Am I overreacting about what he did?

[Anonymous]

About a year ago my boyfriend did something that apparently I haven’t been able to get over. It was the night of his birthday, I had planned a surprise party at our place and then we went out to the bars with all of his friends afterwards. This was my first time going out to bars with my boyfriend and unfortunately it was my last. I had never seen him get super drunk but I wanted him to feel free to because it was his birthday and he did, he got really drunk and the more drunk that he got the more aggressive he became, I can’t remember why but at one point towards the end of the night me and him end up splitting from the rest of the group, and then things took a turn. We were trying to find his car and in the midst he became increasingly frustrated and angry with me because I knew the way to the car but he insisted it was another way, to the point where he starts yelling at me and pushing me. At this point a firefighter at a station nearby hears him yelling at me in the street and ask me if I’m okay rightfully so. This sent him into a rage where he further yells and threatens to leave me where I’m at and he walks away from me at this point I’m crying but i catch up to him and then we catch up to the group. A couple of the girls ask why I was crying and he starts laughing in my face and making fun of me and calling me a joke. He said that he doesn’t remember any of this and it’s not fair to be mad at him because of something he doesn’t remember doing so I tried to drop it but ever since then I haven’t felt that safe around him and I don’t have the same trust in him. If he were angry towards everybody that night maybe it would’ve been different but It was just me and he was super nice to everyone else which makes it hurt worse. I get that everyone is different but I feel like I would never act that way towards someone I love drunk or not. Am I overreacting to feel so hurt by this? should I just let it go?

[DoggyDude]

In my experience, being drunk makes a person more suseptable to being depressed but also makes them less self controlled (meaning more likely to act the way they want to act without concern for other things).

So, you're not wrong to feel you can't let this go in my opinion. The correct loving response to a partner learning the did something drunk which hurt their partner is NOT to try to dismiss it, but to express genuine concern at the incident having happened, and say "if I was like that I'm so sorry. I would neer behave that way sober." and appologise. Even if they where not convinced it actually happend, or worried their partner may have fabricated it, they should acknowledge what you described was wrong and how they would seek to avoid it.

If that appology has happened, then you should be able to let it go, because you could then trust that he was upset by it having happened. I presume from your question that never happened?

His behaviour sounds defensive and irresponsible. Some people use drinking to basically have an excuse to behave in a socially reprehensible way (to have fights for example) that some people are willing to accept as "just the drink", but, in reality the drink is just an enabler allowing them to have fights and then afterwards pass that off as "the drink" (and not them).

So, my advice is, don't react to the event now (because in fairness maybe he doesn't genuinely recall it), instead react to how he managed learning of the event when you shared your concern regarding it (his first position should have been one of concern for you)

[boobliker]

now you have seen him at the bottom keep him away from beer or let him do it alone and stay at a hotel that night. and forgive or forget him ASAP

[petitedollbabee]

Not an overreaction. Yes he was drunk, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not allowed to feel the way that you’re feeling. Intoxicated or not, his behaviour was disgusting. I wouldn’t feel safe around someone if they acted that way when they were drunk. Being intoxicated does not take all responsibility away from their actions. I’m sorry you experienced that, that’s awful.

[Nikki1989]

No, I would be disgusted too.

[Avicenna]

Nah, that's really concerning