My boyfriend defended another girl who was nasty to me. Is it unreasonable to be bothered by this?

[Anonymous]

Long story short, I was telling my boyfriend of about six months about a classmate of mine who became really nasty towards me during a uni class because I took a different position on a hypothetical, politically controversial law (this was for a mock ambassador meeting, so I was only advocating for the position I was supposed to in my assigned role). She even called me a “bitch” to someone else while I was nearby. It frustrated me so I called her a “clown” when telling the story to my boyfriend.

To my surprise, my boyfriend took me calling her a clown personally and told me that he would appreciate if I didn’t call her that. I was confused and said she was acting like one, and so he doubled down and said that I shouldn’t be calling her any names because he knows her and she’s always been “kind and professional” to him. Now, to my knowledge him and this girl have been nothing more than friendly acquaintances/classmates, so I found this really odd. I told him it was rude of him to defend her when he’s with me and she was treating me poorly. He didn’t yield, insisting that he wasn’t trying to say what she did was okay but that me calling her a name was simply an unattractive thing for me to do.

Fast forward several months later and I noticed he is still liking her cute Instagram photos (selfies and what not) and I want to tell him how this how this makes me mad but I don’t know if I’m overreacting. I know some people think the whole my enemies are your enemies thing is silly but I can’t help but feel really putt off with him not defending me, his girlfriend (and this is about the 3rd time he’s done something like this, but with other people).

Thoughts?

[btbc92]

Asker, that relationship is over. When a man does all of those signs, it means he has an interest in that woman. He defended her calling you a B, which means he thinks the same way about you. He just isn't telling it to you directly. You calling her a clown is a bit childish and he has a point on that. I understand where the high morals come from because I hold the same morals. However, his intentions clear. He wants the other girl. Not you. And it's best you move on before you get seriously hurt than you are now. That guy is going to cause more suffering for you and it's clear he is not being truthful to you. While it is possible your behavior is a turn-off for him and you're driving him away from you, it is clear that he's not for you. And you're just going to get hurt by that. While nobody should just defend you just because of who you are, when your wrong, you're wrong, and when you right, you right. In reality, BOTH you and this woman were wrong. And he chose to take her side over you is enough to send alarm bells. His liking those pictures say a lot. A loving partner would try to console you even try to talk it out after chastisement or argument. He's looking at another girl. Shows whose attention he is giving. Just walk. You owe him no explanation for leaving that relationship. It looks like he may want to get with her anyway.

I have never been in a relationship, but I had experienced a similar situation somebody tried on here. And that is how I learned a great deal about guys like that. They bring heartache. He has feelings for her. That is why he is protecting her, and you don't need to be with that. The intent is clear. Which is why I stay away from those types of men. You want somebody who can respect you. When you're wrong, you're wrong, and as an adult, you should know better. Period. Your again and ADULT, NOT a teenager. What will that say to others about you when he is with you? That you're a type of woman who will embarrass him in public, which is why women were expected to keep their statues about her and bite her tongue. He is supposed to be a head over you, especially when married. But if he is checking out another woman, it says a big deal and you cannot respect a person like that.

[blindedd]

I don't think you're overreacting about this.
I think he should have defended you, since you're his girlfriend and someone was being rude to you.
And he has done this multiple times? I wouldn't want to be put in that situation.

[hahahmm]

No. He has feelings for her and he isn't boyfriend material. Also you haven't spent enough time figuring out who you really are so you will settle for low level guys and not be sure how to react when situations like this occur. Checkout my MyTakes if you're interested in traditional (respectful) relationships.

[Question_091]

You're were only reacting to what she said. Even though she was out of line, it doesn't excuse you calling her that.

I'm 100% on your side, but how would the situation turn out if you didn't saying to her and walked out, and told him that? Do you think he would have defended her then?

[Asker]

I must not have written this clearly. I didn't say anything to the girl. I wasn't nasty to her at all, nor did I even acknowledge her nasty behavior towards me. I called her a clown to my boyfriend and my boyfriend only. And he got mad that I called her a clown to him.

[Question_091]

Oh, okay. I thought you called her a clown to her face. My mistake.

But yeah, that is odd for him to respond that way if that was the case.

[ryckrohan]

I was coming here to tell you to stop overreact. After reading everything I think you should even dump him. You're not overreacting he is being shady.

[Aether1]

You're being upset is very well justified. You should be mad!

[Twalli]

How is he not defending you? He didn't say that she was justified or okay saying that thing about you.

[FlowerSeeds]

He's not defending her he's being a f*cking asshole

[ManHater]

blah blah blah... Women issues... What does your feminism say?

[FlowerSeeds]

BREAK UP WITH HIM EWWWWW HE'S AN ASSHOLE

[MandyMaiden31]

Thats embarrassing and shows disrespect