My gf has self harm scars on her thighs?

[Anonymous]

So i started going out with her about a month ago. Today we were making out and i pulled her skirt up a bit and she had heaps of self harm scars on her legs. She quickly pulled her skirt back down and said she had to go. I stopped her and asked her about them and she said they were from about 6 months back when she was depressed. I honestly don't mind the scars and think she's gorgeous no matter what but she told me she thinks they're disgusting and won't blame me if i break up with her. I want to prove to her that i love her and her body and they don't matter. What should I do? How do I help her?

[Anonymous]

I have a ton of scars as well, when I first started dating my ex they were all still really recent and really red and noticeable. so they really embarrassed me, but whenever he would notice me looking at them or when I started to seem sad he would take my arm and kiss each one of my scars then would go to my leg and kiss each one of those ones. Tell her that they don't bother you and that she is just as beautiful with them as she would be without them. There isn't all that much that you can do to help her other than be there for you when she is ready to talk. It's a really hard thing for people who have self harmed to be able to talk about it, since nobody seems to understand. Just be there for her as best as you can and tell her how much you care about her and that when she is ready to talk you will still be there.

[dymphnak]

This. Could not have said it better myself.

[udolipixie]

My gf has self harm scars on her thighs? What should I do?
In my opinion it's suited to dump her as likely you do not have the ability to cope with a potentially be an emotional/mental unstable gal who may become depressed again and self-harm. I highly doubt you genuinely love this gal, will be with her in 3 years, or she'll be a permanent place in your life.

How do I help her?
Perhaps advice her to a support group and therapist for the reason (s) of her prior depression.

[Asker]

This response is so wrong in so many ways. I just need advice to help her, i do genuinely love her, I've just never been in this position before.

[udolipixie]

I gave you advice- therapy and a support group.

In your opinion my response is 'so wrong'. I highly doubt you genuinely love this gal enough that you will be with her in 3 years and she'll be a permanent place in your life. Most likely you're not going to marry her and this is just of many casual relationships so I see no reason not to dump her.

[Hanjheo]

If she is still self harming, you should find a way for her to get professional help. But honestly, every girl is different so you'll have to prove her your own way. Be there for her mainly and show you that scars don't matter.

[e92brah]

me too i have scars all over my fuckin thighs but they remind me of who i am today, how different i am from the person i was when i did that to myself. sure, sometimes they get me down, examine them and i just stare at them in disbelief, but that just reminds me how far i've come since i did that.

i have probably around 200 scars on my thighs and if my significant other forced me to talk about them like you did i would feel uncomfortable. don't do it. next time you see her ask her to please tell you about them because it will bring you guys closer together. tell her you will make sure she never feels like she has to do that again. most importantly, keep an eye out to see if there are any new ones because if there are then you need to seriously help her but right now she is fine.

[justbanANNAz]

aw ur a nice guy:) i think u should explain to her how beautiful she is. in times like this, what you need to do is be very soft with your baby girl. you may want to hold her in your arms while laying down or have her on ur lap. be close with her. tell her something like this, which isn't made up, but in fact, very true:

"u know what babe? i always thought you were beautiful, but seeing those scars on your legs made you even more beautiful to me. wanna know y?" *wait for response* :P
"because they mean that you're a fighter. u went through a bad time, and u were weak, yea, but you got back up. look at you. you're nothing like that anymore. those scars r supposed to remind you that you overcame something which once broke you, and I'm sure you're strong enough not to break like that again. you're still beautiful to me. i promise". << dont say 'i promise' if u dont mean it tho.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Wow. That's so sweet and true. Man of us are living with scars be physical or emotional.

[justbanANNAz]

thanks :) agreed. @AlwaysBelieving

[AlwaysBelieving]

That should be "most" not "man". I've got to proofread more before I click submit.

At any rate, while you can see physical scars, emotional ones are sometimes more difficult to address (bring up).

[justbanANNAz]

ofcourse, yet it is possible. one just really needs to make a person feel absolutely loved before they talk about it, which is why i encourage the qa to do things like hold her. speaking softly or deep eye contact is beautiful for establishing that security too. makes us feel, 'nothing can hurt me' =] @AlwaysBelieving

[AlwaysBelieving]

Yes. The funny thing is that I'd probably talk more about stuff than my future gal / s/o. You got pm

[tmlrm007]

tell her that you dont care what her body looks like and that you'll be there for the ups and downs.

i went througha similar thing and i had some do that and if it was wasn't for him i probably wouldn't be there.

[soccerchick4eva]

Just tell her what you pree much just put in that detail part "I honestly don't mind the scars and think she's gorgeous no matter what " :)

[Panzer103]

If they're disgusting whys she do em.

[e92brah]

great contribution you fucking retard

[e92brah]

and nice "about me" section on your profile loser what is this a dating match website

[Panzer103]

I make one minor comment and you go batshit crazy insulting me. I don't think you understand what tit for tat is. Get a life and stop checking everyone's profiles for ammo to attack them with XD

[Panzer103]

At any rate. Asker. Might as well tell her how she won't ever feel the need to get more as long as you're together. I hope this is nicer.

[Crazycat97]

Hey dude shut the fuck up bitch—————- you are so fucking dumb

[Anonymous]

Just be there for her