My boyfriend hurt my wrist (kind of long)

I'm sure this will sound stupid, but I'll try to explain it the best I can.

My boyfriend works 10 - 12 hour days and his job requires a lot of physical labor. He's been exhausted and stressed out lately. He came over after work to pick me up, then went to run a couple errands. He was extremely cranky and irritable when he picked me up, everything was making him angry or have an attitude.

On our way to get food, I changed the radio station because that stupid Gangnam Style song was on. He completely overreacted, yelled at me, pushed my hand away from the radio, and then put the song back on. I was kind of fed up with his attitude at that point so I got out of the car when he stopped at a stop sign.

I'm not denying that I didn't overreact by doing that, but this is where he started behaving totally out of line. He pulled over in a parking lot, started following me down the sidewalk. I was in the middle of calling my friend to pick me up, but my boyfriend took my phone and told the kid he would kick his ass if he picked me up.

My boyfriend had my phone, I asked him 50 times to give it back. He refused, so I tried to take it out of his pocket and he grabbed my wrist/hand really hard and twisted it, I guess. My wrist has been throbbing all night. I never thought he would do something like that.

He did apologize and he seemed to actually mean it, but the fact that he stole my phone and then physically hurt me, is kind of a concern. I'm not afraid of him but obviously I feel like I have to be more careful about what I do or say now, because I don't want him to react like that again.

I've always heard "if a man physically hurts you once, he will keep doing it and it will only get worse". Is that true in most cases or should I trust him not to do it again, since he has been super stressed about work and he seemed genuinely sorry?


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  • He probably just kind of strained your wrist a little bit by turning it farther than you would normally on any given day. I'd give it a day or two and if it doesn't feel better get it checked out. I had a fractured arm from my hand getting bent back too far and I was only able to rotate my wrist 90 degrees where normally I would be able to rotate 180 degrees. So if you are still able to rotate your wrist around the same as the other arm it's probably just sprained a little bit and not broken. I would be a little bit concerned about someone that takes his emotions out on others even though they have nothing to do with it. Imagine what he'll do to you if you were the actual reason for him being mad. Now this could have been just a fluke that he will learn from but like you said just kind of be more cautious next time.

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  • These are sure signs of a abusive person. If your asking this question then you have some fear dwelling inside you. To smack your hand away in anger for changing something as petty as a radio station is not only abusive but also controlling type behavior!

    Also the extreme anger to follow you and take your phone to keep you "quiet" is another bad sign of controlling issues. Yes he was doing that to protect himself and keep you from telling anyone. This is not a healthy relationship nor is it a normal way for a guy to act. Plus the threats towards your friend trying to help shows even worse controlling behavior.

    He WILL do it again. This is just the begining of a bad journey. NO MAN SHOULD EVER TOUCH A WOMAN WITH A ANGRY HAND! I hate the thought of you even considering staying with a abusive person but if you do make sure you have friends and family around anytime you see him. If he gets angry about you wanting to feel secure then he doesn't care about you.

    My advise leave and never look back. You need to find someone who will deserve you and he will learn that being abusive doesn't work no matter what made him angry.

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  • " I'm not afraid of him but obviously I feel like I have to be more careful about what I do or say now, because I don't want him to react like that again."

    What you're really saying here is that you ARE afraid of him. If you have to alter your behaviors in order to avoid a negative consequence, then that's not good.

    I have a feeling I might be in the minority here, but for me this could justify a break-up.

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  • If he was having a bad day, seeing you should have cheered him up. It didn't, he lashed out at you, and that's the kind of relationship you want to be in? You should think long and hard about continuing on with this, especially if him lashing out at you is any sort of pattern. The abuse will become a pattern too. I'm sure you already know if this is an isolated incident or has happened before with him acting like this.

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  • I don't believe just because someone gets physical one time that means that they will just keep doing it. I have known parents who struck their own children just one time, and never did it again. In fact it seems like it continues to bother the adult, far longer than it bothered the child.

    He was probably freaking out because of the way you were acting and was worried you might end up leaving him if he didn't resolve things right then and there. Not to sound like I am judging you, but I would say both of you made some pretty immature decisions. As a result the situation kept escalating more and more. I would try to find a way for you and your boyfriend to handle your stress better in the future. It may require him finding a new job that won't bring him as much stress.

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    • Please tell me how her removing herself from being hurt is immature? Tell me how her calling a friend to assist her from further avoiding anymore abuse is immature? Tell me how is it "ok" just once if he hurt her because he had a bad day at work? Yes he was freaking out because she was leaving him. Its called loosing control and he sounds like the type of person who needs to be in control... by what she has described. Abuse comes in more forms than just physical like mental abuse?

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    • I agree, I made some immature decisions and should have reacted a different way. I don't think my behavior is an excuse for what he did though.

    • I never said what he did was okay, or that he had the right to do that. Nor did I ever excuse his behavior by saying that it was okay, since it was caused by stress. That was not even the question that she asked. What she was asking, was that if someone does something like that ONE time, does it mean that it WILL happen again. I never even said that he would or would not do something like that again. I only said that sometimes people can make a mistake and learn from that mistake.

  • You gotta talk to him. Sit down and have a serious talk with him about wha is stressing him out so much. Try to get him to open up to you. Let him know you care about him that your there for him. Let him know how you feel about what happend that night. If his behavior gets worse you gotta get out for yourself. Talk to his friendsand family see if they can help him. I hope it gets better. Sorry you had to experience that.

