It's so stupid, e beliefs in this perfect little world everyone believes in, why do they, the world is awful, plain and simple, there's nothing good in it, hell, even I know I'm an awful person. I've tried liking every other girl I've seen, I've tried forcing myself to, I even tried hurting myself so I could use the pain as an incentive, but it still failed. I don't care how many other stupid girls there are, I don't care about college or it's stupid adventures, I won't love any other girl like I loved her, I'd end my own life to feel that rush again. I don't believe in any dream girl for me, if there is one, I hate her, if only out of spite, she'd be just another silly girl thinking she could win my affection, and I'd be an idiot practically taking pills to force myself to love her, love is such a pathetic lie, is it not. I especially hate Caucasian girls most of all, I despise them, they are so utterly shallow. I hate them for me being attracted to them, and I hate their stupid standards, always white and blonde.
I don't even know what to do, I don't even know why I asked this, I'm guessing for advice, I don't know, it doesn't matter, I can't even love anymore, there is no hope, go on, try to help me, I can't be helped.
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