Im 17 and still a virgin?

[Anonymous]

Is it stupid that Im still a virgin? do guys like virgins or is it stupid that I don't have much experience... Should I tell the guy I date? It's making me so insecure.. Im dating a guy 5 years older than me and yes it's legal here so please don't post stupid comments. I think he's experienced.. thats what making me so nervous to tell him I'm still a virgin.

[Anonymous]

In terms of whether or not to tell him, Id say thats totally up to you. I didn't lose my virginity until i was 19, and while id hooked up with guys and done pretty much everything els, I was apprehensive about having sex i think mostly because i saw how most of my friends were treated like such dog shit by so many guys. And at the same time, being a virgin still made me feel kind of left out and like there was this disconnect between me and the rest of the non-virgin world, that there was something basic about the people around me that i just didn't relate to. Sure I was overdramatizing that in my head, but at the same time, in a way I was. Anyway my point it, there are good and bad points to the whole virgin thing, certainly even more than I covered here. And I totally understand if you dont want to tell him, and also if you do. To some guys the virgin thing would make you special, in a way itd sort of make you less disposable to him i think. however to other guys the virigin association seems to make them feel a lot of pressure because they assume that means you'll expect a lot from them in the relationship and/or be clingy, which can scare some guys away. Id say just do whatever makes you feel most comfortable given your particular situation. For me, I didn't tell the guy i lost my virginity to that i was a virgin and im glad i didnt. The reason that was best in my case was that i lost my virginity because i was in a place in my life when i was more secure in myself and i felt ready to just do it and quit making such a big deal out of it. I think if id told him, that wouldve made the whole thing a big deal, which is exactly what i didn't want. I think by not telling him, I could actually enjoy myself a little because i wasn't so anxious or building the situation up in my mind. But if you're losing it b/c you r in love & not for strictly personal reasons maybe its best to share w/ him :)

[Asker]

wow oh my god this is amazing! this was the comments here I was looking for. wow really thank you! yeah I feel I need to tell him. He's actually my long distance boyfriend. or not my boyfriend yet but I've met him 4months ago in Italy and he's coming to visit me very soon. And we he told me he really loved me but before he can love me with all his heart, he first have to see me again and kiss me. Because if the kiss doesn't feel right then the love isn't right aswell. And I mean of course we have to kiss first before we're in a relationship and before we have sex but I also don't have much experience with kissing... so I told him on Skype like yeah but when you're here we'll be so happy to see each other again. So we can finally kiss. And he was talking about kissing and making love and things. And he's not a wrong guy really he's not.

[Asker]

he's amazing and I would love to have my first time with him. but maybe I have act like I have experience which I don't have.. thats why I have to tell him. I think that's the best. but I don't want him to think that I only want sex with him when Im telling him I'm still a virgin... its so difficult..

[Opinion Owner]

Hi
I know it can be daunting, believe me. Been there done that, and the truth is this is just one of any number of intimate situations in which the silly picture perfect moments you imagined when you were younger are nothing like how they are in real life. A few of my top favs are:
1. losing virginity--- usually i think most people have at least one funny or sort of awkward memory about it, whether something silly they did or said, or maybe just an expectation they had.
2. the first time you say/are told "i love you"--also usually sort of funny and awkward
3. the first bf u live with---this ones less awkward and kind of awesome. peeing in front of each other, feeling totally comfortable complaining how being on the rag makes you constipated and bloated lol
... and the list goes on. If you haven't actually had sex with this guy yet, here are a couple helpful pointers to give you, which im basing off of personal experience,

[Opinion Owner]

knowledge about sexuality (B. A & M. A in sociology of the body), and just plain common sense:
1. Your first time does NOT have to hurt, not is it "normal" per se, at least not normal for any physiological reasons pertaining to sexual intercourse itself. Sex IS painful when you are mentally not "dialed in" and comfortable with the situation so to speak. The reason being is that there are phases to sex biologically, one of them being a state of arousal in which you need to "get wet" so that friction does not create for an uncomfortable situation. But in order for that to happen and for anyone--guy or girl--to climax your sympathetic nervous system has to be active. Your sympathetic nervous system is what provide a response or feeling of calmness. Climaxing, despite the OMG feeling of it is technically a state of relaxation for you body, and this is also the reason a guy sometimes can't get it up if he's nervous or has something stressful on his mind,

[Opinion Owner]

or why being raped for instance--certainly a state of high anxiety and fear-- does NOT feel good and its so ridiculous when u hear about dirtbags who do it make comments about "how she liked it or wanted it". Long story short, YOUR FIRST TIME CAN BE ENJOYABLE. Even if you dont orgasm it can still feel good, which is why I said originally that the most important thing is just make any decisions about it--whether telling him or not or where and when or how etc---based on what you feel most comfortable with rather than what you think is right or what someone else has told u is the best way. Its all relative, and thus a highly individualized experience only you know best how to proceed with it. A good analogy to me, and Im not promoting drug use, but if you've ever tripped on mushrooms or any kind of hallucinogenic, the number one rule of thumb is only do it when ur in a happy and comfortable place with people you feel at ease is. Then ur guaranteed to have a good trip.