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    • I tried to talk to him about it tonight and how I felt. He didn't want to talk about. He said "I apologized, which means I won't do it again". It also seemed like he was making up excuses for what he did. Saying "If you didn't get out of my car, I wouldn't have took your phone". He is also so sure that he didn't grab my wrist. I wouldn't make something like that up. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to leave him, but it concerns me that he is trying to twist it, to make it my fault.

    • Ok that's good you tried. If he isn't going to open up to you find someone who he can open up to. Talk to his friends maybe one of his best friends can help. If you have anyone else talk to him don't have them ask specificly about that night. Just have them check in talk to him see how he is doing and have them inform you on what he said. If they can't talk to him then go to his family. Since he won't talk about that night with you just try having a casual conversation. See how that goes.

  • The statement is true and if a guy did that to me I would sure dump his ass right then and there, no excuse.

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  • I was in a abusive relationship for 8 yrs. and its started out very similar to what you just described, please don't apologize for any of your actions/reactions! Also you don't need to defend yourself to all these other guys saying you over reacted or was immature... YOU DID THE RIGHT THING BY EXITING THE CAR AND TRYING TO GET AWAY! I lived in fear for the entire 8 years I was with him... I haven't been with him for almost 5 years now and I still catch myself being afraid of a very good man that would never hurt me! my advise get away from him before he breaks you completely down and makes you feel insecure in every relationship from here on out! there is a man out there that will cherish you for you attiudes and all! good luck and I hope you make the right decision

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  • He made some SERIOUS mistakes. Stealing your phone. Physically hurting you. I would leave him. He could have broken your wrist or torn your ligaments (I use to do jiu-jitsu). I hope you're not disabled. Ice it and take some ibuprofen. If it doesn't improve, then see a doctor, and have the abuser pay for your medical bills.

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    • My wrist is still bothering me tonight. If it isn't better after the weekend, I'll make sure I get it checked out (and have him cover the expenses). Thank you, I appreciate the help.

    • You're welcome, and I hope everything gets better and your wrist isn't too bad.

  • I am a firm believer in if a women is stupid enough to let a man hit her she is stupid enough to deserve it. First, if your boyfriend was so stupid and childish to get pissed off because you changed the radio station that he had to get angry and push your hand out of the way, when all he had to say was he wanted to hear that song. Then really what are you doing with him to start with. I would have gotten out of the car too, as far as you calling another guy to come get you that were stupid on your part. But should show that you shouldn’t be with him, if you called another guy to help you then maybe that’s the guy you should be with. It starts with yelling, then pushing, taking things away, threating their friends. But hey if you like it stay its your problem. But do us all a favor when he actually hits you, don’t call the cops because when it gets to that point your just going to keep going back, and it waste the cops time when they can actually be out helping someone who wants and needs the help.

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  • "if a man physically hurts you once, he will keep doing it and it will only get worse"

    You've heard correct these are the early stages of an abusive man. It begins with grabbing of the wrist and as time passes bruises and welts even scars. And they always say, "See what you made me do?" If you stay with him this attitude and behavior will only get worse. Most women stay with abusive men for different reasons that I don't understand. Find a real man that won't hurt you and will treat you better. Don't be like those other women who put up with it. My boyfriend treats me like a princess and if anyone hurts me he gets pissed. My boyfriend and I both come from abuse pasts but he was raised to treat women like queens and gets really ticked when he hears a man hit their woman or hurt her. There are two reasons I would ever break up with a any guy and one of those is abuse. I told my boyfriend that in a discussion we were having and he likes that I wouldn't put up with it. I told my boyfriend the day any man lays a hand on me is the day I'm going to put them on their ass. My boyfriend laughed and said that's because you're to stubborn and hot headed to ever let that happen and besides anyone touches you I'll beat their ass.

    Dump him and find a REAL MAN their rare but they exist. You deserve better

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  • Now that he's put his hands on you, if it were me I'd think long and hard rather you should continue with the relationship.

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  • Sounds like a sociopath or psychopath. These people are expert liars. The stealing of your phone was to mine for information, he was acting jealous. Sociopaths do not feel real human emotion. He is attractive to you because you have a weak will, and you are easy to manipulate. These people suffer from chronic boredom and are only interested in one thing: Playing the game and hurting the people they are closest to.

    He seems genuinely sorry because he's an expert at faking humanity. The radio station changing, you threatened his control of you. He had the violent outburst because of that. He doesn't love you or anyone besides himself, sociopaths are incapable of that.

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    • I disagree. We've been together for a year and has never even yelled at me before. Normally, he's very caring and relaxed. I'm not excusing his actions, but I honestly think his work is just really stressing him out and that's what caused his outburst.

      I will admit, I did sacrifice a lot in the beginning of our relationship. Gave up drinking and I don't really spend time with anyone besides him and my family, but he is a recovering addict and I used to go to parties and get reckless in the past.

    • You are making excuses for him though. Sociopaths are quite skilled at acting human. But when their control is threatened, they have angry outbursts. This guy sounds like garden-variety psychopath.

  • You were invading his personal space with the phone thing.

    Everything go blown out of proportion between you two.

    You got physical against him with the grabbing so I presume it was a knee-jerk reaction for him to grab your wrist. I doubt it was intentional for him to hurt you.

    Just be wary that you're not putting on a bitch attitude around this. You seem to entirely discount your own actions and entirely condemn his. Tread carefully.

    You were both in the wrong.

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    • Is this a joke? Did you even read the whole story?

      First of all, I never denied being wrong and I realize I may have overreacted by getting out of his car. But he took MY phone and didn't give it back when I asked him over and over. So I tried taking it out of his pocket, which is when he grabbed wrist.

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    • Hah! I didn't actually read that part. My badddd.

    • Yeah, apologies QA.

      I'm thinkin' my answer is a little on the harsh side.

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