuff yet won't give anything in return. It seems women want a boyfriend for the attention and romanticism.