Would you date a good person with an awful past?

Question

Met a guy and he told me in the past he used to be in a life of crime. It’s extremely unsettling. But he seems nice. But I don’t want to talk to him ever again.

I still think when you’re in that kind of lifestyle, you never walk away from it, and you will still have enemies and by being with him, I’d have a target on my back. I’ve been trying to ghost him and he keeps messaging me and I feel bad but I feel like he’s a liability at this point.

Lost_in_the_Woods · Accepted Answer

My best friend got in a toxic relationship where the guy started injecting her with heroin in her sleep (/when she was passed out from drinking)

She had a really terrible childhood and really didn't know how to have healthy relationships, just that she had to find somewhere away from her dad as soon as she was 18.

Almost 10 years later that addiction had spiraled to being associated with murderers and gang members, selling herself for drugs, all sorts of bad stuff. She lied to me and used me for money and hurt me so badly.

But she has been sober almost 10 months now and she is doing so much better. She has always had a good heart. She just didn't know how to deal with all the terrible bad things that happened to her.

Jesus changes people and brings them back from the dead. She still has to show me that she really wants to live a healthy and happy life and is willing to work for that and give up the things that don't fit into that.

But yes absolutely I'll give her another chance.

I don't believe anyone really wants to live as a criminal. People get hurt or desperate and they don't know what to do. Yes, we have to be cautious and say "okay, this is someone who has delt with problems in the wrong way in the past." And not put ourselves in a dangerous situation. But of course people can change.

A lot of murderers and gang members end up running charity's and having great lives with beautiful family's. A lot of people really make it out of that life and end up living the one they really wanted all along.

If he was honest with you he probably isn't trying to harm you. People who are trying to do bad things don't usually tell anyone about their mistakes. He's probably used to being judged and turned down and he doesn't want you to find out later and leave. So he told you the truth at the start.

It's really up to you. If you aren't comfortable then it probably wouldn't be a good relationship. But our past mistakes don't decide who we are. I focus on who people are today. Good or bad, the past isn't as important as the future.

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

No. Your past matters. I wouldn't date someone who murdered someone with no good reason. I wouldn't ever respect a rapist. I wouldn't date a girl that spread her legs for every cute guy she came across back in the day. It doesn't matter how long ago it was. There's such a a thing as accountability.

I'm a strong believer in consistency in people. I don't think that people who were bad in the past and turn over a new leaf later in life deserve the same as someone who was consistentlyngood throughout their lives.

Imagine a scenario where a serial killer has raped women then killed them after. He did that to women over the course of 50 years. Then he changes as a person entirely. Does that mean he deserves the same as someone who was consistently kind to people the year he changes as a person?

I think people who believe "It's not about who they were. It's about who they are." are delusional people that don't understand the concept of accountability and have likely done stuff in the past they're not proud about themselves. That's why they relate with those people. Because they're one themselves.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I was entertaining the idea a few years ago. My friend introduced me to this guy who was literally THE perfect gentleman. He always made me feel like I was well taken care of. His family was amazing and so loving and welcoming. I enjoyed how driven he was in life and how much he cared for his son. My friend did let me know he had a sketch past before I met him.

When he finally talked about it, he let me know as a teen he was heavy into a gang lifestyle. As far as he told me, the violence never got beyond beating people up, and he was never arrested, but he did a lot of petty crimes, sold drugs, etc. Under his long sleeves he revealed some requisite gang tattoos and all of that.

I just couldn't go through with anything official after that outside of just being friends. I just feel like you never know if someone maybe recognizes him and wants to file charges, or some enemy comes back one day to get revenge. One huge thing in my life is needing to feel safe after some past issues with a stalker, and I don't think I ever could get to that point around him.

Sunnysunny123 · Accepted Answer

Depends on what they have done actually there are stuff you van go through and there are stuff that you just can't live with. Not everyone but people that really want to do change i turned my life upside down but as i said therw are tolerable things but some of them are not.

Finchie40 · Answer

Yes apparently I do , all my exes had horrible pasts that they tried using on me , for their selfish actions when I busted them red handed lying to me or betraying me behind my back. They always used it as an excuse like that’s the reason they did what they did , They would say I’m sorry it’s because my Mom treated me like this or my Dad didn’t want any part of me blah blah blah , it’s nothing but excuses. Because I had a horrible past as well , but I don’t take it out on anyone I give my heart to. So she becomes my ex , If you can’t move on from your past and put it behind you , do not get into a relationship with anyone because you aren’t going to be their present and future if you can’t let go of the past period. Go seek counseling before you consider fucking with someone’s heart

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I dated a woman who, on the third date, voluntarily disclosed that about ten years previously, she had supported herself by prostitution. I actually already knew about it but had not said anything so that she would have an opportunity to disclose it voluntarily. I gave her a chance and I ultimately broke up with her for reasons unrelated to her history.

