Would you date someone with a dark past?

Growing up I didn't always have the easiest life.
When I was 17 my life turned upside down,
Life kept throwing constant blows my way.
Family issues, some abuse, and relationship issues.
I fell into depression for a couple of years.
I'm now 23. Trying to change my life for the best.
Went back to college (Started last year)
I did gain some weight because of my depression
But I've been hitting the gym for 2 months now.
Seeing results *Yay* :)

I got out of a serious relationship like 8 months ago.
I'm kind of scared to start dating, because of my past.
Also I'm embarrassed that I haven't finished college
and because I gained weight.
I'm thinking all of this is going to be a problem
when I start dating, or finding a decent guy.

My last relationship lasted 5 years.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Listen, Anon, your past doesn't make you who you are. If the guy is worth anything, he'll appreciate you for who you ARE, not a bunch of things that happened in the past. I'm not going to inquire what went on during that "dark time," but we've ALL had and done stuff that we're not very proud of. However, our past doesn't define us.

    These bad aspects of your past aren't something you should up and bring up with him first time meeting him. Share what you're comfortable with him, and maybe some day in the future, you can tell him about all that bad stuff, but you really aren't obligated to share ANY of that stuff with him.

    You're you, and that's what's important :)

    ... and furthermore, your weight doesn't affect who you are as a person either. And I didn't finish college till I was 27 and my wife still married me anyways ;)

    • In all honesty I am terrified of dating, I've seem to run into guys who are really shallow.
      & I feel like I need to explain why I am behind in school because of my past.
      When I do share it seems like they don't really care, or taken back by it.
      (Maybe they're just assholes)

      That's awesome! :)
      thank you for your kind words.

    • I always tell people to establish a friendship with the guy first BEFORE you date him. That way, you don't get some shallow dude who doesn't accept you. Furthermore, you're under no obligation to date, so if you don't want to, you don't have to. Just keep living your life, trying to leave the world a better place than you found it, even in some small way, and I wish you well wherever that takes you :)

    • I prefer to be friends with someone first.
      Thank you so much! For your wise words.
      You've made great valid points.
      I don't feel pressured now:)
      I'll try to make the world a better place.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • First thing I need to tell is that my sexiest friend is over weight. Yet her sexiness factor is amazing! Second thing is just remember to ALWAYS finish what you start. You WILL finish college! Third thing is I want you to start to have a positive self-image. The past is the past. It can be painful recovering from a realtionship of 5 years. Take the positives from that relationship and use your experience to find another man. I haven't found my perfect mate yet but he/she is out there for both you and me. Don't give up. When you look in the mirror in the morning I want you to say these words "If it is to be it's up to me!" Believe in yourself and love yourself. Your question has only the negatives in it. (that is why we come here rignt so I get it.) Just trust yourself and believe in you first. It's family first, then you first always!!! When you look in that mirror please remember to remind yourself that you are truly a great and beautiful person. Don't live in the past. Move forward! He is out there. FYI: He is looking for you too!! Good luck and hope this helps :)

    • haha thanks! This made me smile :)
      You're so positive!

    • I try to be when I can. If it"s right it's right RIGHT! Just make sure you take care of you first always. I want to remind you the sexiest and bestie friend of mine is an over weight girl and she is just the best!!!

  • I can understand you being a little self conscious about your past. But from what you have written it is not dark at all.
    The abuse/ family issues you may have observed or even been a part of to an extent. But unless you were the person initiating all of this. It was beyond your control.

    So you gained some weight. But you are going to the gym to help lose it.
    You didn't finish college. But you have started back.

    You're pretty good from where I stand. You've had some rough spots (who hasn't). But you've taken control and you're putting the past behind you and working for tomorrow. :-)

    If a guy thinks any of this is a problem and won't date you. Don't worry about it. He's not someone you want to date.

    • Yeah a lot of my past has to do with my family, and abuse and control
      I lost about 4 family members within a 2 year period. Which was devastating.

      I'm just really trying to move forward with my life.

      Yeah that is something I need to keep in mind.
      I shouldn't date someone who has a problem with my past.

  • Keep up with the gym.

    Most men will date any girl, so long as they aren't obese, old or a single mum.

    Men aren't picky like women, they won't care about your past.

    As a young woman you have the dating game easier than anyone else, relax, enjoy it, you'll be fine.

    • Thank you for the tips. :)

  • Of course. It reflects nicely on you to have struggled so much, but still be able to better yourself.


What Girls Said 1

  • I would definitely date someone with a dark past, I think it's best not to judge if you don't want to be judge so I just remain in the clear.

    And besides sweetie your past isn't dark, you've just had a few bumps in the rode but you can over come them and by the looks of it your mostly there (x. Even if you had a dark past. I doubt a guy would judge you especially if he loved you.