Am I overreacting by calling my boyfriend a pathetically insecure man child?

[feat_anuuu]

I've been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. He has a lot of trust issues because his ex cheated on him with his friend. He constantly asks me if I'm cheating on him or not, tells me that I'm not allowed to have guy friends and asks for confirmation every time I'm going somewhere with friends or parents. Today I was going to another city for a college interview and I told him that a day prior. I was texting him the entire time I was at the airport, and out of nowhere he asked me to send him a photo with my parents. I asked him what for and he said it was for his "personal satisfaction". I got irritated and he said " You know I'm insecure please I beg u". I got seriously pissed and told him to go F himself and that he's being a pathetic insecure man child because he can't trust me even after 2 years and I have nothing to do with what his ex did so I don't deserve to be punished for it. I'm seriously fed up of his extreme insecurity and have tolerated it for so log. So, am I wrong for lashing out?

[TommyMountainFigure]

The problem here is, neither of you truly knows how the other is feeling. I mean, you know what he's been through, and he knows you're not his ex. BUT, being cheated on can have devastating effects on someone, just as being accused of cheating can fill you with teeth gritting anger.

I was no older than you are now when I was cheated on, and I'll admit it affected me badly, so yes I can clearly visualise the torment and suffering he is going through. His mind is literally being torn to shreds by the raging battle he is fighting with. He wants nothing more than to believe and trust you, whilst having the morbid fear you will do the same to him as his ex did.

I know, I know. from your perspective, you've done NOTHING but assure him the whole time you've been together and he STILL doesn't trust you. I get it, honestly I do.

Unlike other people who say no that's a terrible thing you said to him. I get it, and he probably took more from hearing you say that than if you'd just put the phone down and said nothing,

I really have just one question for you:-

Despite the times when you go away, are you and he happy together? If so, then it's ok to let off steam at him when he gets like this. The problem is if you don't care for him. But, you can tell me that in a follow up if you wish!

[MzAsh]

Well, you are right. But it’s probably not the best idea to tell him that in those words. It sucks he was cheated on, but you absolutely should not have to pay for that, and that’s exactly what he’s doing to you. Because when does it end? If you keep letting him put you on a short leash because he has trust issues, it will never end.
This is why I recommend people heal from their past relationships before dating again. And yes it’s his responsibility to work through this… by himself.
I’d be putting my foot down if I were you. What are you prepared to do?

[TommyMountainFigure]

Do you not think that to be a bit harsh? Supposing if heaven forbid a woman is raped, is she not allowed to expect a bit of consideration from her next relationship? or is that all down to her to fix for herself too?

[MzAsh]

Well, consideration and empathy are absolutely important. But at the same time, it's essential for everyone to work on healing their past wounds so they don’t carry them into new relationships.
Both partners need to support each other, but also take responsibility for their own healing. This isn’t to dismiss anyone’s pain, but rather encouraging personal growth.

[TommyMountainFigure]

I get that it's important to work through any damages caused by a previous relationship before you can be ready for the next, but nobody REALLY knows how ready they are until they take that step. It was the reason I asked that young lady who asked the question if they are happy when they are together, because between them, if they really are solid in every other way, it will be something they can resolve.

[Aubrey97]

I can't imagine dealing with that for 2 years. I'd have shut this whole proving where I am constantly thing down like the first time. Perhaps you could have been a bit more delicate but if he has such trust issues, he shouldn't be in another relationship. If two years of not being cheated on hasn't facilitated moving on from his trust issues, then it's obviously going to take some other steps that are beyond anything you can do to help.

[Siri137]

Yes, he's a pathetically insecure man-child! Get rid of him, find another boyfriend, because otherwise this one is going to drive you crazy.

[laly520]

ending it would have been better than saying such words to him
to walk away from whats bothering u peacefully n calmly always works better than attacking with words

[slatyb]

Why are you still with him?

[Billlewis]

I don't think so.

[Velcron]

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