uncleBobbyb77 · Answer

Look if someone has been down those rougher, darker roads then first there's a much better chance they actually have a good measure of themselves and of truly knowing how to be formidable. If you've never put yourself into some genuinely challenging, dangerous situations then you really have no idea of how strong or weak you truly are. If he has the ability of truly being a monster but has chosen not to be one and chooses to keep that part of him in check and only use ot to defend good then (in the words of Dr Jordan Peterson) he is truly a virtuous man. A man incapable of causing real harm to others isn't a virtuous man because he lives in a quiet, peaceful, respectful manner, he's just weak. A man who can unleash hell, reign fury, and wreak havoc but chooses to live in a quiet, peaceful, respectful, loving manner and to only act monstrous when defending his family, friends, and those whom are good but too weak to defend themselves is the kind of man that knows and exhibits true honor, loyalty, humility, sensibility, strength, and resourcefulness.
I am no saint, but I am a man with a conscience and if I do something that bothers my conscience then I do my best to make reparations and to not cross those lines again. A man with a sordid past is a man that knows what he's made of and if he's trying to leave that past behind him and live right should he have to suffer and pay for his past mistakes for the rest of his life? Does not everyone deserve the chance to do right by that which he has done wrong before? I'm not saying he's definitely trustworthy and safe to date.. I don't know the guy, but I am saying it's possible that because of his past he is better equipped to truly appreciate and protect the quieter, softer things in life

blueonblack22 · Answer

Depends on how long they have been clean.

Big difference with someone who got out that lifestyle 10+ years ago vs. just 6 months ago.

Some people make mistakes in their lives but grow up and get out of it. Other people are career criminals sadly.

Oncewildtwiceburned · Answer

He keeps messaging you? Thats some messed up crap. If I barely know and am not related to a woman, especially a woman around my age and younger I wouldn’t do that. If they are smart it should scare them when a guy does that. Bro is not well. People get locked up for drinking and driving, maybe some other things that be categorized as accidents or misfortune but a life of “crime”. Bro is not well, and now he’s harassing you like a crazy fool

razelove · Answer

No, hell no. I'd have serious reservations about even hitting it. I don't even have to look at the answers to know most of the women are saying something like "of course I wouldn't... but..."

Vinegar attracts more flies than honey.

SvenTree · Answer

Almost certainly not. The most reliable way to tell what a person will do in the future, is looking at what that person has done in the past. On some occasions, people do make massive changes, but you shouldn't make your own future depend someone else's capacity of change.

Kaneki05 · Answer

On some part one judges their actions but in more cases than not to me it's for sure more how do they act towards me is the thing I care about the most.

okiv98 · Answer

As somoene who used drugs before and has a criminal record for assault I feel id be a hypocrite if I wouldn't ate somebody with a bad past at all. I dont think I could be with somoene who'd behaved morally terrible though (like selling heroin) or taking advantage of an old person, abusing a child etc.

DrPepper12 · Answer

I was even looking at this from a different perspective. At your age you can do much much better even if he didn't have a criminal past and was just shady.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Probably not, but I might. Depends on what exactly the past was, whether I got the impression things had genuinely changed, and what reassurances I had that her past wouldn't return.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I would never ask about his or her past to start with. It is really none of my business.

Lliam · Answer

It depends on what they had been involved with and had done.

paledreams · Answer

Nope, I'm out there as a groovy guy and a bit whacky esccentric , yet a woman with a criminal past that's downright scary

Phoenix98 · Answer

Depends how bad but overall I'm not really in a position to judge as I don't exactly have a spotless past either.

exitseven · Answer

people can change but the world will not forget. He will have a hard time finding a goodjob snd will have a tough life.

SeekerOfTruth007 · Answer

There's no such thing as a good person with an awful past.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Yes. I care about who she  is , not who she  was .

Staximus · Answer

That depends on what she did. If she did fucked up shit to people then no. If she was a meth addict, no.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

"It doesn't matter where you start, it matters where you finish" - Daniel Trejo

noohair · Answer

I am a good man with an awful past. Try a man that is an asshole and then you might get a perspective on what good is.

Anonymous · Answer

is the past just the past or does the past actually matter?

Anonymous · Answer

Women generally do not change who they are at their core. If she's got a bad past you need to be highly suspicious of her.

Account · Answer

No. I am too tired.

OddBeMe · Answer

I keep telling everyone I was acquitted.

CaliGirl1995 · Answer

Possibly if we clicked.

strateguy632 · Answer

2nd.

Anonymous · Answer

Only if they took Ozempic

Agape93 · Answer

Depends

Slim57 · Answer

Nope

Would you date a good person with an awful past?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Would you date someone with a rough past?

Would you date a good person with an awful past?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Would you date someone with a rough past?

We're glad to see you liked this post.