I played too hard to get for too long and now he's gone! Help?

[Anonymous]

How do I get him interested again? I have strong feelings for him. But I was trying to play the "game" to win him over!! I realized too late he was actually already interested in me.

Updates

+1 y

Hi. I did it because it made me feel wanted and special. What I didn't know was that he was liking me in spite of the games! sigh. And I thought it was the games that was drawing him in. If that makes sense.

[Paris13]

Some guys, sweetie, Deserve to be treated like they need to climb up a tree and Fight to grab the juiciest apple at the Top. This guy, with his own disposition of Being----was liking me in spite of the games. And in spit of your head 'Games,' he still hung on there, but somehow you most likely got carried away with the Chase And now are crying a bushel of tears.
Yes, it 'makes sense,' but All may not be lost. This is one of the few rare gems who didn't need a lot of being put on your pay no mind list.
The most you can do to perhaps get him back into the running, is have a talk with him, explain yourself, and invite him to hang out some nite.
I agree there are guys out there who Get what they have coming when it comes to playing their own Games, but this one was probably a Keeper in his own right. To Play it safe from now on, just go light and semi sweet until you find out if they Appear to be this Bad Adam's Apple.
Good luck. xx

[Asker]

Thank you for understanding! I was trying to see what kind of person he was. And through all of that, I found out he saw right through my games and thought it was cute at first. But I did get carried away with it and he grew tired of it. Now look where I'm at :( I hope he will give me a chance again. But I'm having my doubts. I can't blame him. Which makes me want him even more!! Omg what did I do! I feel sick.

[Paris13]

I do understand, and even with having Someone In our clutches, being a couple, we can tend to treat them bad too... I learned a lesson in That myself... Try and contact him... And if no luck, it was a lesson well learned... Relax this weekend and take time for you, it will be okay... You are most welcome... xxxooo

[Asker]

Thank you again !! I will contact him. Buty You're right, it's time to pull out the chick flics.. It's going to be a long weekend! and thank you for the xoxoxo :) btw, what happened in your relationship if you don't mind me asking? did you play games too?

[Paris13]

i married a man from Egypt a few years ago, and things went a bit sour out there... When I returned to the states, we continued out marriage online, however I retaliated with the things tha thappened over there and ended up cheating on him, playing head games, lost my family over it over there and now we because of many other things that put a monkey wrench in things, such as me not being there right now (Got worse as u know in the Middle East) we are Possibly broke up for good now. He really loved me so much, but with the problems that went on with just a lot of things, I never really forgot it. Take time for yourself, try and contact him.. Maybe with time, he will come around... xxxooo

[Asker]

wow! that is a lot. thank you for sharing all that. And I hope you're right. I won't make the same mistake twice.

[Paris13]

We all live and learn by our mistakes... Just one of life's little lessons.. I'm fine, thank you:)) xx

[abzence]

All these games. So annoying.

You have little chance of making him interested again. Every time you played your little games he thought "ooh crap, not this bs again. Alright, I'll give her one more chance to prove that she really isn't like this". And finally he just thinks, screw this, it's not worth it.

Every time a girl plays such games a piece of the attraction dies. Maybe such things work when you are fourteen but eventually you grow tired of such games and want someone genuine who doesn't waste your time playing mind games.

You will probably come across as flaky and all this hot and cold stuff if you all of a sudden stopped all these games and become genuine with him. He will probably just think this is another of your games.

[Asker]

thank you for your comment. Everything you said is exactly what I suspect is happening now. :( I might have to chalk this up as a lessoned learned. Is there anything I could do to turn it around at this point?

[abzence]

If this happened recently I would say it's really hard to reverse. Because like I said, if you all of a sudden become genuine with him he will just think this is another part of your game and he will be expecting that you pull the carpet away under his feet at any time. He simply doesn't trust you, to put it bluntly.

And as you know, regaining trust in someone can be hard once it's lost.
His trust can of course be regained but I think it will take time and it requires you to be consistent in your behaviour and remove all tendencies of what may be considered flaky or this hot/cold behaviour.

[Asker]

it happened now 34.5 days ago. that's how long he's been away from me. I'm so sad. :( I definitely do not want to come off as flaky or any do any more games. You're right, I have to be consistent and gain his trust. Should I just leave him alone for awhile longer? Or do you think it's been long enough to try again?

[abzence]

I think those 34.5 days could be enough time if you haven't had any contact during that time. If you are going to start up things again with him you need to set the tone differently. Be frank, be genuine, say what you think and feel and stop keeping him guessing.

Some women think the whole keeping them guessing thing will make them seem more interesting or mysterious when it usually just makes the guy confused or annoyed. Guys don't like complicated women who doesn't say what they think but instead expect the guy to be a mind reader. If you have such behaviour, stop that.

So I guess the word to remember is genuine. If you stay that way then maybe there is a chance.

[Asker]

Yes, it's been no contact at all. I did think guys like mysterious girls. Normally, I'm an open book! Which is so ironic! I'm baffled by my own behavior actually. I'm just going to be myself and say what I think and feel from now on. I will be genuine. I'm tired of these games. It's not worth this pain and losing someone potentially good for me. :(

[abzence]

There is of course always exceptions from the rule but I would say that men generally like simplicity and being mysterious is not simple.

Women on the other hand often like the allure of mysterious men and it's easy to think that the other gender would have the same preference as yourself. Being mysterious allows you to build up your own fantasies in your head about that person, you fill in the blanks about how you think he is, you create your own little novel in your head and you become intoxicated by that story you have created. Men generally don't do such things.
The men who do such things are usually the lonely ones who sit in their room and fantasises about their perfect soul mate they never take any steps towards finding.

