I'm 14 & Dating A 20 Year Old, Thoughts?

Question

Any thoughts on this? Just want to know everyone's opinion.

BuchitaBuchys · Accepted Answer

I think it's really stupid of both of you, but more on his part cuz he's an adult. But if you're as mature as you think you are, then take your share of responsibility in this dumbass decision.

It's really pathetic and disturbing of him to get a girl fresh out of (or still in) puberty. He may tell you he can get older girls, but obviously not if he's being a predator with you. Let me tell you some advice Chikorita. When guys that age date stupid young girls, they 99% of the time are looking for sex. Sure, maybe he has declined many opportunities before, but he probably still has an ulterior motive. Predators like him sometimes like the chase, and waiting for it longer makes them feel more accomplished. Then he'll dump you after he's used you a couple or more times.

Think about it. This man is old enough to buy cigarettes almost old enough to buy beer, yet you still need a fucking adult to see an R rated movie.
This man is old enough to vote, yet you still need to ask permission to use the bathroom?
You both are in complete different stages in your life.

Be a KID!! Why rush into dating? If you do, at least do it with a guy your age. Why rush to grow up?
Sure, you may think you're "cool" or "in love" or "mature" for dating an older guy, but you aren't. Sweetie, this is the one of the dumbest shits you can ever do. How do I know? So many of my friends were young and dumb like you. Dating 20+ yr olds at 12, 13, 14. My 16yr old friend was even dating a 40yr old man. Guess what? They lost their virginities to these men, and like half of them turned out to be married, engaged, or in a serious relationship already! The other half just were used for sex.
I know you think you're so mature, but trust me, you're not. Teens are generally dumbasses. Of all the teens I've encountered, maybe like a handful were actually mature for their age. And you know what they were doing? Focusing on their studies! Not dating pedophiles. I'm just telling you this is a bad idea,

bijinbijinbijin · Accepted Answer

Whatever you do, do not let him convince you that you two are going to run off and get married. Teenagers struggle with recognizing reality. And this is very true whether you want to belive it or not. I learned about this in my psychology class the different stages of human brain development. And also I was a teenager once and I can honestly say that I was dumb when I was a teenager.

Also if you have sex with him and someone finds out, like your parents, they can easily put that guy in jail becasue sex with a minor is against the law and considered rape. Even If you want to have sex with him, the law says its rape and once you are labeled a sex offender, you are stuck with it for the rest of your life. So if you really care about this guy, then i would suggest you not ruin his life becasue for sure you wouldn't want to marry a guy with a fucked up life who can't even get a decent job becasue employers dont like to hire sex offenders and people with criminal backgrounds.

Im telling you this becasue If I told you to just break it off with him all together then Im sure you wouldn't do it and you wouldn't want to listen to anyone else who is telling you to break it off with him because that is how the teenage mind works. So if you are gonna continue your relationship with him then i suggest you be educated of the consequences and keep your eyes open at all times so that you can look out for them.

Briana20 · Accepted Answer

please break it off, I BEG U. I'm 16 and I've been with someone who was 19 and even that is not good. first of all he's 20. he's going to want sex. your 14 most likely just started high school, you have a whole life ahead of you to meet someone closer to your age and respects you. i guarantee you that this man of yours does not care at all. he's most likely with you for his own benefit of which ever it may be. and he declined those opportunies because he's 20 and he's knows that your not going to want it so early. so he going to wait a while if he has to. but once he gets frustrated he will come at you. ur also to young to be on birth control. its so unneeded at your age. there are tons of girls his age. and u have so much time to find someone else. I've been in so many experiences and usually you tend to focus on what u want and not want you need. young teenage girls just want to experience things and feel loved and mature. but really when you wait for the right person you'll be happy u didn't waste or sacrifice anything for a man that may not want anything to do with u in the long run

MagsMugs · Accepted Answer

Don't worry about it!

I started dating a guy who was almost 10 years older than me when I just turned 16. The relationship lasted for around 10 months, I knew he wasn't with me to take advantage and that he was perfectly capable of being with a girl his own age. I trusted him to the point where I lost my virginity to him after around 8 months of dating.

