Why does my boyfriend want to jerk off rather then have sex?

[jamie23334]

So me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. We have had sex in the past three weeks maybe once a week and he always gos and then just forgets about me going. He only does it when he wants it. He turns me down when I ask. He won't shawer with me anymore or anything. Today I caught him jerking off and it really hurt me. What should I do?

Updates

+1 y

I have tried to talk to him and its my fault. I'm just a child about it. Nothing has changed we just haven't really had our time together. I have tried to talk dirty to him and Everything. I have even tried to change things up.

Updates

+1 y

He told me he was to sick to have sex with me and then i caught him jerking off.I think that's what hurt me the mosr

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+1 y

He cheated on me!

[GuyWannaHelp]

First of all, I want to explain one thing to you. Guys jerk of to release sexual tension. It is something that builds up over an amount of time and you get rid of that through jerking off (or sex of course). When he jerks off, it does NOT necessarily mean he is not attracted to you anymore. You should not be hurt to bad by this, if you don't mind me saying. It is something most (if not all guys) do from time to time and he doesn't do it to hurt you.

What is strange, however, is that he turns you down when you ask him for it. It is possible that he isn't in the mood one day, but if it keeps happening, something may be wrong. Like knotme said, you should talk to him about it. This is not a strange or awkward thing to ask at all, especially since you have been together for 4 years!
Tell him that you feel like you haven't been having sex as much as you used to and that you miss it. Then, ask him if something changed or if he knows what is up. See what he says and take it from there.

He might get defensive, like: "I just didn't feel like it, okay! Get off my back". If that happens, try and stay calm and explain that you are not blaming him for it, but that you just want to have sex a little more often, like you used to. This should catch him of guard. He is prepared for you to start a fight, but if you relax and keep your cool, you can accomplish much, much more.

I hope this helps!
Ask me anything if you need to :)

[jamie23334]

Why would he tell me he was to sick to have sex with me?

[GuyWannaHelp]

He could actually have been sick or not feeling well when you wanted to have sex. For example, if he had a bad cold and a running nose, i can image he didn't want to have sex. Yet, jerking off wouldn't be such a big problem in that scenario.

I wouldn't ask him more about it, now that you already asked him. He gave his answer and you should respect that.
However, if you still feel like he always turns you down in a few weeks or a month, you should talk to him about it again, and more seriously. I think it will all get vetter soon though :)

[Pedantic]

Your relationship is in trouble. When there are unsolved problems eating away at the heart (basically leads to bitterness if gone on long enough; you're probably not at that stage yet) then sexual interest and function are going to be effected.

Remember males are pretty much biologically forced to release every so often (shelf life of sperm and all that) so urges will happen but he isn't feeling it with you.

Basically go into communication mode and work on the relationship itself. You can broach the sex issue, that's fine, but check all the corners for cobwebs. A healthy relationship will lead to a good sex life.

[26ukdude]

If he is preferring to jerk off instead of sleeping with you then thats a problem, but most guys still do it even in relationships. I prefer sex definitely but it is sometimes easier to just get yourself off quickly when you are horny. As someone else said you need to understand the male sex drive, men get a build up of stuff that gets uncomfortable even painful if its not released that you don't experience, so thats why they do it. He is having sex with you for pleasure, he is wanking to get rid of sexual tension/semen that has accumulated.

[Nightingale]

Sometimes men just want a quick release, and be done in 5 minutes. Sex is often not, because you need to consider your partner needs as well.

That being said, it seems your bf sexual attraction to you is dwindling. What has changed? Be as detailed and honest as you can.

[gonyr]

He was jerking off the entire relationship, you're just now catching him.

[Belgie]

Laziness? Not attracted to you?

[jamie23334]

I get ready everyday and go to work even on days I don't work

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

Maybe he just isn't that in to you

[zombiebabe]

masturbate

[knotme]

Talk to him about it