Why do bullies play the victim and never admit to their actions?

[Anonymous]

I know this girl, who is a huge bully. She bullied my best friend by calling her names (about her physical appearance), talks about people behind their backs calling them “losers” and “weird”, and she slept with another friend’s boyfriend trying to convince him to break up with my friend. She puts people down all the time, makes fun of people and is generally a not nice person at all.

But when this girl is confronted about her behaviour or someone stands up for themselves, she ALWAYS starts crying and sobbing, runs to her boyfriend or whoever and says “why are they being so mean to me and accusing me of something I didn’t do. Why are they overreacting I didn’t do anything?” She even used to sob to me trying to gain sympathy about my own friends. She always plays the victim and lies, saying she didn’t do these things when she did.

What causes some bullies to act out like this and never take accountability for their actions? She continues to bully people by the way, even after her crying sessions.

[Meropatrick]

I remember one time a girl bullied me. So i went up to her and asked her why did u do this, her clique stood up for her defending her. Calling me names. Telling me i am projecting. She didn't even defend herself. And there i told her u r a bully and she burst out crying and denied she is a bully. This girl was a teen but she cried like a baby. Bullies are very weak on the inside very fragile. They cannot face anything even accountability. They thrive on weak people and only then they feel strong. They use a clique against their victim who is usually more psychologically strong than them but outnumbered. They created a fake reality with this to imagine that they r strong and in control. So a bully would never admit they r wrong. Bcs once they admit that they lose this whole invincibility image

[Meropatrick]

Also if they admit they r wrong they will lose their clique. Who r their only strength. And think they r on the good side

[milesy67]

She sounds like she has some emotional fragility, hence the crying, so you can empathise with her. It doesn't excuse her actions though. Usually people who are harsh on others and hurting inside. She's probably acting out of what she thinks is self-defence, which is why she thinks she's a victim.

[Asker]

Great answer, thank you! I was bullied in school and this all makes sense. They never cried though, only rallied their friends around to help them. I agree that empathy is important!!

[Valdemort]

This is the only answer that actually honestly considers an explanation to the behaviour.

But as someone who has been on both sides: yes, it often has to do with hurting themselves. Either because of familial situations or because of how they are treated by others in general.

I've been a dickhead, because I was treated like a dickhead and thought that was how people would like me. Because it seemed that others were liked for it. Clearly I didn't fit in, never. But after years, instead of trying to belong, I just remained faithful to my own awkward being and that's been a tremendous help.

People want a sense of belonging and that can either result in trying to be the greatest empath, or the most ignorant opportunist. Both are debatable.

Some people grow out of it and try to better themselves, some will never learn to take responsibility.

[catarecute]

because you can't change people. you should accept that now or it might cause you problems in the future. i am nearly thirty and learned this the hard way. you can't change anyone apart from yourself so if someone is toxic stay away from them and if someone sleeps with your boyfriend asks yourself if she didn't do you a favour for showing u who ur boyfriend really is.

[Guccigabbana18]

People don't like to take accountability for their actions-- everyone is the hero in their own story, unless they genuinely take an effort to self-reflect

[Filthy_Immigrant]

dude ALL bullies act this way.

deep down bullies are nothing but loser victims themselves with sky high complexity that need to project their flaws on others because its the only way they can ever feel better about themselves.

[Vegasrunner]

This is standard female behavior. Most women rarely take responsibility for their actions.

[holdem4884]

Because like Trump, most bullies are extremely insecure narcissists. They are too weak to admit fault or take responsibility.

[milesy67]

True. Trump is the ultimate example of this

[Tharithi]

Exactly u sound like every thing u said in the post

[Billlewis]

I've been bullied quite frequently, and I haven't experienced this.

[Kingofkings1992]

That’s a bit of a generalization is it not? That’s like asking “why do people who commit crimes never turn their life around?” Anytime you use the words never or always when referencing a group of people, your argument has no leg to stand on.

[ProbablyClueless]

Because no one wants to feel like they're a gigantic asshole

[Wise4myage]

Because they are in denial, or they just don't care.

[blueonblack22]

A lot of them are sociopaths.

[RavVid]

Because it helps them getaway with it.

[sheikalana]

They're unstable.

[Iron_Man]

She’s got bad character

[Fuentes]

Sounds like a full blown narcissist

[DreamLife7]

You need to grow up