[Opinion Owner]

but if in a tense situation, it can a scary nightmare worse than any bad dream youve ever had, until u sober that is lol.

And lastly, when awkward things do happen that inside make you feel "lame, embarrassed" etc. Just be honest in the moment and laugh at yourself. I find there's nothing to create true intimacy than people are just free to be themselves, nerdy, inexperienced and naive or ridiculous as they may be at times. Letting your guard down and throwing your preferred self-image to the wind automatically makes the person you're with more comfortable too, and an honest interaction is always more meaningful and special to people than a fake and shallow one, even when the story you have to tell later on is the picture perfect one you may have thought it would be at one time. this goes bak to my former point too, since allowing yourself to be free and relaxed will make the physical aspects of sex more pleasurable. 80% of sexual pleasure is mental, while only 20% is physiological

[sthrnsweeti]

I'm not gonna lie, it kind of makes me sad that you say you're 17 and "still" a virgin. Your so young and you have so much life to live. Being 17 and a virgin isn't a bad thing. I say when you're ready then do it and be safe. However, if you are this insecure about being a virgin, then I don't know that you are...

[JulieXO]

It's totally fine to be a virgin at 17. I don't think you really need to tell the guy until before you sleep with each other. And don't worry about being inexperienced, that's not anything unusual for a 17 year old :)

[Asker]

well thank you, this really helps me. Its because all my friends already had sex so I'm here and I feel stupid that I'm still a virgin.. It makes me really nervous. I don't want the guy to expect too much from me so I want to tell him when the time is right

[JulieXO]

You're welcome :) If he likes you, I doubt he'll judge you for not having much dating experience :)

[Asker]

Thank you again! it's always nice to get comments from people who really try to help you!

[DhruvSinghania]

i dont get one thing.. why is it so much important for you guys to lose virginity? do you hate it or its a trend that you will look cool when you lose it or something like that.. Its completely normal to be a virgin.. im not talking that be an ortho but still im really curious to know why is it the priority & need for people to lose virginity.
coming to your case be completely honest to that person.. its ok if you're a virgin.. that ain't a crime.. and think twice before losing it that whether that person is worth losing to..

[Asker]

no absolutely not. If it is cool to lose it then I'd already had sex with the guys I dated but It just doesn't felt right. I wasn't ready. yes its normal but it's also normal that it make girls insecure. Yes Im going to be honest and Im going to tell him. but should I just tell him randomly? hee I'm a virgin bye. haha or should I say it a little different haha.. but thank you!

[DhruvSinghania]

You're welcome.. don't tell him randomly.. he might think that you're curious to lose it.. tell him if this topic comes across and he happens to ask you.. otherwise let it just flow..

[MatthewCurtis]

i personally think finding a female virgin your age would be like finding a gem. it means you have respect and are emotive. someone i could settle down with. in my case i am still awaiting my first kiss and im a year older, so maybe im a poor representation of guys. but thats my opinion. i would prefer girls like you.

[Asker]

aaaw oh my god thank you! this is the kind of advise I'm looking for! I never kissed a guy swell, yeah I kissed a guy on the lips but never a good long kiss with tongue. you're a good guy! hopefully the guy I like thinks the same as you! thank you :)

[MatthewCurtis]

no problem :) well im still awaiting lip contact of any kind haha, but im glad i could help here. i wish you all the best with this guy. by the way as a counter question, do girls think its lame if a guy my age hasn't even kissed anyone yet? :L

[Asker]

No its not weird at all. Im so insecure because he has a lot of experience, If a guy doesn't have much experience, It makes everything less scary. It's better because you both are nervous and for both are those things new. If a guy has experience, its only making me more insecure so no. it's not lame really not.

[MatthewCurtis]

well that is comforting thank you. what about if he has also never had a girlfriend? sorry about this haha

[Asker]

that's not a problem at all! I never had a boyfriend swell. the guy I like never had a girlfriend as well. Why should you force yourself to be in a relationship when it doesn't feel right. I want to wait for the perfect one and I think you're the same as me. just wait and really thats not a problem. It make us feel special. being his first love or first girlfriend feels amazing!

