My boyfriend play hits me and now my wrist is hurt. Abuse?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a guy for around 5 months and we really get along. He works out every day and is very strong and a large human, 10% body fat. He's also a recovering alcoholic and been 7 years sober. In the mornings when we wake up, he likes to play hit me. I thought it was cute but it actually hurts and sometimes I have red marks from where he's slapped me. He puts his hand over my face and pretends to suffocate me or will move my head around. He'll play wrestle me and get on top of me. He'll take a pillow and hit me on the face really hard with it, like having a pillow fight, but it hurts. Sometimes I scream because I'm playing along but other times I scream because he's actually hurting me. There's lots of laughing during this so it seems in good fun and not that he's actually trying to hurt me. He bent my wrists down really hard and now I have a cyst on my hand from the hurt tendon and my hand hurts to move. When I yell to stop, he stops. Now that my hand has been hurt, I told him I don't want to play fight anymore. Do you think this was just him being too rough with me or early signs of abuse?

[Anonymous]

Yeah no this is abusive. Sure it might have been on accident but he didn’t seem to listen when you wanted him to stop?


The biggest red flag is how he leaves you bruises randomly without even asking for consent and by the way does he even show any sympathy to you?


Wrist injuries suck a lot and I’m very careful with those when I’m with a girl. It’s one thing to ask for consent and slap a girls ask hard while asking if it’s ok bc it’s out of site and won’t lead to anything long term.


A wrist injury? That’s absolutely awful. I love to work out and sprained my wrist plus got an overuse injury and it ruined my life for a year it sucked. Id be pissed if a girl injured my wrist like that again. You need to tell him what he is doing is not ok and probably leave. The suddenness of how he hits you hard is a bit alarming and if you told him your wrist Burt’s he should be feeling very bad and caring for you. Most good guys if their girlfriend is very hurt bc of them will feel awful and care for her.

[Wsx2wsx2ws]

Ya you need to straiten that crap out. Have a safe word. It needs to be clear you are getting hurt. THEN if he keeps it up its time to walk and not say a word till you are somewhere safe.
I have hurt people and not known it. Then I am cut to the core when I realize. That should be a basic instinct in everyone.
I want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. but only for a second longer.

And listen I understand people improving themselves. All for that. But if you are not a road worker then stay out of the way while they improve the road. Give him safe space to do the same.

[Dinklex3]

As someone who also loves playfighting, I think its fair to communicate your feelings.
Laughing and playing it off may cause confusion. He probably thinks its okay.
I was with a gym rat too. He was huge.
But I'm tiny af so he was always super careful.
He's never slapped me in the face though, or pretended to suffocate me. Thats a huge nono and weird af (to each their own).

So, I'd set boundaries with him first and have a real conversation. I think it's possible he was just being too rough. But if you don't feel safe and don't like play fighting then maybe consider splitting.

[Espresso-Grande]

If you laugh and go along with it, he'll assume you're into rough play too. I wouldn't consider it abuse by what you've said here. It's just what he's into

It would be best to talk to him about it. Tell him not to be so rough, or tell him it's not what you like

[Phoenix98]

Given the information you provided I don’t think he meant any harm or was trying to hurt you.

Guys like to rough play sometimes and we don’t always realize how much more stronger we are compared to ya’ll.

like for example I used to play fight and spar with a buddy of mine we use to randomly throw punches at each other and start stuff and another buddy and me basically verbally abuse and talk shit about each other on a daily basis but that’s how we bond.

[dreamstar72]

This is abuse plain and simple. It is an abusive form of power and hate that will get worst. Be a wise one and leave him NOW not tomorrow. Even if he says he won’t do it again say “ sorry never I’m gone.”
You deserve better find a nice one Good luck
by the way leave him

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s abuse. Men like to rough house as a way of showing affection. We do the same w our boys. I don’t go tell my bro I love him, I show it by screwing w him or rough housing. He may not realize it hurts you because you haven’t said a word. Maybe talk to him. If he continues to do it then I’d go from there as to wondering whether he really is abusive.

[TommyMountainFigure]

You've told him no more fighting.. If he for whatever reason it starts up again further down the line? then yes you have a problem!

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Yeah, if it hurts you and you don't like it, it isn't play.

You're normalized to being hit. Get out

[Twalli]

My girlfriend and I play fight too. If it hurts we stop. I don't think he was trying to hurt you.

[Imsmurter1]

He sounds nuts like psycho no thanks

[Kim7mik]

Why did he

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's abuse