Many men secretly wish that women could just be frank and not hint about their interest or play all those games.

[Asker]

That is exactly what he said to me! I must be the exception because I actually do not like when guys are mysterious. He was very forthcoming and said how he felt the whole time but for some reason I still felt the need to play games. I guess I thought he really couldn't like the real me. I don't know. I'm so disappointed in myself.

[abzence]

Well, eventually you can explain all this to him. You can explain that your behaviour was due to insecurities and that you felt that perhaps the real you wasn't good enough for him so you felt the need to spice things up but failed miserably.

You don't have to start with this and be all apologetic but I think this will be a part of him regaining his trust in you and you will feel you get this of your chest. A step towards becoming your genuine self.

[Asker]

Yes, I hope I get the chance. Thank you again!

[DoriantheArtisan]

why did u play hard to get. just tell him how u really feel about him and explain the situation to him. those games are annoying.

[Asker]

oops My update was supposed to be a response to you...

[DoriantheArtisan]

just tell him how u feel. men appreciate honesty and so few girls do it. Same goes if the guy does something to upset you (clingy or non responsive). always keep the communication. reassure and say what's up. If you don't you probably walk out on each other. Happenes to everyone.

[Asker]

Thank you for commenting. Yes, you are so right! I don't know what I was thinking. Would he believe me now or would he think I was just playing more games? How should I start the conversation?

[DoriantheArtisan]

just say honestly how u feel. u could start like. "i was testing the waters to see if u are for real. i appreciate u are a nice guy and i would like to hang out more with you". trust me, he goes nuts on that. i wish girls would tell me that by themselves instead of letting me guessing. then i become to attached and clingy/ or disinterested and walk away and poof another potential relationship down the drain. I ABHOR mindgames and faulty communication. my current gf was kind enough to tell me when i needed to back off and when i was being too unavailable.

[Asker]

really, something as simple as that would do it? what I really feel like saying and it will come across as crazy is "I love you!" So now I'm at risk of coming across as too clingy or needy.

[Asker]

so how did you gf tell you when you were too unavailable without seeming needy?

[DoriantheArtisan]

just be straight. don't play games.

[Nemesis8]

Who wants to play games! Grow up if he is interested pull your head out of your ass quite being stuck up like some old chicken. Let him pluck your feathers

[Asker]

hahaha You're absolutely right!

[Nuns_in_Heat]

Well, you just learned a valuable lesson about mind games. They don't work and most men will just move on.

[Asker]

that's for sure. and he's still gone. looks like there is nothing I can do now except learn this lesson.

[rUinSAYAN]

that's why I don't play those mindgames anymore. you go more wrong then right

[Asker]

yes, that's for sure. so you used to play them but not anymore? did you get the girl in the end?

[rUinSAYAN]

I could have had sex with them but all in one playing the game made the girl see me as another person and I wanted a relationship so I didn't take advantage to get laid and instead got dumped after being as I am, the thing is they tought I were a confident guy who can just swap a girl out if he doesn't want her anymore and if they are attracted to my fake behavior then it won't last long. I still use to get douchey for a moment and see how a girl reacts towards it, if she likes it I know it's going to be bad for me

[Asker]

yeah we all might as well just be ourselves! I'm not ever going to play those games again.

[Anonymous]

Women usually know within the first 15 seconds if they like a guy. It's pretty much the same for men (granted it's probably based on looks). Playing games, are for players

[Asker]

yes you're right!

[Opinion Owner]

Yep yep

[StickStickity13]

This is hilarious, this is why women or men shouldn't play games.

[Anonymous]

That is the whole problem with girls playing hard to get. Guys see it as rejection and they move on.

[Asker]

but he saw through the games, so he didn't take it as rejection, I don't think in my case...

[Opinion Owner]

If that were the case he may have not taken you to be serious about him.

[Asker]

I think you're right about that. When I think back, he did and said things that were "testing" me. Trying to gage my real feelings. And I never came right out and said what I felt I kept things way too light and casual even when he was revealing feeling for me. It kills me to think of he must of felt.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe you should come clean with him now.

[Asker]

Yes, I need to. I have to. Otherwise, I'm going to regret this the rest of my natural born life!

[Opinion Owner]

Do it but don't wait to long.

[Asker]

how long is too long?

[Opinion Owner]

If he ends up falling for someone else that's too long.

[Asker]

damn, it's been 35 days already. I suppose he could have fallen for someone already.

[Opinion Owner]

Things like that take a combination of a few things, spotting the perfect one going through the mental process making the connections and then the time it takes to make it happen. So I doubt 35 days would be enough very seriously.

[Asker]

Should the initial contact be light or get right to the point?

[Opinion Owner]

When was the last time you 2 spoke to each other and how would you contact him? If I were you what I would do is start showing interest. Contact him tell him it's been over 35 days and you missed talking to him and throw in subtle hints that you're interested in him.

[Asker]

it's been 40 days since we spoke and 35 days since last contact in a online game. I was think of starting like that. Mentioning how long it's been and that I missed him. And that I would like to hang out with him. Something along those lines...

[Opinion Owner]

That's perfect. Just start showing some interest and don't play the wrong games. He'll come around.

[Asker]

Thank you for your comments! I am going to write him now! :)

[Opinion Owner]

You're welcome and good luck I'm pretty sure it will work out!

[Asker]

well, I sent the message to him but it shows he never even opened it! he's either completely disregarding me or something happened to him :( damn, I guess I will never know :( lesson learned!!

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe he hasn't had a chance to log on. Give it more time and see what happens.