It's all about maturity. I've always acted a little older than I really am and he was very young at heart. The world isn't as hostile as everyone makes it out to be, not every guy is a pervert or paedophile!

Take age out of the equation for a minute. If he loves you for you and you're secure with him, that's the best thing ever. You need to be cautious with whoever you let into your life, whether they're your age or older. So stay alert and do what feels right to you.

Also, don't stress. People will be against it. I had to deal with the same kind of disapproval, rumours and bullying. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters :)

TrueblueInfantry · Accepted Answer

Whether or not you choose to listen to any of us who have actually lived, and for some of us, actually SEEN this, he IS A PREDATOR. He may have declined sex, but think on this. Could he be trying to simply gain your trust to make it easier? So that your young, naive, impressionable mind can be put to ease that it is not wrong? This situation is not only immoral, but it is ILLEGAL. Think of the consequences. He will go to prison, and you, you will be scarred when you realize what has happened. He doesn't love you. He doesn't want you for any good. Kid, when my daughter is your age, and she tries some shit like this? Dude will be dead and I'll switch the shit out of her. Trust that. You may think you're mature and grown, but you're simply showing how immature and childish you really are by stating that. We ALL thought we were smarter than the rest at that age. We ALL thought we knew it all. Trust me. You don't. You'll look back on this, and you WILL regret it. Just take a second, logical, educated look at the situation. How would your parents feel about this? Let me guess. "They know, and they're totally cool with it!" Right?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It's so funny how everyone says he's "taking advantage of her" and she's "naive". Like we treat her as if she has no mental capacity and that he's casting magical spells and slipping her potions. When I was 14 I knew full well what I was doing I understood right and wrong, good and bad. y'all putting this all on the guy but let me ask you this: What does a 14 year old girl want with a grown man? She obviously is one of many girls her age who's not even attracted to boys. Nobody is tricking anybody, plenty of young girls are attracted to men, she knows fully well what she's doing.

HollyD · Answer

You are toooooooo young to be dating a 20 year old. At your level of age you should not be in a serious relationship with someone that much older than you. Honestly you should be dating guys that are high school level. You should end this. He may not be taking advantage of you or having sex with you but when that time comes, it will not be socially acceptable. Now, if he's willing to wait the few years until no one can say anything about it, then by all means, but you are too young for this type of committed relationship. I should know I may not have the same timeline as you, but at 19 I was engaged and it honestly was the worst thing that I could have done to myself at that age. I don't know your situation, but honestly, I think he should be more mature than that and know better. He should be patient and wait for you to come of age.

He is the adult here and should honestly break this off because even if you are not having sex and just cuddling and kissing, then that in itself can get him locked up. It is considered molestation, even if you initiate. For his safety and for him to not face jail time over loving you, you should break things off.

Stacyzee · Answer

I'm all for age differences because I've always had partners way older than me.
The only time I ever disagree with them is now...
because you are a child and he is an adult.
It would be a different story if you were 20 and he was 26.

When you're a teen... the age difference seems twice as much larger than it really is because
of maturity level.
Legally what he is doing isn't right and he could be locked up for it.
I'm sure if you told your parents this... they would disagree.

If he wants to risk his freedom for an underage girl...
then that's the choice he's making that can cost him his future.

CrazyMinta · Answer

You guys are in love. It happens age is not much of a deal. In medieval times this would be considered appropriate and you will likely get married. So I don't see what big fuss is about. Its just a relationship and every relationship is different in its make up, which is only to be expected when were all unique individuals.

Anonymous · Answer

My psychology teacher told us when it came to relationships like this (older guys dating REALLY young middle/high schoolers) the one thing you have to ask yourself is: Why isn't he dating women his age? Why is he going after the young, innocent girls? Is it because he's probably a low life that isn't doing anything w/ his life and CAN'T get girls his own age, thus settling for young girls that get excited over older men and won't really question this sorta thing? (His words, not mine, although I agree).

thisGUYknows · Answer

Ok listen. I see that you're asking a question yet u disagree with everyone who tells u something u don't wanna hear. Why even ask then? If you're gonna date a 20 year old, we can't stop you. We're trying to say that there's something fishy about this guy. A normal guy his age wouldn't date u. It's illegal first of all, and disgusting. You may think you're mature. And u very well could be, but not for an adult to connect with mentally. He's either REALLY immature or just sweet talking you to eventually give it up to him. You're 14 sweetheart. There's a lot of things u haven't experienced yet. U can't see through lies that more experienced guys will tell u. But whatever. Do what u wanna do. Just don't be surprised when shit hits the fan. He's in for a world of legal trouble if someone wants to let the police know.