[MatthewCurtis]

oh wow thats great. i suppose thats very true, thank you, but im still gonna ask this for wider perspectives haha good luck :)

[Asker]

Every girl will say the same thing I said. don't worry too much about it, but it's absolutely great to have more comments so yes you should ask it here! but really it makes the girl feel special

[MatthewCurtis]

same for guys i think. which is why you shouldn't be worried. if the guy had a problem with you being a virgin then he is either an idiot or just joking

[Asker]

Thank you a lot! really helped me! :)

[MatthewCurtis]

no problem :) glad to help

[existing_not_living]

What's wrong with being a virgin? I don't really see how it's such a bad thing or why people make such a huge deal out of it. I'm a virgin and I'm just fine with that. I mean would you rather be pregnant at 14 or a virgin at 17?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's such a terrible thing that a 17 year girl is a virgin. Wow, I think this is the worst thing I've ever read on here. It's appalling to know that a 17 year girl has some self-respect and she doesn't give it away to just anyone.

[Asker]

Its just because the age to have sex here is 16. And all my friends had sex before and now I'm dating a 5 year older guy who is definitely experienced, so its making me nervous and insecure

[Asker]

I meant, the average age is 16.

[Opinion Owner]

He's five years older, and if he looks down on a 17 year old for still being a virgin then he isn't someone you want to be with. He should be able to respect you. Honestly, anyone who looks down on you for that isn't someone you want to talk to anyway. You're still so young. If you haven't talked about it with him yet, I'm sure he probably even expects it. I just hope he doesn't take advantage of you.

[Asker]

No I'm really mature for my age. I had changes to have sex but it never felt right, ever time I just knew the guy would left me after the sex. this time I have a different feeling. I really love the guy and he's not that easy. the other guys I've been with only wanted sex they were so easy, but this guy is definitely not. he's amazing... But yeah I should really tell him before he expect too much. Thank you so much! you really made me feel more secure about this! thank you again :)

[Opinion Owner]

No problem. :)

[suun009]

You dont need to pretend anything, be honest that would make your relationship more stronger. The more you are honest and emotionally close to each other, trust me you will love the sex with him. Being a virgin i dont think would be an issue for him and it doesn't matter if you are a virgin or not. Only thing that matters is the bond between both of you.

[musicbrain5]

Nothing wrong with that. I was a virgin until 21. If he likes you and wants to be with you, he is not going to have a problem. If he does, then he's not right for you.

[Nezia]

I almost 22 and im virgin.. its not nasty cmon.. means u respect ur body by not givin it to any random guys

[Asker]

yes that's absolutely true, but I'm afraid that guys think its stupid. Like; ooh there we have an emotional virgin again..

[Nezia]

I Guess he will think the opposite.. he might feel special.. and respect u more..

[Asker]

well thank you ! hopefully he will feel special..

[Anonymous]

Why would you EVER be ashamed of being a virgin? I think its more important to stay a virgin than to lose your virginity to someone you can't guarentee a future with.

[IsabelleBk]

I'm also 17 and virgin and I find this question offensive

[Anonymous]

Half the people your age haven't had sex yet, he probably realises that you might not have. Most guys wouldn't mind a girl being inexperienced, it wouldn't bother me anyway.

[Asker]

Yeah that's what I was thinking about. hopefully he realize that Im still young and that I didn't had sex yet.. but maybe he thinks I'm really experienced.. I have no idea thats why I want to tell him about my virginity before he expect too much

[bakuro]

It's normal dear... at some age u have to loowe ur vvirginity... n it's right time solo u can go ahead if the guy is right for u

[devilINSIDE]

virgins are less this mean you are limited edition limited edition is costliest dear ;) tell him i know he would be surprised but happy.. and lucky :D

[vekin]

don't worry.. it isn;t weird at all that you still virgin

[AlphaLove]

I would love to fuck a virgin, ever time.

[Asker]

Really? that makes me feel a little more secure.

[AlphaLove]

It would make me feel like I really mean something to a girl if I took her virginity. She would probably stay with me longer, lol.

[Asker]

but yes I think that's true. For me it is, I've had changes to have sex with guys but I never really really loved them and I knew they would just left me after the sex.. so this time I've found someone who I really love with all my heart. this times it feels good but I want to tell him I'm a virgin before he'll expect too much

[msg812]

I prefer a virgin female to marry as a guy.

[msg812]

why are people downvoting me? i prefer a virgin as a wife. it's only my choice. other guys can prefer females who had sex a lot before.

[maroonbro]

Haters man. stay strong, you get an upvote from me for being honest bro

[msg812]

hah ha thanks. actually i don't care too much about downvote or upvote. i just wondered why people are downvoting me just because i wrote my opinion. the important thing is explaining my opinions honestly, not fishing upvotings

[Xiloza247]

no... why would it be wierd?

[maroonbro]

You're a slut lol