Dating a feeder: should I end this?

[Anonymous]

I met recently a guy who made me knees weak at first sight. He's caring, smart, sexy, witty, polite, handsome... We share a lot of common interests and characteristics.

He told me pretty soon he likes curvy and fat women, and feeding. He likes cooking and eating himself but he's really athletic and active so can eat a lot without having any weight problems... I guess someone already guessed: I'm fat. Not superfat but fat enough. If something, I'd like to lose some weight. Definitely not gain any more - and not on purpose. I'm pretty fine with my size and weight and it doesn't bother me that much but I can't think getting fatter.

This brings my question; should I end dating him? He's everything I've ever dreamed of and he seems to like me as a person but I'm worried he wants me to get fatter and I can't fulfill his wishes...

Updates

+1 y

Edit: It's not like he's forcing me to eat but he courages me to have bigger meals, takes me out to eat a lot, etc

[Anonymous]

Unless he seems like he's absolutely crazy, like mentally, like he has problems, don't break up with him. That would be insane.

If I had to take a guess I'd say he doesn't want you to get fatter, he just is REALLY into your body type and doesn't ever want you to think you need ton get thin. (and also since he's really fit, he might actually be mislead about how much you have to eat to get fat. I feel like really fit people have no clue how easy it is to get fat so they just assume that like, to stay chubby you gotta eat a billion million calories a day)

I'd just talk to him. Tell him you're not dieting or anything, but its really unhealthy to eat that much wen you're not a super athletic person. Maybe search for tasty recipes to encourage eating in.

You should definitely talk to him. I can't help but feel this is an easily fixable problem.

[Asker]

Thank you! But he really really seems to want me to get fatter? He said he'd like me to be 100 pounds heavier!! That's quite extreme. I don't know if it's just a fantasy? He bought me two desserts and said we won't leave the restaurant before I've eaten them... I like desserts but it kinda felt strange how he pressured me when I said I'm so full I can't have them both...

[Opinion Owner]

see that's a little crazy, imo. That's like the equivalent of the dude that wants his girlfriend to lose 100 pounds if she's already thin. Its not an ok thing to want to change your partner's body no matter which direction you're changing it in.

Unless he changes after you talk with him, and stops trying to change who you are, leave him.
There's a big difference between what was implied in your question (you should get dessert babe, look chocolate cake!) and what you just told me there in your comment (eat it or we don't leave.)

One is innocent, the other is crazy.

[Asker]

Yup I don't feel comfortable about this at all :( I have tried to say I don't want to gain, I like myself the way I am... and he said himself I'm very huge already :O He's just so wonderful except this thing...

[Opinion Owner]

"this" is a pretty big problem though
definitely a good reason to breakup if talking is getting you nowhere

[Asker]

Yeah, I know it's a big problem... It's just that I've met real jerks and guys that only wanna play with me etc. He seems to be so much more different and is always telling me how beautiful and amazing I am, and I feel happy and confident with him (except the feeding part). He just told me he fantasizes about force feeding me lots of food and that I become really fat after his feeding :( I just try to pass this comments because I don't know what to say.

[Opinion Owner]

he sounds like a nutjob

[VanillaSalt]

spend more time at the gym... let him know ure not ok with the idea of getting fatter... dont even think about becoming unhealthy for a guy no matter how amazing he is... changing to make your SO happy is ok but he's asking for something unhealthy and if he really cared for u he will be fine that u dont want ot get any fatter...

if not then dump him nobody is worth being unhealthy over

[Asker]

I don't like exercise that much... I only walk and it doesn't burn enough calores. This idea of getting fatter for him really bothers me. He said now he'd like me to be 100 pounds heavier! I don't know if I'd be able to even move then... I said I don't wanna be like that but he just said it would make me very sexy and he would take care of me. And that every pound I gain pleases him :/ He's so charming and treating me well except this fat-thing, I don't know what to do!!

[VanillaSalt]

i just told u what to do...

[Board]

Communication.

Talk to him about it.
And COMPROMISE

If you don't want to get fatter, but he wants you to eat more.
Go exercise with him. If he won't gain weight when eating as much as you do. you won't either if you exercise equally. Don't be lazy or selfish, it's give & take.

[Asker]

Well I'm not in that good shape to join him :/ But I guess you're right about the communication part.

[Grosayfious255]

And she's also a girl. Which means that exercise will have lesser weight loss effects on her body than it will on him.

[Ashie7798]

Hey asker can you please message me. I wanna have a private conversation with you (:

[Grosayfious255]

Don't break up with him, but eventually you will gain weight with this guy unless you make serious commitments. Weight should never be a factor in a relationship where 2 people already like each other.

[Asker]

I tried to discuss this with him. He said he would like me to be 100 pounds bigger :O That's a huge amount of fat, considering I'm not even skinny to begin with. I like eating and if I eventually gain a few pounds that's not the end of the world but I can't imagine fattening up even 10 pounds :( I don't know what to do. He's the most wonderful guy I have ever met except this part

[Grosayfious255]

Well, instead of you making an unhealthy change, tell him to make a healthy one and stop having a silly expectation. :)
Why should you change for the worse if he can change for the better? Both of you are capable of change but try to talk reason into him.

[camcam85]

When we are interested in someone, in a healthy manner, we are supposed to accept them as they are. I don't encourage his perspective on this with you at all.

[Asker]

I know :/ and it feels a bit bad he wants me to be something I don't want to be. I'd understand if he wanted me to lose weight for health reasons, for example. But I'm worried I might get health issues if I keep gaining weight :( Plus I just wouldn't like myself that big, it's sometimes hard as I am

[camcam85]

Yes, encouraging healthy habits is one thing but this isn't that. I would just consider if this is something you would want to deal with. If your already questioning it then you should consider this may not be a good thing for you right now. Maybe his perspective will change in time? Who knows. Just give it some thought.