Mesonfielde · Answer

... ... ... That's probably illegal where you're from.

baileynparkinson · Answer

I was in the same situation when I was younger.. He was 23 and I was 15.. I thought I knew everything and he was the 'one' but I assure you, he was far from it.

Think of it this way, I am 19 myself turning 20 in February and imagining myself with a 14 year old boy sickens me. 20 years old, you have finished school and become an adult.. Why chase kids?

As for you, you are still a child. You still have a hell of a lot to learn in life and been with someone who is 6 years older then you is going to push you to grow up faster then you should.

Live your life, you still have plenty of time to find the 'ONE' xx

AnayaWilliams · Answer

If you want to date some 20 year old then that's on you. But I think that's kind of big of an age difference, but I'm sure you don't. I don't see why a 14 year old would be with a 20 year old. You are a teenage and he is an adult, why the heck would you date some 20 year old? Stick to high school, and stick to books and homework. He could get in a lot of trouble. But I mean if that's what you want to do, that's on you. He's going to want sex from you, you know that of course you just don't want to hear it. And he could get in a lot of trouble. Stick to books, and hanging out with friends. He could use you and you wouldn't even know it all is possible. You are still a kid, and have a lot of learning to do of course. That guy could trick you into going on a date, put you in a car, cover your mouth and rape you in the care. Things like that happen, you say you know better, do you really? Your going to regret whatever you do with him, and its going to come back and haunt you for life.

Mysterio421 · Answer

If a lot of people are commenting and telling you it's a bad decision, I would listen to them lol. I am 17 and I even see this lol. I am pretty mature for my age and I understand this. It's time to wake up and smell the coffee. Don't you see some of these people have seen and maybe even experienced this? Just because your young, it doesn't entitle you to make stupid mistakes. You CLEARLY know it's wrong. You don't even want to tell your parents because they will rant, because they are right. Your not even done with high school and this guy is nearly done with college. Your just gonna get yourself hurt and regret it. What's with the girls in my generation. Smh

Crossroads-USMC · Answer

I have been attracted to girls that young before. But its because they look like adults - wide hips, and such. Or, because they are really mature for their age. I was very grown up when I was you, so its certainly possible that age has no affect on the relationship. If he is pushing for sex or something, its time to take notice, and consider that as a warning sign. A sign that he might just 'get off' on young girls. But if he actually enjoys you as a person, then God bless, and good luck. And he is brave, and must really care for you to risk going to jail and being labeled a child molester for the rest of his life. Or, if the love is true, you two should wait until the law isn't such an issue. This sucks for both of you.

Rudegirljune · Answer

Honestly People have been doing this forever it's nothing new. When I was your age I talked to guys wayyyyy older than me still to this day cause that's what I liked at that age I knew what I was doing. I think you have to slow down cause men are tricky they will mind control and confuse u when they are older than u he could get himself in trouble sucks to say cause the age gap I mean what do your parents think do they know? people will look at it as a horrible thing etc I mean slow down all the way down don't rush but it happens shit like shit is so normal now. I don't know a case of weird love but it's nothing new... cause shit like this was happening when I was younger

CrazynKinky · Answer

A 6 year age difference is nothing. My best relationship was a 13year age difference.

Now that being said it's just wrong for a 14 and 20 year old. Honestly what do you have in common?
He should be getting his life together and have a job and or going to school. Going out and partying and your 14 you should be focused on school and spending time with your friends (seriously nothing to do with your question but spend as much time as possible with friends. Seriously you grow up and have no time for them)

Your at two different places in your life. Plus it's kind of pervy. No offense your still a child.

I don't understand it. I can barely stand people my age. But 18 year olds stupidity and immaturity pisses me off so the factor that your 14 and he's 20 makes no sense, I don't care how mature you think you are your not that mature. It's creppy and you'll probably end up with a large shrink bill from it

Aja123 · Answer

An honest opinion, don't go through his relationship. You may be very mature for your age, but you also should realize that you don't have your youth forever. Invest your time in school and friends, people and things that will positively shape your life and won't break your heart.

godfatherfan · Answer

Your a kid and don't know better.

shame on him. If you have done anything sexual he should be put away for rape. he has no reason to be with you in any way. You are light years apart emotionally and physically. It is just a bad idea. and what kind of "man" dates a 14 yr old? who is older then 15? that is just bad in so many ways..

thatgirl12 · Answer

he will and can go to prison for that its illegal you are 14 ur hormones are all crazy you are still learning to love yourself the reason you might be with him is because he tells you he loves you makes you feel speacial because quote"he wants you" that is one of the oldest lines in the books ur 14 you will have time later to date older guy for now concetrate on school crush on guys your age if he trully cares for you he will wait till you are 18 a little more mature and in ur 5 sences to know who you are and what you trully want but for now stay away it will only cause u and him trouble and pain

mag2019 · Answer

Honestly, at our age, it's a little creepy to date someone with that big of an age gap. It's different when you're middle aged because both of y'all have gone through high school, college and those experiences. But when you're just starting high school and he's almost done with college, that's something else. I would wait a few years until y'all are older and then think back on it. Do you still like him? How did he treat you? How did he react when you wanted to break it off? At our age I think no more than a two year age/grade gap is more than enough. Also, it's illegal until you're 18.

Jbunch · Answer

*Sets down book of laws* "That's completely fine!" Wait. No. Wait, it's only illegal if you do it.  Yeah, there we go. Just don't have sex!  For four more years.  Break it to him gently.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sharing this from the same age perspective as you ( just telling you I'm also 14) and I'm not gonna judge u in any way because I feel its unnecessary, and I just want this to be heart to heart. I've liked older guys than me too and I've also thought of dating them, but I think when you wait its the better choice for yourself. Right now Im in the phase that I don't understand everything that I feel and that happens, and really my goal is just to focus on education because its my biggest priority right now. I just feel were really still babies at this age and were only really figuring out things now, and the boy that I did want to get together with is almost an adult and I just feel that once I'm an adult that things may be better to do than now as soon he'll be an adult and I'll be a minor. Just be safe and be careful and most importantly make sure your doing the right thing for you. I wish you and ur boyfriend the best of luck!!!

Anonymous · Answer

It is OK under the following conditions:
1. He treats you with the up-most respect, does not pressure you into anything.
2. He treats you like a GIRLFRIEND and not a sex object.
3. You can relate and get along

It is NOT ok under the following conditions
1. He pressures you to have sex with him, even after you clearly say no.
2. He makes sex with you a priority
3. There is no relation except a desire for sex.

Also, take laws into consideration.

xHoneyxBeex · Answer

That's extremely disturbing. One is essentially still a child and the other is an adult. I would question his motives because I can't think of any reason a 20 year old man would want to be with a 14 year old.

Margo7 · Answer

I know it's long. But read this article in full. It pretty much sums up my thoughts about what I feel you should know and what you should probably be wary of if you choose to continue this relationship. :)

Anonymous · Answer

Here's the thing six years is not a tremendous age gap but you have to ask yourself Could you see yourself at 20 dating someone that is 14? Could your see yourself now dating someone 8 years old (as they are six years your junior). If you had a child how would you feel about your 14 year old dating a 20 year old man. Now take those feelings and thoughts and I'm sure you'll be seeing this relationship in a completely different light.

In my opinion not only is this relationship illegal it'seems morally wrong. At 20 years old I can't imagine what you two could possibly have in common your just in two different placesin life. He's a college age man with a girl that just barely in high school.

I agree with another opinion here I think this relationship is only going to lead to heartache for you and if he really truly cares for you he will wait until your 18.

glamgamergal · Answer

Dafaq one your to young second you lied on your profile third its illegal  and fourth and finally dafaq?

megfo030 · Answer

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nimbus24 · Answer

Oh wow that's crazy when I was 14 I still play hide and seek with my friends in our backyard. Oh well kids these days. And to tell you I am already mature in that age. Mature in helping my parents doing house chores and knowing that as an adult I have responsibility to takecare stuff at home too. To be honest you're too young to deal with love life. You don't know anything. I swear. You think you know something but you don't. Be prepared for heartbreak because you'll eventually gonna be heartbroken or get pregnant early. You're lucky if the man you're with now is really a nice guy and would stay with you no matter what. It doesn't really matter if he really likes you now because he really does but you, you are too young for him.

Anonymous · Answer

BYE FELICIA!!
Honestly do any ADULT family members know because if i was a older sister of yours, I would beat yo ass and his ass to some fucking common sense because you obviously dont have that. He dont either.
You wana date a grown ass man, act like you know what you doing so when the dude show his true intentions I hope you have on your big girl panties and deal with it. In my eyes and MY OPINION your too young and he's dumb. People wana sit here say that shit is okay but NO its wrong. Would ANY of you let your child thats 14 date a 20 year old?
Smh
Over it!

front2back · Answer

Obligatory.

linalinalove4 · Answer

I wouldn't look at it any differently than any other relationship, go about it you normally would dating anyone else. The only time I would be cautious is if you do have sex, because admitting to that can get him arrested and charged as a sex offender, even if you consented to it. Other than that, I'm glad you found someone that cares about you, and I wish the both of you the best of luck!

Anonymous · Answer

Do your parents know? If they don't the reason you're not telling them you know what you're doing is wrong, this guy is a loser if he's dating a 14 year old flat out, he can't get girls in his age group so he's going to date girls who are impressed by all the stuff he has as an older dude. Break it off this dude is a loser and he's a creep.

GalaxyHotChoc · Answer

Basically.

Ihav2fart · Answer

My thought is that he is a pedo! There is no good reason a 20 year old guy that will make it okay to date a 14 year old girl...

glitterberryalisa · Answer

As long as your happy then good for you guys. The thing is, down the road you are both going to realize you want different things out of life. You may love him now, but you will realize what you really want out of a guy someday. It's really hard to know what you want at 14. I'm 22 and I still don't know what I want. So just take things slow and enjoy life cause you'll only be 14 15 16, etc once!

ReReJayde · Answer

Be careful it's a big age difference and he may say all these things about only wanting you and everything but he may not mean it, and he can get into a lot of trouble for being with you because you are a minor. He may end up hurting you so just be careful hun and don't let him take advantage of you.

Anonymous · Answer

My thoughts?
Stop using an account with an older age.
Stop dating someone that should now serve jail time for being with you.
His isn't technically a paedo because they go after pubescent children but he is surely a scumbag or terribly immature and possibly slow in the head.

xobrowneyedbeauty · Answer

that's disgusting on his part. you should break up with him. i'm sorry but that's 1 illegal 2 pedophilia 3 disgusting and 4 disrespectful! no MAN should go after a YOUNG GIRL. it's so wrong for so many reasons. do yourself a favor and get out!

babygirl41398 · Answer

hello im 16 and im dating a 29 yearold he's never once asked me for sex i constantly tell him hecan leave any time if he wants someone older we been dating going on 11 months and he tells me he could never love anyone like he loves me that im his one and only ture love... i love him to and i know he's the one for me so fallow your heart and if you ever wanna talk you can message me im here any time

Hyped_up_on_coffee · Answer

No ! That's pathetic and lame on his part and makes him a pedophile

loneoutlaw · Answer

Age of consent is 16 minimum... At least in the States and really a 20 yr old? That's a 6 year difference and you're not even 18 when you are 20 you start to think about life and the future what are you going to do when he wants to settle down also you have 4years left of high school who know what is going to happen and who you're going to meet who he is going to meet also the fact that you had to ask this question shows that you have doubt in your mind and a small part of you knows your wrong

sammy_31 · Answer

You trolling or nah? LOLing Thoughts: Dats some bull & illegal, stop that child, stay in your lane!

ohyeswes · Answer

your going to regret this when your older. no one can call it off but you. i know if feels good to be wanted especially since he's your first but this just doesn't look good at all. looks like shit smells like shit its probably doodoo

Anonymous · Answer

Its kinda disturbing in my opinion.. Actually really disturbing. Honestly what does a 20 year old man want with a 14 year old?

Anonymous · Answer

so hot... NOT! im 22 and dont like most girls that are 18. yet alone 16... yet alone 14... just disgusting!

kittykatbrat · Answer

I have always dated older men. At 16 I was dating a 32 year old man and the list goes on... Your personal happiness is all that matters.

275153 · Answer

The problem is one of emotional maturity. You're not old enough to date a 20 year old, even if you're not having sex with him. Think of it this way. Would you tell your dad about this? If not, that's an indication that you know it's wrong.

SecretSomeone · Answer

Didn't you just ask this the other day? You are a minor and he may be charged for something like this, I don't know how you think but most, if not all, teenagers in your age still don't have their mind set and still exploring everything around them, your preferences may change when you get older. I advise you to still communicate but not "date" until you are 18 or so. My parents are 8 years apart; accepted age difference between couples differs from one community to the other.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not a good idea. Trust me, I myself was smart and mature when I was 14. I too thought that I was the only exception. When you are 14, it's difficult to see the manipulations he is putting upon you. These people are right... when you are 14, you tend to be naive and blindsided by reality. You are not emotionally ready or old enough to date a 20 year old. Any 20 year old who would date a young child isn't mentally healthy. That's just wrong. I know it's not easy to accept the truth. I was once in that position too. What everyone is saying is true, it should be considered in mind. This relationship won't last and you will end up hurt. I'm sorry...

rjroy3 · Answer

I misread. Thought you said you were 20 dating a 14 year old. The answer is the same. He's a pedophile. If you were 17 then ok. But 14 is too young to be dating someone his age

Anonymous · Answer

I think your dad needs to beat the shit outta this guy. And you, you're a moron. We all knew girls like you growing up, they barely ever turn out to be ok adults.

MisterWhiskey · Answer

If he can wait 3 years for sex then go for it, if he can't it's statutory rape he's the adult you could be shaking your bare ass in his face and he STILL knows better.

Jazzy_Abz · Answer

I believe love is blind :)...  (but make sure he's not a pedo)* lol

Anonymous · Answer

Hmmmm well he can go to jail depending where you are. But it's really hard because men are slick I'm 14 too and I dated an older boy and he had game. They can be very cunning and deceiving just watch out cause if he's up to something he's waiting for the right moment. What do your parents think?

greycadillacs · Answer

If he kisses you, or touches you in any manner that could be considered sexual, charges could be filed for statutory rape

fabuleux-babe · Answer

Obviously, at this age it will look and sound bad, and it seems like a huge age difference, but if you were 20 and he was 26 it won't look that bad. Honestly at 14 I would stick to boys my age or a year or 2 older

He might be more experienced and could expect more from u, and at the age of 14, ur still not finished growing yet, sometimes they can get too controlling ad time goes by. So be careful ✌

Britrock290 · Answer

Girl get the heck out of that relationship it's inky going to do you harm

AnthonyC · Answer

As long as you're happy. Just make the dude wait until you're 18 to do stuff.

art84 · Answer

Sounds creepy, I mean a 14 year old dating a 20 year old. Why can't you find a guy who is your own age?

Izzex3 · Answer

Honestly, I find it disgusting that a 20 year old grown man is with a 14 year old girl. Is he military?  Lmao. A lot of the younger military guys here go for 14-16 year old girls.

Kroakies_krickees · Answer

That's just wrong and disgusting. I hope you tell an adult about this in case he ever does try something.

DumpliingPrincess · Answer

If you're in the USA then a FACT is that's it's fucking illegal and my OPINION is that that's gross and he's a loser if he has to prey on girls that young.
ALSO you're most likely a troll since it says your is 18-24 but on this anon question you're claiming to be 14. Why didn't you just make you're under 18 on your profile? Hmm? Right, gtfo.

LaticiaNicole · Answer

It's not a good thing. But it's not bad either. If y'all are happy go right ahead. But he can go to jail for it. Sex involved or not. He can go to jail and you can get into some trouble too. Sometimes you gotta look at the negatives before you get blind sided by the positives

I'm 14 & Dating A 20 Year Old, Thoughts?

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